Dp makes me jump on purpose

[bordellosboheme]

Is he a twunt?
I just came in from a 40 minute drive. It was dark outside, it was dark in the house and dp was standing there trying to give me a little shock as he put it. Surely this is the behaviour of a 12 yo? Not a 57 year old? Can someone explain him to me please?

Make arrangements to live elsewhere without telling him. Then move out without telling him.

(He's so keen on surprises: see if he enjoys that one... )

Do you rent your home at the moment, or do you have a mortgage?

Today I had the misfortune to pick up a paper (off the floor!) that he said he hadn't finished with yet. He ran over to me and yanked it out of my hands with force, leaving my hand red for a few minutes. He said I 'provoked' him. I'm so fucking sick of this.

Scarynuff he owns the house. He never lets me forget that either. He fucking lords it around.

Despite my part time lecturers salary, I'm not sure I could survive financially on my own... Rent around here is at least 700£ per month

How much could you afford?
Do you have DCs?
Can you take on a second job? Increase your hours? Do some tutoring?

Mummytime yes I guess there are ways I could try and increase my income. I guess I could afford about 500£ rent

I have 1 dc

It really would be a good idea to leave this bully.

You sound really stressed and unhappy. It would be better to live in a tiny place but not feel tight and afraid to be happy because you fear that if you seem happy, he will try to take that away from you.

Plus, your son may well adore him but do you want him to grow up to think this is how you treat people? What about his future relationships? You don't want him to absorb this fucked up template.

Were you living in that town before you met him?

I find it really worrying that you've lost yourself whilst being with him.

If he owns the house then it makes it easier in a way - you can leave. Can you afford a deposit etc?

Whereabouts are you? Are you near a big city? Do you want to stay in the town you're in now?

My family have always done this and DP and I do this to each other.

However I would never do it to someone who had made it clear they found it upsetting. YANBU LTB.

Look into what benefits you might get and child support.
You could also rent a slightly bigger place and get a lodger, for example, or share.

Please don't worry about the finances, ime the reality is quite often that you will be better off than you think, but plan to get out asapx

It sounds like you have reached some sort of turning point. Perhaps the CAB would be useful in helping you to identify what benefits you might qualify for so you can get a clear idea of how your finances would stack up in a new "you+DC" household. I agree with the PP who said that your (D)P owning the house may make things simpler - at least you haven't got a joint mortgage to untangle.
Do you have any family or friends who could support you and provide a listening ear?

You don't have to go on living like this. If it's his house, you can leave. It won't be easy and it probably won't be very soon, but start making plans.

Get some financial advice to find out what benefits you would be entitled to. Look at properties in different areas, you might be able to move to a much more affordable area. Start building a plan and work towards moving on with your life and being in a happier place.

In a way it's good that he owns the house, means you can easily walk away. Find it what you're entitled to in benefits would be your first step, then look in to what you can do to increase your income. Life might be hard for a while but at least you won't be with that loser. You probably won't realise just how much you dislike him until you're away from him, and then you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner!

He's a nasty fucked-up bully. You can do this. Think of that version of you that emerged when you were abroad. She's still around. Find her again, she's cool :)

OK, a page ago, when you said 'I'm pretty sure he knows I hate it,' I was going to make sure you absolutely know he knows by telling him clearly and calmly.

But then I read this page, and the newspaper thing is ridiculous, and it seems pretty clear that he won't listen when told. Your instincts are telling you this. Yes, this man is a bully.

I appreciate what you're saying with the DS and the high rents, but you do have a choice here. It won't be easy, but it will be possible. The question is, where do you see yourself in three years time. What sort of behaviour do you want your son to be observing? Then make the choice.

A one-off could be called bad judgment if you found it upsetting. Repeated "shocks" or "jokes" you didn't enjoy would be deliberately antagonistic. A host of odd behaviours sounds like there's other elements too.

I wonder when he was growing up, did a parent or caregiver frequently and unexpectedly lose their temper with 'D'P, smother him with sentimentality, or manipulate him by guilt tripping him?

A suspicious wary character would believe that other people's "feelings" mask ulterior motives. He either becomes embarrassed or reacts aggressively, meanwhile prides himself on being cool and rational. Does he usually empathise with your feelings? Just wonder whether you've noticed him react inappropriately to events.

It's almost like a power trip which if you have a small child at home would suggest to me the adult is going to have fun at DS's expense too eventually.

Urgh Donkeys you've just described my ex.

He used to tell me off for being jumpy. I wasn't, I was just reacting naturally to things that were frightening, but he thought my reaction was over the top. So I learned to not react (at least obviously) to things that normal, rational people would jump at. In a way he's done me a favour, because I am much less of a scaredy cat than I was, but I've forgotten what I am actually 'allowed' to be jumpy at, iyswim.