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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

If you found these texts

42 replies

grrrmen · 29/06/2006 18:27

If you found the following texts on your partners phone from an ex girlfriend what would you think:

"Shame you're working, we could've met up.. xx"

"are you back yet babe? xx"

"Sorry I had to go, he was waking up, spk tomorow night xx"

"are you on msn tonight babe? xx"

"just needed someone to talk to..."

what would you think??

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 29/06/2006 18:29

Well, they're not damning as such, but I would be suspicious. But then I am naturally suspicious and jealous Is it usual for him to refer to any female he knows as "babe", and vice versa, or does that seem unusual to you? Do they meet up, with your knowledge, or not?

schneebly · 29/06/2006 18:31

Hmmmm - would be highly suspicious but could just be one of these over friendly friend types that calls everyone babe?

LucyJones · 29/06/2006 18:31

I wouldn't be happy. You were obviously already suspicious to have checked his phone. But then again if something was happening between them would he really be foolish enough to leave the texts on his phone or perhaps if would never think that you would check them?

schneebly · 29/06/2006 18:32

Could also be a one sided chase from her.

Tommy · 29/06/2006 18:32

I would be horrified tbh.
Although I wouldn't look on his phone and he wouldn't get any texts like this.
I think they are damning Greensleeves - why would a woman speak to someone else's husband like that?

Greensleeves · 29/06/2006 18:34

Well, I think it depends on how normal it is for him to talk to other women like that. Some people call everyone they know "babe" - and some couples do keep their exes as friends and meet up with them. Not me, I'd go f@cking spare if I found those on my dh's phone. But I'm just trying to establish how unusual this sort of stuff is for the OP/her dp before we all pile in baying for his bollocks.

Tommy · 29/06/2006 18:35

good point Greensleeves
(although I think my DH would run a mile if anyone called him babe...)

LeahE · 29/06/2006 18:36

Probably the same thing that you're thinking...

Original poster

grrrmen · 29/06/2006 18:36

He's supposed to hate her (sounds like it doesnt it!). What made me more suspitious is that he had deleted all the replies that he sent (deleted his sent messages) and when questioned about these texts said that he couldnt "remember" getting them (and they were deleted the next time I looked).

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 29/06/2006 18:37

OK. I would kill him then.

Sorry I don't mean to sound flippant. How horrible for you.

LadyTamba · 29/06/2006 18:39

Id kick his arse from here to next week

wannaBe1974 · 29/06/2006 18:44

"Sorry I had to go, he was waking up, spk tomorow night xx"

sounds like he's definitely been talking to her, either on msn/the phone. I's possible his sent messages are set up to be deleted automatically which might explain why the replies weren't there when the original messages were, but tbh this would set huge alarm bells ringing for me. Can you go on to his computer and set up his msn to save all conversations and then go back and check what he's up to? I know it's snooping and is something that is frowned upon by some, but he's denied any wrongdoing, so you need to find out, either for your own peace of mind or so that you have evidence to confront him with. Why did you check his phone in the first place?

Original poster

grrrmen · 29/06/2006 19:10

Its a long distance relationship so he could be up to anything without me knowing. He told me he didnt speak to her on msn but when faced with evidence that he did he said "oh yeah...I do sometimes but not much". He's always going on like he hates her, cant stand her etc but this must be untrue.

In the end he decided he 'remembered' the text messages after all and he was just 'being a friend', the "we should meet up" text was apparantly in reply to him saying they should go for some retail therapy! so he has actually instigated this one and happily tells me that she flirts with him when she see's him.

I decided to take his word for it that nothing was going on but its still playing on my mind, I still think he's lying.

OP posts:

warthog · 29/06/2006 19:11

i'd be suspicious. too many xx going around. i certainly don't speak to my ex's like that... in fact... don't speak to my ex's, even though we parted on good terms!

warthog · 29/06/2006 19:12

trust your instincts!!!!

kalex · 29/06/2006 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

drpepper · 29/06/2006 19:20

i would not be impressed if i found those messages and i too am in a long distance relationship so something like that would only make the " he could be up to anything " paranoid thoughts worse ! i once went through my dp's saved convos on his laptop and wish i hadnt ! there were messages from other women i really didnt want to see but they were from ages ago and there had been nothing since he had been with me and he had infact told the women that used to flirt with him via msn that he had a girlfriend now etc ! i ended up feeling stupid sneaky and very guilty for doubting him !

jellyjelly · 29/06/2006 19:31

I would worry but then i found dodgy texts last week and my thoughts were true and they were from an x. They are still seeing each other. Still reeling from the shock seeing as we should be getting married on this saturday.

Good luck

CountessDracula · 29/06/2006 19:49

what is in his sent items?

catsmother · 29/06/2006 19:50

They sound too intimate. They're from an ex he's always maintained he doesn't speak to, but does under duress. It sounds as if they're teetering on the verge of meeting up (and all that that might lead to) if they haven't already.

Sorry to be blunt. And how many of us remember to delete our sent messages until we're prompted to do so 'cos the box is full. Most people don't bother.

And his reactions don't ring innocent either. "Remembering" after being pressured, denying he spoke on MSN until confronted with the proof.

He's messing you.

If you can't trust him, that says it all really doesn't it.

Tinker · 29/06/2006 19:51

I think he's lying.

trefusis · 29/06/2006 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

morningpaper · 29/06/2006 20:22

Set up his MSN so that it logs his conversations, then you can check.

mistressmiggins · 29/06/2006 20:28

check MSN to see if he has blocked her

I speak from experience...foudn out last month that my ex's mistress was on MSN BUT he had set her as blocked so she couldnt MSN our computer but he could her

sounds dodgy to me Im afraid

Original poster

grrrmen · 29/06/2006 20:31

You know when someone really has feelings for someone but they just cannot admit it for whatever reason so act all nasty about them? he does this with her...for instance if I say "have you seen lately he'll reply with "no...and I dont want to either, cant stand her, she can fck off cos I dont want anything to do with her anymore, she made the bed she can lie on it....(then after a few seconds of deep thought silence he'll say) anyway, Im happy with you now".

Personally, I think that he wanted her back, he's very bitter and twisted about the whole thing, says he hates her but like Ive just pointed out above he obviously still has feelings there...so I reckon I am/was his standby for if he couldnt get back with her. I reckon that around the time of these texts he was hoping they would get back together but kept me in the picture just in case and when it didnt work out he decided to 'make do' with me.

He has to be lying, I wouldnt send texts like that to an ex and then say I couldnt remember them

OP posts:

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