(Sorry to worry you by not posting last night, a friend of 12 years (who I've never even see shed a tear despite a lot of shit) sent me a text indicating she was having a bad time - something she's never done. I popped over to give her some support - even tho' she said not to (that's something I do and I don't mean it either!). Stayed later than planned so was tuckered by the time I got in. Poor love is in a bad way.)
Thank you for your lovely words Scary, Baby and Ma (made me weepy - in a good way) and for the love and kindness from Mouse, Green and LaPamp. The lovely PM's, Joey* were so supportive, thank you so much, Sweetpea.
I didn't manage not to drink but I did managed to start later, drink less and eat 2 and a half meals, too. Took vitamins, drank water and did ("what I like to call") ad break tidying also. There was hardly a clean dish in the place! (due to illness - not drunkenness!!). So, a better day all in all. This morning I've got to be up to take DS to rugby so no early drinking or staying in bed for me.
I'm ashamed to tell you that I hit an all time low when, late one evening recently, still quaffing away, my body told me it really didn't want any more acidic wine. I didn't listen. Took a large sip and was immediately sick - everywhere. The mess and the smell was horrendous. (Sorry if TMI.) The total shame of it. As I said before, wine is no longer a 'naice' treat, I don't like the taste and it often makes me gag. Makes no fucking sense to keep drinking the stuff.
It's been such a hard few days with having this cold/flu/bug thing. A lot of time, being on my own with 3 children isn't too much of a struggle but when I'm ill, I still have to carry on with everything regardless. It's pathetic, but there's no-one to ask how I am or make me a cup of tea or do the school run or listen to me moan or do DC's homework with them. DD was great on the Wednesday evening but I can't/wouldn't ask her to do more. If she offers - that's fantastic but her nursing skills soon give way to more important pre-teen things (as they should). Also, it's MOT/car tax time so lack of finances have been on my mind too. Added to that, had to sort out bullying issues for DS at his new school. Heartbreaking to see him sobbing and not wanting to go back there. (And I'm not even going to start on my mixed feelings about XP!) What I miss the most, though, about being on my own, is that 'end of the day off-loading' about silly stuff/important stuff that you do when you have someone around that cares. I've found that if that stuff's not downloaded, it sort of amasses and clogs up my mind somehow. Does that make any sense to anyone?
On the good news front, I've had two people make amazing comments about my children this week. Yesterday, my 'lunch date' friend was saying lovely things about how polite, bright and personable DC's are and what a great job I'm doing with them (she's a 'spade is a spade' sort) and when I managed to drag my sad, snotty/coughy self into school for youngest son's parent/teacher evening the teacher's comments on my 3 children (she's taught all of them) made me cry. She said they were all wonderful children and I was doing a fantastic job bringing them up so well. She commented how polite, how bright they all are and how well they speak to adults. She seems genuinely fond of all of them. She has a young baby and said she'd come to me for parenting tips!! This teacher is not normally so forthcoming. I was so chuffed. I can't tell anyone else at the school as I don't want them thinking I'm bragging - but I can tell you lot. 
Joey I'm definitely going to make an appointment to see the Dr and ask about AD as you suggested - and if that means I have to sit there and tell her I've failed on the alcohol front, then so be it. On the vanity side, for the first time ever in my life, I weigh as much as I did when I was pregnant - and I'm not pregnant! I promised myself I wouldn't stop looking/asking for help with this insipid problem and I've let myself down of late.
So sorry for the self indulgent post and for not being any help to anyone else - I haven't got much energy just now. Take care, everyone, and if you have someone that cares about you, that listens to your silly nonsense and your important worries and makes you a cup of tea when you look like you need one - give them a big hug, for no particular reason other than that they are there for you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
but got soo much other stuff done when without the booze.... now back to drinking every night (a bottle of vino can go with ease) need some motivation !! can't carry on like this surely ?
but I think purple might be in a bad place, she is not replying to FB or messaging and sounded really down earlier today...