dating a widower

[Clar1sa]

My relationship is with a man whose wife has been deceased for four years. He sleeps in the same bed as he shared with her and has kept her car which he calls the shopping trolley. I do not know if I am being unreasonable but this hurts me. They were married many years. I find I cannot stay over at his house. In fact I do not like to go there. It is full of her things.

is OP me? Who is OP?

He cherishes me when it is convenient to him

Great post from ItCouldBeWorse.
He wants things his way ( only) no compromise. And he must be mean giving you his ex wife's jewellery instead of buying you something for yourself.
You sound nice ( but upset, so other posters should give you a bit of leeway).
He is not for you.
Unless he changes......
Radically.

I dont believe I resent his attachments. I probably resent that he is not open about stuff. I would love to walk away and that is what he deserves. His choices to do with me are sometimes shoddy. He shows me he adores me on my turf but I am not invited to his turf. It does not seem to be a level playing field. That is the problem for me. I think I deserve a level playing field and I certainly do not have that.

Your first post sounded like you were being unreasonable, but after reading further I agree with those who have said you should end it.
I had a relationship with a widower. I was able to cope being in the same bed etc.He had kids so I had no issue with photos and other stuff being in the house.
At first I didn't even see that he was trying to turn me into her. He asked me to dye my hair blonde, I am a very dark brunette it would have looked hideous. A couple of days after he asked me, I found a picture of her with blonde hair (she had been a dark brunette)
When he started saying to me "X didn't do it that way" I knew I was in trouble.
You sound so bloomin' sad. Find yourself someone who really loves you and makes you happy.

Why have you suddenly resurrected this thread?

Oh bloody hell, I didn't realise it was old.

Gosh I think it's a bit unfair to say op lacks compassion I think post is because she is aware that there is unresolved grief issues. Asking someone to wear your dead wife's clothes and jewellery is a little disturbing even for the most compassionate new partner. Be careful, move away and acknowledge to him that he appears not to be ready for someone new. Sorry you are in that situation I can understand why you feel uneasy.

I thought you ended it when you first posted in October?