Persistent betrayals - I'm such an idiot

[LadySybilPussPolham]

Just found out for the umpteenth time that H is having phone/text/email sex with not one but 3 women (that I know of, and no idea if he's having a physical affair). We've been together for 10 years, married for nearly 8 and have 2 DC aged 4 and 6.
I'm so ashamed and angry with myself for not walking away years ago. How have I let it come to this? He'd left his phone unlocked in the kitchen and i walked in and saw he had a fb message from a mini-skirted woman. I knew what I was going to find but was shocked to find 3 message streams going on, all in the same vein. This was while he was looking after DC's, shopping and getting dinner ready - who says men can't multitask!

I made him go upstairs away from the DC and confronted him. I thought I was calm but I completely lost it. I've never felt rage like it in my life - I threw the phone at him and just exploded. My hand was bleeding afterwards from hitting him. I'm not proud of this.
It hit me like a brick in the face yesterday that he's never going to change.
It's happened before we were married, when I was pregnant, at Christmas, on holidays - nothing is sacred. It's like some sort of sick addiction. He's always desperately sorry but somehow it always spins round into some blame on my part for not being the perfect attentive wife.

I'm grieving for my dad, he died a month ago from cancer. I dont know if I can do this too. He says he'll do anything to make it right but I can't let myself believe it any more. I'm sick of having the same conversation. I'm so fucking angry that it has to be me who says No More.
I'm so tired. H is downstairs snoring on blowup bed and I'm up here crying thinking about my stupid choices and what a life I've made for my DC.

I think I just needed to say all of this. I'll need to tell people soon. I'm also panicking about ending it and terrified about the future. I'm totally dependent financially. Bloody hell

So glad I found the courage to post on here because every single response has reassured me that I need to end this. Thank you all for your support and wise words.

It's my birthday today - hasn't been my best one ever but I've had some good fun with the DC.
H has been around a lot, wants to talk and it's exhausting as it just deteriorates into rows. He seems to change tack every 5 minutes and I'm just trying to maintain my stance. He's very sorry but there's an undercurrent of its my fault too and a lot of pressure about how it will break us financially and hurt the children. Had a horrible row on the phone this morning about how sick it is that he's doing this stuff while he was with the kids but frankly I don't think he really gets it.

Took a deep breath earlier and made an appointment with a family lawyer for tomorrow.

Good for you, stand firm.

If you let it go one he'll do it again and again, and you'll be here in 20 years wondering where all the time went.

A new, better life awaits.

He is the one that has hurt the children, love, not you. Stupid man. Stop discussing it with him and trying to make him understand, it's a waste of your energy.

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about your father.

"He has the right to talk aobut his feelings". Yes he does.

You also have the right to say that you don't want to hear about them.

He can talk to his mother or sisters about them.

Finding yourself violent towards someone shows that you have been driven far far beyond the end of endurance. That maybe is becuase of the mix of your father's death and this stupid, silly, repeated adolescent sexting.

Whatever the rights and wrongs, strength to you and your children.

You know it isn't your fault. It's nothing even to do with you.

It won't break you financially. Some women actually find themselves better off when they can make financial decisions themselves, and limit spending to what they and the kids need, rather than him.

He knows really that the only person worse off will be him. That isn't your issue- he chose to do this.

Just think about how 'rich' life will be when you can enjoy a sunny evening in June or a cold walk in November without having to wonder what he is up to.

He's being a CUNT. I hate him. Fucking wanker bastard lying slimy self-righteous manipulative ARSEHOLE
Twat twat twat twat twat twat twat how bloody dare he try and fucking wriggle out of it. Leaving me patronising fucking voicemails and sneering at me. God what a shit. And I have to live in the same house because he won't fucking do the decent thing and move out until he can find and furnish the perfect place. Cock

Good gried - it must be hard having to live under the same roof.
Why can't he go to family or friends.
Not sure how you make him move out but this is madness.
You rant away - get it all off your chest.
Yes he is a big COCK!!!

Grief!!! Not Gried.

I can't make him, legally
I feel a lot of ranting coming on

It gets better. Since February of this year he has spent almost £400 on adultworks.com
That would explain why I keep finding the laptop in our bedroom
Is there a gullible mug emoticon? I need one

I am so sorry. What a complete asshole.

What a twat - everything he does is reinforcing that you're doing the right thing!

Now he realises that he isn't getting away with it this time he's getting angry.

Yes, and apparently its all my fault because I'm frigid. Tick that one off the predictable list then.
One minute he'll love me for ever and will never stop trying to mend things (vom); today he's going to have a new wife!

Try to ignore the deluded fucker.