Sex, Drugs and Prague on BBC3: is your new DH now a walking STI timebomb?

[SoWhatSoWhatSoWhat]

If your soon-to-be DH or your DP is going on one of these weekends, perhaps you should watch Stacey Dooley Investigates: Sex Drugs and Prague on iPlayer and see what you think (it was shown on BBC3 on Monday night)

I've read a number of threads where most women seem happy to pack their DPs off to Prague, thinking that the worst that could happen is they'll hopefully won't spend too much money, get mugged or fall over, and the less sensible ones might end up quietly leering at a couple of strippers behind their beers in a raunchy bar.

However, according to this programme, going to a lapdancing club to see strippers and have private dances is pretty much standard on a stag weekend. Prostitution is officially illegal, but the brothels just call themselves lapdancing clubs instead. The prostitutes and health workers Stacey talked to said that 'every other man' tries not to use a condom, 5 out of 10 men in a stag party use the brothel's services, and the stag is 'always' one of those five. Many men even want to have unprotected sex with prostitutes who have HIV, which they see as some kind of thrill, a bit like bungy jumping.

Added to the fact that condoms can't protect you from everything, and any prostitute who has to sleep with a lot of men probably skin infections (herpes, genital warts etc) and that's quite a public health problem in the making. These guys will be coming back to sleep with their new wives and passing HIV on to them, which they may not find out for some considerable time, ie when the AIDS symptoms kick in. If the men come back with herpes, the couples will be finding out about it rather sooner, but as herpes is incurable there'll be nothing they can do about it. You can throw out your cheating partner, but you'll then have the problem of finding a new one who's OK with you having HIV/herpes.

If these issues may affect you, perhaps the best thing is to watch the programme on iPlayer and see what you think. The DM has also done its own shock/horror story on the programme (which is available on iPlayer until Monday 14 Oct), which I've included a link to as it does offer the convenience of a summary of the programme if you don't have time to sit through it.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b03cwv1l/Sex_Stags_and_Prague_Stacey_Dooley_Investigates/

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2449053/Sex-Stags-Prague-BBC-documentary-reveals-drunken-Brits-risking-STDs.html?ITO=1490&ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490

Where are all these alleged threads with women packing partners off to Prague? Are you the eponymous Stacey Dooley trying to bump up your own ratings?

I detest the whole stag party culture as it's currently stereotyped. Vile, misogynistic, drunken irresponsibility that encourages violence towards men and women and antisocial behaviour.

But not all stag trips are like that of course, because not all men are the same.

It's a real shame for Prague. Like Amsterdam and Thailand it has an awful lot of history, art, interesting architecture and other features that make it well worth a visit but have now been tainted by the stag destination label.

Unless I knew the stag/party in question and knew they weren't the sort, I'll admit I would make assumptions about why that particular venue (or one like it) had been chosen by a group of young men. Prejudice and assumption? Yes. But stereotypes and cliches come about because they are so depressingly common.

In certain if i thought my DH was frequenting brothels/strip clubs anywhere in world he wouldn't be my DH for much longer.

but you'll then have the problem of finding a new one who's OK with you having HIV/herpes.

If my hypothetical new partner had an issue with me catching HIV from a partner who betrayed me in such a way then i most likely wouldn't bother. They sound equally as pleasant as my scummy DH.

Obviously i would be damaged goods so toss my hypothetical infected self on the scrap heap now.

Cogito, google Mumsnet, Prague, Stag, and you'll come up with a few threads. I did check through them first to see how this subject has been covered before.

Yer, I do like that Stacey Dooley - when you first see her, it's easy to think "Who is this chit of a girl?" Then I found I liked her interview style, and I've enjoyed her programmes on racism in Luton etc.

But I'm not her, sorry - she's, ahem, a fair bit younger than I am!

Booster, of course a genuine new partner wouldn't care if you had HIV. But wouldn't you rather not have to have that conversation. And not have to use condoms throughout the relationship so he doesn't catch it off you.

You don't have to go as far as Prague to find prostitution.

Nor to find people who will shag people whose STI status is unknown. Plenty of diseases are caught much nearer to home.

I think it may well be the case that most stag parties that go to Prague will end up frequenting lap-dancing bars, but that's not the same thing as saying most stag parties go to Prague (or similar destinations).

Thank god.

Dahlen, yeh, when I saw the title of this programme, I thought 'here we go again: Sun Sex and Suspicious Parents, Getting Pissed In Magaluf etc etc etc' but I'll watch it anyway cos I'm thinking of visiting Prague (for the nice architechture) and I've got naff all better to do. Thanks to this programme, I now know to schedule my trip to avoid weekends.

The bit with the 'sex without condoms with HIV prostitutes did take me aback and certainly had Stacey Dooley scratching her head, but this was backed up by the woman who runs the mobile sexual health unit that regularly visits the brothels in Prague.

Of course no-one wants to think their DP engages in such sordid activities. Unfortunately, after having to discourage a few people's DHs over the years, I've been forced to come to the conclusion that some men aren't completely honest.

But what are you actually suggesting? Ban lads' weekends? Fit participants with tracking devices? Ban Prague as a destination? Wrap your intended in clingfilm, dip him in disinfectant on his return and then whisk him to the STI clinic?

It comes down to trust. If you think the person you're with isn't completely honest, it's probably best to keep your blood pressure down and get rid of the person rather than try to police their movements.

Absolutely Cogito - people have the right to behave like twats within the laws of whatever land they're in. We also have the right to say "I'm not putting up with that" and make it a deal-breaker.

Not all men want to go on stereotypical stag trips. The more men who are rejected because of such awful behaviour, the less fashionable it will be.

Well I've see loads of threads about stag nights and lads weekends in Prague or Amsterdam- and there are usually a shedload of posts from women whose partners go on them telling the OP to stop being so paranoid and even suggesting that it's no big deal for the male group to go to a sex club. I've seen posters say 'What's your DP supposed to do? Say no I'm not going in because my wife won't let me?' and other drivelly garbage.

It's a good thing that the realities of what goes on on in sex clubs abroad is televised to a wider audience. I often think a lot of posters on here simply don't have a clue and would rather not know, because then they'd have to confront what sort of bloke they are with and the sort of friends that he keeps.

Do you really think anyone hears the words 'sex club' and thinks it's something wholesome?

I doubt anyone thinks it's wholesome.

But I suspect there are those who think they're pretty much as they were in 80s or 90s.

I think what I'd do personally, if I was getting married now and my to-be-DH was thinking of a stag weekend in somewhere with a lot of cheap alcohol and a well-developed sex industry, I'd say I'd prefer he had a different sort of stag do somewhere else. One way of avoiding STIs is to avoid risky situations, and not have sex with those who don't realise the possible implications of reckless behaviour. I just wouldn't want to have to deal with what could be the permanent fall-out from a weekend where my DP could end up doing something silly under the influence of drink and peer pressure. Or if he's actually a knob, but I'm too in love to realise it yet.

My own DH refused point blank to have any kind of stag night when I asked him if he'd like to have one. But that was a long time ago, and things have moved on.

I agree with FrancescaBell, those kind of responses come up every time we have a thread on stag parties/Amsterdam/Thailand/Prague etc. A lot of women just don't want to know. Everyone here in Cz knows how it is with these stag parties.

I think if my DP suggested a stag party to a well-known-sex-tourist hotspot I'd be calling off the wedding. The fact that it extremely unlikely he would do so (not least because we're not planning to get married ) is part of the reason he remains my DP.

Which isn't to say he has no interest in visiting these places, but he would do so either with me or just one good friend who has similar interests where I know they would be doing other activities that have nothing to do with sex. He does that regularly anyway, and always chooses destinations that aren't associated with sex tourism (or indeed anything at all, given his enjoyment of the great outdoors).

I'm afraid when I hear "stag do" I immediately equate it with sex tourism and the idea of the "last night of freedom". Hen dos are bad too. I hate the whole thing.

I've only ever been on one hen, I was heavily pregnant with twins, the hen was a mousey respectable teachery sort (who made a fuss about no-one coming so i felt bad) and I got pissed off with the horrible sexually charged atmosphere at pot painting and a restaurant and left early. They were treating the waiter like a piece of meat.

I hate the whole thing. It is utterly disgusting. Terrible reflection on how our society views women and sad that women feel equality is in imitation of that abuse.

I feel the same as you Darlene. The idea that he would want to go to Thailand/Amsterdam/Prague on a booze and etcetera stag do would be so completely at odds with the kind of person I assumed he was that I would think that I didn't know him at all.

Of course there may be some blokes who want to go on a a stag weekend to see Vermeers/Wenceclas's bridge/temples but I can't imagine that they would be the focus of a stag weekend. And I would judge the fuck out of a bloke's holiday to any of these destinations, frankly.

Yep, ZZZ, this thread is pretty much going the way of other similar threads! So here's an opportunity to watch what I thought was an even-handed non-shock-horror documentary on the subject, to see and hear stags', sex workers' and health professionals' views, to help you make up your own mind as to whether your DP attending one of these weekends is worth the risk. (Although some sex workers were prevented from speaking openly to Stacey by the brothel owners because brothels are technically illegal).

One of the brothels/clubs featured is the Show Park, which is apparently popular with stag parties.

en.showpark.info/complete-info.html

Darlene? Sorry dahlen

I think there is also an unsaid pressure for women to be 'cool' with their partners going on such weekends. And a competition between women to be as laid back as can be. My ex would often go on 'business trips' to Amsterdam, Riga and Thailand and I knew he would go out and get plastered, probably go to a lap dancing club. Never knew the half of it as turns out. Those people who said 'oh getorf is so cool not minding X going on these jaunts' were the same people who knew exactly what he was doing out there I.e. Using prostitues and having a 'friend' in Thailand.

Anyway that was years ago and all ancient history now, and I am gladly out of that relationship. But I wouldn't care about being seen as laid back and cool again. Fuck that, I now think anyone who goes on these jaunts is as dodgy as hell, and I don't mind voicing it.

Darlene? Sorry dahlen

I think there is also an unsaid pressure for women to be 'cool' with their partners going on such weekends. And a competition between women to be as laid back as can be. My ex would often go on 'business trips' to Amsterdam, Riga and Thailand and I knew he would go out and get plastered, probably go to a lap dancing club. Never knew the half of it as turns out. Those people who said 'oh getorf is so cool not minding X going on these jaunts' were the same people who knew exactly what he was doing out there I.e. Using prostitues and having a 'friend' in Thailand.

Anyway that was years ago and all ancient history now, and I am gladly out of that relationship. But I wouldn't care about being seen as laid back and cool again. Fuck that, I now think anyone who goes on these jaunts is as dodgy as hell, and I don't mind voicing it.

I agree with Dahlen and Orf. These types of stag do's are so trashy, chavy and low-rent.

mind you the bit about many men wanting to have unprotected sex with a prostitute who they know is HIV positive for some kind of extra thrill is new to me. The rest of it I was already well aware of. It is all common knowledge here.

Stacey Dooley? The one who races about urgently to report on incidents that might be about to happen but then never actually do? That's certainly how the "documentary" on Yaba in Thailand went. I found her unwatchable actually and it's put me off watching anything she does.

That said I think there can sometimes be some naïveté here on MN of what many men are capable of and get up to. I well believe that about Prague. I've always worked in male dominated environments and nothing surprises me anymore.