I don't have the goodwill reserves to deal with DH growing a beard.

[Twoandtwohalves]

This sounds so trivial written it down but it's really bothering me and I'd welcome suggestions on how to broach this with DH.

He announced yesterday some of the guys at work will grow beards for charity in December. He usually shaves every few days, and otherwise has a chin like Homer Simpson's that is grey minutes after a shave. When he has grown a beard in the past, it just comes out his face like iron filings and looks grubby.

Tbh, that's not really the point. I'm at a hugely low ebb right now, half way through maternity leave with 5mo DS2 ad 2.5yo DS1 at home most of the week. I am sick of domestic drudgery and while DH does his share of night waking and stuff round the house if I ask, I don't have the reserves to not be physically repulsed by him with a full on grubby spiky beard. I do otherwise fancy him and love it when he scrubs up but I'm concerned about spending a whole month risking that contempt that I know is so damaging. If I had more sleep, more life outside the home, more humour it would be fine but I just don't want him to do it.

He's had a tough time - he lost his mum just before DS2 was born and whilst steady, rather than moody, is still clearly coming to terms with the loss of his parents (his dad also died suddenly 2 years ago). I know if this was in AIBU I am definitely BU - what can I do to be more accepting? Or explain the situation without sounding like a completely irrational cow.

Just don't shag him. And tell him why.

You don't have to shag someone you find repulsive.

IME men shave off beards for shags

I've just come back to the thread. Thank you for all your responses. Dahlen you and a pp further poster up thread hit it on the head - it's not the beard per se that's the problem. I've been ruminating and realise it's about him having space to "volunteer" for something whilst (sometimes) having trouble either noticing or keeping up with what I consider the essentials.

The whole household business is making me tired. When we had Ds1 we had a conversation about how helpful it would be if he actually noticed things needed doing, eg washing, bottles, tidying, without waiting for me to ask him. We've had that conversation again (nothing to do with the beard ) and he's asked for my help. So for a week or so instead of hoping he'll realise what I want him to do by reading my mind I am asking rather than being disappointed and increasingly angry when it doesn't happen. I want him to take responsibility, I'd just like him to understand what he's responsible for first. When I go back to work, I'll be out of the house for 3 days. It will be madness to expect the same amount of stuff happens if I'm the person doing it. I can contract out a few hours of tidying/cleaning/ironing but not the thinking.

Re my own foliage? Well, he's stated before he prefers it "soft" so I think the current shaggy look will be fine for now. There is no equivalent strike for me to go on .

Oh gosh, I'm glad I'm not alone.....

DH slipped into conversation that he's doing movember as I was about to fall asleep last night..... lets put it this way, it's not going to be pretty.

My DH is a huge ex squaddie rugby player. He isn't svelt (and I love him like that!) but I've seen photos of him with a tash before, many years ago, and its just not a pretty sight. Add into it the fact that he has a bit of a thing for hats & am-dram and the whole thing makes him look like he's been dressed up for a stage debut.

I adore him, I fancy him, but with facial hair I'm trying to devise ways to avoid actually look at him for a whole month. I've told him sex is off the agenda, I don't think he believed me. No one is coming near my fanjo with what equates to a spiky yard brush (interspersed with leftover particles of supper). I agree it would be like shagging FIL.

I don't know what the answer is....!

Op I realise you have deeper problems to deal with but perhaps we need a separate movember support thread for teh rest of us!