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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need some advice re: living with a thief and a liar!

50 replies

Chocolatetruffles · 22/10/2013 15:01

I don't want to drip feed, but will try and keep this as short as I can.

I am currently in my last year of university and I am living in student accomodation. I am in a flat with my best friend and 6 other girls we did not know before hand.

In the last two weeks various items of food have been stolen, everyone seemed very annoyed by this, to the point where we had a flat meeting. At the meeting all the girls claimed they did not know who the food thief was, no one came forward.

Then this weekend it has happened again, with nobody owning up. Each time it has been large amounts of food going missing, including more than half a large rubarb crumble in one night.

We have narrowed it down to two girls, by eliminating people who had food stolen, or were not in the flat at the times the food was taken.
Both these girls say they havn't done it, with one acting very suspicious, but still swearing blind that it wasn't her.

Both me and my friend have decided to organise a meeting for tonight where we will confront these girls and find out what is going on.

My problem is that the suspicious girl has said she will come, but has nothing to offer and thinks that it is pointless as nobody will confess. This attitude tells me that if it is her, she will stick to the lies she has told and refuse to admit she has been in the wrong. I have no idea how to approach this meeting now, as I feel it will be like talking to a brick wall! Hmm

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 22/10/2013 15:10

Not really sure what you can do if everyone continues to deny, short of hoping to catch someone red-handed.

A pain in the arse yes but one of the pitfalls of communal/student living.

Is it definitely someone from your flat and not some randoms coming on a fridge raid?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/10/2013 15:11

This is simple. Leave a tempting dish of chocolate mousse laced with as much laxative as you can fit in.... The culprit will become clear!

LittlePeaPod · 22/10/2013 15:13

Op you need to be careful before you accuse someone of this without any proof what so ever. You may think they are to blame but without actual proof it's wrong to go around accusing people of stealing. How woud you feel if you were wrongly accused and your name tarnished becauseof someone elses gut feeling which could be wrong? Sorry but IMHO, UABVU.

Original poster
Chocolatetruffles · 22/10/2013 15:13

Jean Its definitely someone in the flat. My room is next to the front door, so I would be able to hear if someone came in. Also, the crumble that was eaten was in the glass dish it was cooked in, the dish reappeared the morning after we knew it was missing, empty. I think if someone was coming in the flat to take our food they would not kindly return the dish Smile

OP posts:
TheGirlFromIpanema · 22/10/2013 15:14

Just because someone says that they had food stolen by the fridge raiders they shouldn't be excluded from suspicion imho.

It could be a case of the double bluff fridge raider.

Have you thought about a steak-out Wink

Yours
Nancy Drew Grin

dingit · 22/10/2013 15:17

They are students Nancy, they won't be able to afford a steak out Grin

hellsbellsmelons · 22/10/2013 15:18

I think you just need to lay it on the line.
How you have come up with the 2 names by process of elimination.
Ask them what they think and sit back and listen.
I think the fact you have it narrowed down to 2 will mean the culprit will probably stop doing it now as they know they are being watched like a hawk.
Still have the meeting and then hope this goes away as they feel the accusing eyes on them!

And if it doesn't then put Cogito plan into action! Wink

Original poster
Chocolatetruffles · 22/10/2013 15:18

Littlepea this is exactly what I don't want to do, which is why we have organised this second meeting. I do not want to turn up and point fingers only to find out it is someone else, I would feel terrible. At the same time though, we have tried approaching this in a nice way, we have said that we would protect the identity of the person that came forward and tell the rest of the flat that the issue has been resolved, but this hasn't worked.

Cogito I suggested this actually haha, my friend said she did not want to bake more food for the thief though Smile

OP posts:
hashtagwhatever · 22/10/2013 15:19

I like cogito's idea.

LittlePeaPod · 22/10/2013 15:22

Chocolate you seem to have already accused, judged and found two people guilty though. But you don't have a shred of evidence that these two are the culprits? It could be anyone, including those that have their own food. By calling a meeting and confronting them, you are effectively accusing them.. That's really unfair. Get the evidence first. a la laxatives

Prozacbear · 22/10/2013 15:24

Perhaps whoever is doing this has an eating disorder? Large amounts of food going missing at one discrete time period sounds like binge eating, possibly bulimia. Has anybody got other unusual habits when it comes to food?

With that in mind, do try to approach this sensitively - if you've offered to protect the identity of the culprit and nobody has come forward, perhaps there is something else going on here - hence my thought up top.

And yes, do be prepared for it to be someone you don't expect - someone may have eaten their OWN food as well as others.

Original poster
Chocolatetruffles · 22/10/2013 15:30

hellsbellsmelons It looks like it will pan out that way, I hope that it does stop. You can only imagine the bitchyness thats going on now, with us being an all girls flat!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatetruffles · 22/10/2013 15:36

Littlepea short of Cogitos laxative idea I havn't a clue as to how to obtain any evidence. This is our problem really. I am worried that if its not either of these girls, the food thief will continue on their merry way as they will believe they have got away with it! Looks like a sneaky baking session will have to commence Wink

Prozacbear I have already thought of this, having dealt with an eating disorder myself. Binge eating can be very embarrassing and maybe the person does not want to come forward for this reason?

OP posts:
LittlePeaPod · 22/10/2013 15:37

I think a bake day is the way to go...... Grin

LeoandBoosmum · 22/10/2013 15:49

I like Cogito's idea too...

Original poster
Chocolatetruffles · 22/10/2013 16:04

Oh no! We have just discovered that a bottle of wine has been stolen too! Shock

OP posts:
GoodbyeRubyTuesday · 22/10/2013 16:12

Who is the "we" who offered to protect their identities? I'm in a shared flat at university too at the moment. The meetings and things all sound a bit over the top to be honest, and it seems unlikely that the culprit(s) would own up in front of everyone. Wait until you catch someone returning an empty dish or sneaking out of the kitchen with food, until then you can't accuse anyone as you have no evidence.

DeMaz · 22/10/2013 16:16

Loving the laxative idea! ! But as some others have said, I would definitely wait until you have proper evidence before you even suspect anyone. Yes, a process of elimination may help to an extent but it's not enough!

Any of you girls got a camera you can hide and film secretly in the kitchen area?

Good luck xx

Madamecastafiore · 22/10/2013 16:22

Sounds like the meeting tonight will be a horrid little witch hunt.

You can't exclude someone from suspicion just because they are saying they have had food taken too, even the stupidest thief would say that to avoid you thinking they did it.

You should wait until you have more evidence IMO.

Prozacbear · 22/10/2013 16:22

OP - yes I've dealt with one too, which is why I thought of it. Although I was always making food for others, rather than taking it, I know of people who simply went crazy when they needed to binge - like some sort of blackout.

Not sure how the bottle of wine fits into the eating disorder theory though!

Wait until you catch someone - just be on really high alert. Might labelling food help?

Hopefully this whole incident will embarrass the person enough that they will think twice in future.

Original poster
Chocolatetruffles · 22/10/2013 16:28

GoodbyeRubyTuesday the "we" is my friend. She had her food stolen along with another girl and organised the original meeting. I know it seems over the top, but its not really the fact that the food is being taken, more the idea someone is continuing to do this and lie about it to our faces. Its making the atmosphere in the flat horrible.
I have no idea how to get evidence against someone as this seems to happen when everyone is asleep, its really hard to catch someone red handed.

demaz I don't think a camera would work, it has been discussed though. Its difficult because we can't ask people in the flat for a camera, as the thief would then know they are being watched IYSWIM

OP posts:
Meerka · 22/10/2013 16:30

Like the choc mousse laxative idea too. Detection by the process of elimination all on its own :D

Original poster
Chocolatetruffles · 22/10/2013 16:32

Please don't get me wrong guys, I do not feel comfortable going to these girls and saying that its them. If I did, I would not have asked your advice and gone to this meeting tonight ready to accuse. I understand that I need evidence, but how do I get it??

Prozacbear I think food labelling is a good idea, I will ask the girls if they mind doing that from now on. Maybe they will be deterred if they know who it belongs to?

OP posts:
MrTumblesKnickers · 22/10/2013 16:34

I've done the laxative thing while living in student halls and it worked. The item in question was a microwavable pie in a plastic packet. I carefully opened the packet, mixed the laxative into the pie filling and then resealed the packet with a hot iron.

The culprit (whose nickname was Piggy, believe it or not) missed his morning classes the next day. And he never did it again.

OP I know how angry you are. But you can't accuse people unless you are 100% sure, as others have mentioned. Short of laxatives and/or a camera, I don't know what to suggest though.

LittlePeaPod · 22/10/2013 16:34

Chocolate you can't confront or accuse the two girls. You have no proof and its just simply wrong to be acusing/confronting people without evidence