He cheated on her with me, now i'm being cut out of his life?

[BeigeDarling]

(i'm really sorry if i shouldn't be posting this here; i'm a 16 year old girl and not a parent but i'm loosing sleep over this and i needed advice from somebody. anybody)

Recently i realised i really really 'fancied' one of my closest guy friends. He found out and we were both being very flirty ect.

He told me he would take me out for dinner, was very sweet and lead me on a lot by what i guess you would call 'sexting'.

We even decided that (and i'm so embarrassed to be saying this) we would have sex on the Sunday of the week this happened. He's had sex plenty of things, and well, i really wanted it.

We went out on the Sunday but neither of us had a free house so we sat on a field- nothing happened other than a lot of kissing, even though he wanted to do more, i decided against it as i have more dignity than that. We were not in a relationship so it was fairly confusing at to what was happening and i kept asking him 'What's happening between us?' with which i got a reply of 'I don't know' and nothing more.

The next day i found that he was suddenly in a relationship again with his ex-girlfriend. I confronted him about it, and he told me it happened after i left, and that he was really sorry, would never have kissed me if he knew he was getting back with her, ect.

THEN i found out, that actually that was all bullshit, and he had already been with her for a week, and stayed round hers and had sex on the Saturday; the day before we were going to.

He said that his reasons for this is because 'he doesn't think before he acts, and he's a complete dick' - right, because that makes it okay?

So now because he cheated on her with me, that's somehow my fault even though i didn't know he was with her; and now his girlfriend doesn't want him to speak to me anymore to which he's happy to do because 'he wants to prove he will do anything for her'

He's one of my best-friends and i really thought something was happening with us, and now he's cutting me out of his life for her, because of a stupid mistake that he made (yet again- this is the third girlfriend he has cheated on)

I really don't know what to do, i see him every day at sixth form, and all of my close friends are close friends with him too- i'm really struggling with knowing what to do now

I'm so sorry it's long, and i know i'm only a child and shouldn't be on here, but i'm loosing it slightly by myself!

I'm sorry but a 'best friend' would never have put you through any of this. Pick yourself, dust yourself down and move on with your life.

This jerk is not your friend.
He has probably done the classic deflect and blame on his gullible girlfriend in order to stay in her knickers.
Be very proud that you resisted his amateur advances.
He can say what he likes. Both of you know he is a cheating, lying bastard.

He's an arsehole who doesn't deserve 10 more seconds of your head space.

yet again- this is the third girlfriend he has cheated on

So he is a habitual cheat.

He has done you a favour, you are well rid.

Sadly, this guy doesn't value your friendship nearly as much as you do. This happens in friendships with men and with women. Consider yourself lucky that you didn't actually sleep with him, accept that he has treated you (and his girlfriend) badly, pull your dignity together and move on. It's not easy, I know, when friends hurt you, but there's not much else you can do, really.

What the others said. He's no friend of yours.

"He doesn't think before he acts, and he's complete dick" - right there, in black and white, is your answer. At least he's honest about it.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, it must be very hurtful.

His girlfriend is probably going insane with jealousy and insecurity right now. Of course he won't be allowed to speak to you.

Work on having fun with your own friends and don't give him the headspace- he's gone and now there's room for someone lovely to potentially enter your life! Which they will, without a doubt. Carry on respecting yourself the way you have so far and you'll look back and wonder what you ever saw in him.

Be glad you're not in a relationship with him! You'd only find yourself in the position of being cheated on.

He's not a friend. Drop him and move on. It doesn't matter that other friends of yours are friends with him.

Try and let go of whatever feelings you have for him. To be honest, do you really want to go out with someone like that? Someone who lies to get into your pants, someone who cheats?

Hold your head up high and forget about him.

He has treated you appallingly. Bascially he wanted his cake and to eat it.

You sound a lovely girl and like someone who deserves to be with someone alot less immature and self centred.

I know its hard but count yourself lucky you are not his girlfriend. He may have cut you out now but he was more than willing to cheat on her last weekend. Hardly a catch is he???

I know its hard, expecially at 16 (I mean that in the nicest way, sorry if I sound condescending) but some guys are just like this. Ignore and move on. He is not worth the heartache. He sounds like he is out for what they can get and will play anyone to try and get it. This guy is no real friend. He is selfish and immature and looking for what he can get sex wise, regardless of anyones feelings.

Try and forget him and her. Let her have this selfish guy who will cheat on her as soon as he gets the chance. In the mean time be kind to yourself. Put it down to experience and be glad you did not actually have sex with him. Can you get some friends over and have a girly day in or go out with some mates somewhere?? Honestly, love, dont waste any more time dweeling on this loser.

His gf is doing you a favour you know.

He lied to you, just wanted to get his leg over without even answering your perfectly reasonable question of "what's happening between us?"

He is an utter turd, no friend to you and someone you should never get romantically involved with in a million years. You have had a very lucky escape - unlike his gf who is desperately hanging on to a useless tosser who is seriously unfaithful and who will continue to make her miserable for as long as she is stupid enough to put up with it.

He is not "making mistakes" - he knows exactly what he is doing. He has a girlfriend, he makes a decision to cheat on her because he can and because he wants to. Then tries the "poor ickle me, I made a mistake!" line.

So to sum up, he is not any kind of a friend to you. He is an unpleasant, unfaithful, lying, cheating, user. I suggest you use the opportunity his gf has given you to have nothing more to do with him.

What a dickhead. Step back and watch him make a complete idiot of himself over the coming months.

You have behaved with dignity and self-respect. He is making himself look stupid.

Stick with your real friends and try to rise above it. You should actually feel sorry for his girlfriend...she's still with him!

I've been that best friend at 16 as well.
he didn't leave her,
I was broken hearted.

we never spoke again...
they are still together

You are a very mature young lady - do you really want to be friends with someone who has so little respect for women? It is difficult when our friends turn out to be not who we thought they were. He sounds very immature which tends to happen with boys of that age - you know, they have the equipment and the instruction manual (most porn on the internet) but they don't really know how to use it properly (in terms of respecting peoples feelings, emotions and such like and most importantly RESPECT)

There is no rush to jump into a physical relationship, it really isn't just sex, you may feel like you want to do this but if you have a physical relationship with someone (sex) then your emotions are likely to be all over the place and your feelings for them deepen. If this had happened with this boy then you would be hurting so much just now :( I am so glad that you didn't do this. You sound like you have your head on the right way round!

Feel proud that you didn't let him use you - he probably isn't a nasty person but he hasn't grown up enough to realise that a sexual relationship is more than a fumble behind the bike shed and to be enjoyed there has to be mutual respect and affection - he still thinks it is ok to go with one girl one day and another then next - he isn't ready!!!

You have had a lucky escape - keep him at arms length.

You do sound very mature for your age. I think you have had a lucky escape.

He's a complete idiot and not worthy of your friendship. I wouldn't try and stay friends with him, I imagine it'll just swell his already over inflated ego.

Do any of your mutual friends know what happened or know that he's keeping his distance? I ask because I would try and make efforts to see them without him. Arrange a night out without him. It won't break the friendship groups but you can keep your friendships without having to socialise with him.

I appreciate all of these comments so much- i think everything you have all said is exactly what i already know, but refused to believe at the same time.

He's not worth my time anymore, i know that- it's just going to be difficult because there are so many little things that remind me; and it does not help that the girlfriend keeps bloody tweeting about how perfect her night was with him! Like seriously, get a grip.

Thank-you so much for this, all of you, I wasn't sure if I was thinking the situation is worse than it actually is.

I just feel so stupid for letting him play me.

ChasedByZombees Yes, they all know about what happened and they all agree that he's being totally unfair and harsh on me for no reason because i didn't do anything wrong.

They won't stop being friends with him, and i don't expect them too, but they are all amazing people and understand that i don't want to be around him at the moment, so they are helping too!

Don't feel stupid - a lot of us have done something similar, often when we were older than you are know (I know I did). Treat this as a learning experience - you'll be more aware in future to someone trying to bullshit you into sleeping with them when they already have a wife / girlfriend.

Dont feel stupid Beige. Life is a learning curve. Most if us here can remember being 15,16,17 etc and the guys we fancied like mad, the hurt when they asked someone esle out, the humiliation we felt when cheated on etc.

You have had your fingers burned a little - and learnt some guys are utter gits at times, but you didnt burn your whole hand.

Honestly, you will look back at this in a year or 2 and it wont be a big deal.

His girlfriend is the one that is going to get really hurt here in the longer term I reckon.

You are definitely a Mumsnetter OP.
Your behaviours and observations are spot on.
The girlfriend is overcompensating a tad by boasting on FB, no?
She probably got some feathery stroking and 5 hot seconds of uncomfortable action from Mr Luvvaman. Before his mum came home

OP, I know that at this age, relationships and boys are one of the most important things going on in your life, however you will look back at him in 6 months time and laugh. He's a creep. A best friend wouldn't do this and certainly wouldn't take you in to a field and expect you to drop your pants.

Start as you mean to go on with your relationships, sweetheart. Don't waste minutes with these type of boys. He hasn't been a good, respectful friend to you. Don't give him the time of day.

Good Luck. Smile and focus on other things. It will sting for a while, but as I promised you - you will look back and laugh soon enough.

FlabbyAdams It's crazy because she's already been hurt by him twice now, the reason they broke up last time is because he cheated on her with some girl- who apparently he slept with a few days ago too, but i don't know for sure, not getting involved in that nor do i want too know who else he has been sleeping with anyway.

I wish her luck really but at the same time i still feel jealous that he chose her over me. Which is so ridiculous, i know.

And now i have to go to work and this is all i will be thinking about and it makes me want to kill him even more

Also, block the toe rag & his temporary peice of meat on any social networking sites.

She wounds well and truely sucked in and there is nothing you can do about that (excepot be glad you didnt get any more involved). She will learn a lesson at some point and probably feel a million times worse than you do. Thats also part of growing up and something she may learn from in time.

Its not your problem though - you too are feeling hurt and a bit used by this idiot guy. So block him and people on FB/phone and other social networkd for while until you feel stong enough to not care what is going on with him, her and any other girls. I expect the other girl he so say had sex with is feeling a bit crap right now too. Meanwhile - he is still a happy laddy. Ggggrrrrr.

Its normal to feel a bit put out when someone gets chosen over you - even if its by a complete toerag - but honestkly love. Just rise above it.

Ignore her posts about her wonderful relationship/night with him (its not wonderful at all). Be VERY VERY glad you got away unscathed and un used for sex.

Keep yourself busty with some other mates at the moment and find other stuff to chat about and do to try and distance yourself from all of this.

Many moons ago I did a very similar thing. I dreamt about him, loved him and wanted everything he said to be true. I didn't walk away and got my heart broken, was trampled on by him for months until I finally couldn't take anymore. If I'd known what I know now (I'm 35) I would have walked away much much sooner and not allowed my heart to rule my head.

Men like him don't change! 15 years on and he is married with 2 kids by different women and is still messing about behind his wife's back. He has never been faithful in any of his relationships. I last saw him 2 years ago and once again he started with his 'promises'. I was always "plan b" (nice) he always loved me, we should have been married. He dreamt about being with me, I was the most attractive women he'd ever met etc etc . Oh and of course it would be fine to have an affair now because who would know. He is sadly one of my dh's oldest friends (he's a rubbish friend by dh has no idea any of this happened). He is now an old (36) man with no dignity left yet still behaves like a 18 year old.

I am now married to a lovely man. We love and respect each other.