I've been with dp for seven years. When we met I didn'treally want to go out with him but we worked together and we're both single, lived in the same town etc and he made lots of flattering promises like 'oh I'd marry you tomorrow if I could' as well as making himself very helpful like doing some diy or finding a garage to get my car fixed (I am very apprehensive about dealing with workmen, I'm always worried they'll see me coming and rip me off).
We've always had a difficult relationship, I wanted marriage and kids and a family home, he always claims he wants that too but it was four years before he agreed to move in together, five years before we got engaged and we had dc two years ago. Living together, getting engaged and having dc all only happened because I said I wanted to end the relationship unless we did those things - yes, with hindsight it was stupid to insist these things but I wanted to either end the relationship or move to the next stage.
In truth I feel unhappy. He's s very pessimistic, grumpy and unloving man. He's always been like this but he's always insisted he loves me if I speak of my unhappiness, he makes me feel ungrateful, he starts crying if I try to end the relationship etc. He does a lot of housework and treats me like I wouldn't be able to manage without him (though I was fine before I met him). He has a go at me if I haven't straightened the bed spread to his high standard, even though I have done my best - why would I intentionally anger him?
If I hang the washing whilst he's out, he re hangs it when he gets back as I haven't done it properly :-(
He insists the tea towel always be hung on the cooker hood when not in use. At the weekend he opened a cupboard and some plastic pots fell over, so he started tutting and swearing, I knew he was blaming me for putting them away wrong (I probably did :-( ) later he said when we move house I can't choose any of the design ideas, paint etc as I have poor taste and he's better at design.
We had a big row (again) at the weekend, I tried explaining that everyone is entitled to their opinion and way of doing things. So the following morning he picked up the tea towel as I'd left it wrong, threw it on the floor and started angrily wiping it with his foot, saying he wasn't going to bother anymore, everyone is a #unt etc. Then he spent twenty minutes doing some work on his laptop, muttering fucking c##ts all the time, it wasn't directed at me but it's s very unpleasant environment to live in. He has got steadily worse over the years.
I asked him to leave, he wouldnt, as I've said I want to break up and am unhappy so many times before he doesn't take me seriously. So I changed the locks when he was out. When he got back I let him in, but only to get some overnight stuff. He did a big teary goodbye to dc (aged 2) and went.
Does this relationship sound healthy? over the years I've told him I want out do many times, I'm unhappy, I find his behaviour uncomfortable (I'm actually a bit frightened) so why does he stay with me? I'm worried he will give me the guilt trip when he returns tonight and I'll end up taking him in :-( he's claimed to have serious illness before etc to get me to take him back.
Thanks for reading x