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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How common/rare is this?

38 replies

neiljames77 · 26/10/2013 22:11

The girl I went out with before I got married was exceptionally violent. I don't mean in everyday life because she was lovely then. I mean during sex. She became a different person and was horrible. I never encountered anything like this before or since. She always apologised afterwards and got upset.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/10/2013 22:19

Let's hope it's rare....

Howlsmovingcastle · 26/10/2013 22:19

Ok.

If this is a genuine question (and I see how it could be) then your only chance of finding out more is going to be from women who do the same thing and are ready to admit to it. Otherwise, it's going to be a lot of faces and 'My partner says such-and-such' responses. I'm not sure you'll get much out of this.

If it's a question purposely designed to get women to talk about their violent sex lives, then

Walkacrossthesand · 26/10/2013 22:20

In answer to your thread title - no idea, sorry.

WinterBlondie83 · 26/10/2013 22:20

Why are you asking now out of interest?

Monty27 · 26/10/2013 22:22

Original poster

neiljames77 · 26/10/2013 22:27

I'm only asking now because someone I know has become part of her group of friends (through work). He mentioned her by name. I'm not sure whether I should warn him off. For all I know he might like that (I very much doubt it though).

OP posts:

BOOsterseatforAnyFucker · 26/10/2013 22:29

I bit my husbands cock off once because I felt like emasculating him.

It's because I'm a cunt.

Howlsmovingcastle · 26/10/2013 22:31

I'm sure that if he does hook up with her, he'll find out for himself. Does he know you went out with her? If he doesn't like that sort of thing and knows you two have a history, he might seek you out of his own accord.

I think it's better if you just let things be - it smacks of idle gossiping if you try to warn them, however well-intentionedly. that might not be a word

tinmug · 26/10/2013 22:31

I'm only asking now because someone I know has become part of her group of friends (through work)

Why are you assuming he's going to have sex with her?

Shakey1500 · 26/10/2013 22:33

Best to leave him to his own devices I think.

Be prepared that he might mention something, but it's really not your business, however well intentioned.

AnyWiseyFucker · 26/10/2013 22:34

@booster.

I don't know OP but here have a on me.

thenightsky · 26/10/2013 22:37

Maybe she was just like that with you.

Original poster

neiljames77 · 26/10/2013 22:37

When I say he mentioned her, I mean he said he likes her and was thinking of asking her out. All I've said to him is that I know her and went out with her for a couple of months. Your point about gossip, Howlsmovingcastle, is what's stopping me saying anything. On the other hand, if he does get to find out for himself, he isn't going to like it.

OP posts:

Shakey1500 · 26/10/2013 22:38

Exceptionally massive x post with howls

candlelight2012 · 26/10/2013 22:39

I never encountered anything like this before or since

pretty rare then

Shakey1500 · 26/10/2013 22:40

To be fair you don't know that he isn't going to like it. Horses for courses and all that.

Howlsmovingcastle · 26/10/2013 22:40

We are clearly kindred spirits Shakey! Great minds and all that

KellyHopter · 26/10/2013 22:41

If your question is should you tell him then it's really up to you, depends how close you are. If I was in that position and a close friend was contemplating a relationship with someone I knew to be violent then I think I'd mention it.

But actually, no, that wasn't your question. How common is this? No idea, not very I would imagine.

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 26/10/2013 22:41

If you 'warn' the guy you will look like a jealous ex. Leave them to it, it's not your problem, and it might not even be a problem for them.

Original poster

neiljames77 · 26/10/2013 22:54

You're probably right. If they get together and he finds out for himself and wonders why I didn't tell him, I'll just say she wasn't like that with me.

OP posts:

thenightsky · 26/10/2013 22:55

He might love the ting she does.

BOF · 26/10/2013 22:56

Good plan. File under NOYB.

Oblique27 · 26/10/2013 22:57

What an odd reaction from MN. If a woman came to MN and said a female friend might be about to start a relationship with a violent man, would the advice be "let her get on with it?" I think your friend desires a hint / warning at least.....

Original poster

neiljames77 · 26/10/2013 23:04

Thenightsky, I'm not just talking about a woman who likes to take the lead and initiate things. I used to ask her afterwards, why did she do things like that if she cared about me and she used to cry and apologise and swear that she really did care about me and didn't mean it.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/10/2013 23:11

Did you ever report her violence to the police? Were you injured?

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