Can I ask about your financial arrangements?

[Writerwannabe83]

I hope this isn't of a too personal nature but I'm just curious as to those who live with their partner/husband manage their finances?

When I moved in with my partner a few years ago we agreed I would give him £500 a month to cover half of all the expenses a month and that was fine. We are now married and the arrangement hasn't really changed but now it just sits 'weird' with me. I have spoke to him a few times about it and that surely most married couples have a complete joint account and all finances are shared. He is happy with the idea of having a joint account but says we should sit down, work out the running cost of the house each month and only put that amount of money in the account, 50/50. He said that way, the rest of our salary is ours to spend how we like without feeling like we have to justify our expenditures to each other etc. I am now recently pregnant and so again have discussed having one joint account with all our money in it but he doesn't seem to see why it should be necessary. His parents are not too impressed with his attitude.

To be honest, I'm happy with the joint account for all 'house stuff' and we have the rest of our money to ourselves, but I'm just curious as to what others do?

When I say that most married couples have complete joint sharing of the finances my husband tells me they don't. None of us have anything solid to base this on though, we just both want to be right

Just that on top of our usual outgoings we still have a large credit card bill from our wedding. We pay off £300 a month, £150 each. I just wish it was a financial burden we didn't have right now.

It just seems like there isn't enough money in the world to do what needs doing

Which is why your partner is spinning the yarn about not wanting a joint account because then he would feel guilty about spending 'your' money. He knows that there are other things the money should be spent on but he wants to carry on his carefree life. You need to sort this out now. I don't see joint/separate accounts as being the problem here.

DH and I have separate accounts which our earnings go into. As DH earns a lot more than I do he pays a larger percentage or the bills than I do. This is all done from separate accounts.

I personally would not want a joint account because I like the independence of having my own account with my own money in it. I don't like the idea of someone possibly monitoring what I spend my money on, even if it is DH. I am pregnant and will be going on maternity 1st December. When I go on maternity leave DH will be transferring whatever I loss as a result of maternity leave into my account, until I decide to go back to work currently planning to have 13 months off, if I can last that long So effectively I will have the same amount of money I have now whilst on maternity.

The only joint account we have is 1 credit card account, which neither of us use but could if we wanted to.

Joint account for mortgage food and bills both pay in equal amounts.

Rest of our salaries are ours alone - otherwise I would resent him spending money on his weird hobbies and he would resent me spending money on nice clothes and bags etc.

If we have a big expense like a holiday we each put in 50% of our own money.

If we go out for dinner, we take turns in who pays (roughly, not counting them up or anything lol)

If one of us became sahp, that would change obviously.

But if you are both earning (enough to contribute half to joint expenses and have money left for yourself) think the above arrangement is pretty fair.

If one of you earns less because you pick up domestic stuff, then it's clear the higher earner should contribute more or share their "spending money"

All our earnings go into one pot and we trust one another completely to spend wisely and responsibly. Over the years of our marriage we have gone from being two young professionals earning similar amounts, to me earning everything whilst he went traveling; to me being a SAHM and him earning all our income, to both of us earning again. It all goes in one pot, and we've never ever had a big row about money because we have a very similar attitude to how the money is spent. It's all ours. Not his or mine. The house is also in joint names, even though he brought more into the marriage than I did as he already had a property, but we bought our first house together after our dc was born.

We have a shared account. I'm a sahm and dh works.
I put all the bills on his desk...i don't budget anything and he keeps up with all the accounts. He's very pedantic and organised and got frustrated with me when we first got married as i would "forget" to pay things.

Dh never asks me to justify what I spend and never controls it, although he will ask me to be more careful with purchases when we are saving for a holiday or something.

It is slightly draconian of me i know, my mother is horrified by this and says that if anything ever happened to dh i wouldn't even know who my gas provider is.

My dh never controls or tries to regulate me in an inappropriate way and i basically do what i like...within reason we"re not rich!!

I've always maintained separate finances as financial independence is very important to me and I would worry enormously about both of us knowing there was £60 in the joint account so both putting £40 of fuel in our respective cars IYSWIM.

I always thought the fairest and most sensible solution was to maintain separate accounts for salaries/personal use and transfer an agreed amount into a joint account out of which all household-related DDs came out - mortgage, council tax, utilities, insurances, etc. Shopping could then be done alternately to balance out over time, or one person could take responsibility and transfer less to the joint account, etc. What was left in your account you knew you could do with what you wanted. You could also have separate or joint savings accounts.

I never actually did that though. I just paid for everything (mug). Now I live on my own, so it isn't an issue.

We have a joint account for mortgage and household bills.
We have our own accounts for our wages, and transfer the same amount into the joint account.
I spend my money on my horse - I suspect DP would raise his eyebrows at the exactly how much it costs to keep one. He nearly fainted at the costs of horse shoes when I accidentally let the price slip out, so probably best the money is separate!
Works for us.

I do feel quite strongly that being married is legally agreeing to see yourselves as an economic unit of one - with all resources pooled.

I earn about £350 a month less than him (take home money) as I only work 30 hours whereas he works 37.5.

Our prior arrangement was working fine but now that there is going to be a baby I can't help but feel that things have to change. Our money is no longer about what we want to spend on ourselves, but about what we need to spend as a family. I.e getting everything ready for baby's arrival, maternity pay issues, child are, family holidays etc etc. in my eyes I feel that's the focus of our money is no longer on us as individuals, but as a family and that all income should be shared.

Oh and to add to my post - despite each having our own money as well as joint money we would not be spending hundreds of pounds on anything without discussing

dahlen - that is what my parents-in-law say, hence why they aren't too happy with my husbands views on how our finances should be.

We have a joint account, all money goes in, all money goes out by whoever is spending it at the time. The overdraft is equally shared! It was this way when DH was a student when moved in with me and then when I was a student after Maternity Leave before I got my new job. All household costs are taken from the account. In fact atm we have pretty much equal salaries but that has definitely not been the case over the 10 years we have been married. We have never seen it as 'mine' or 'yours'.

Reading between the lines in your posts, I am a bit concerned that with the current set up your DH will continue to spend 'his' money and you will be left spending 'yours' on the baby.

In all honesty I would be pushing, quite hard, for a joint account with all money pooled. If there is any left over after ALL costs, then you can decide then how to play with it / spend it.

And don't forget to think about what happens when you are on Maternity leave and bringing home less money - the current arrangement might well mean that you can cover household bills but then you are left with nothing, whereas he still carries on as before with 'his' money. That would not be acceptable - it's HIS baby you are taking a pay cut for, he needs to be paying for it too.

Do you know, until this minute it had not occurred to me that people would use credit to pay for a wedding. I feel stupid now!

Why do you think his view is so different to theirs?

OP - your husband may wish to have the hobbies he has and not want to cut into a joint account if he's spending more than you, but at the same time with a baby on the way and a credit card bill to pay off, he may have to reign that in somewhat. Although it is certainly encouraged to have hobbies independent of each other, I do see what onlytheonce is saying - make sure it's not him spinning a yarn.

As for us - we're not married. Our situation is a bit skewered; I don't work due to serious illness which I am (hopefully) in recovery from - so yes, I receive benefits which have been endlessly verified. We have separate accounts, but OH wants to go joint. I'm not fussed either way - I don't spend much, and don't expect my OH to buy everything - he pays mortgage and bills, I pay food and smaller bits.

Well you all seem very sorted.
I suspect there are others who haven't got it all sorted to their satisfaction, but perhaps are less inclined to post than those who have ?

Reading between the lines in your posts, I am a bit concerned that with the current set up your DH will continue to spend 'his' money and you will be left spending 'yours' on the baby.

In all honesty I would be pushing, quite hard, for a joint account with all money pooled. If there is any left over after ALL costs, then you can decide then how to play with it / spend it.

Agree 100% Kirsty

If he wants to do it that way there needs to be enough in joint acct to cover all baby expenses even if that means him putting in more tbh.

Do you know what his net monthly income is?

We've always had seperate accounts. Bills are split evenly between us (we earn about the same) and family treats, holidays, DC classes and clothes, chilcare et are split evenly too.

We opperate effectively as if we had a joint account, as we are trying to save for a deposit and every penny needs to be accounted for. Anything left over is mad money!

dahlen - with my inlaws, the husband earns a lot more than his wife. They wouldn't be able to have the house and lifestyle they have unless he contributed a higher proportion to the costs than she did, he doesn't mind this at all and that's why they have a joint account. He knows he pays for a lot of stuff but he appreciates that she can't afford to split everything. 50/50 so it all comes from a joint pot.

Me and the hubby on the other hand have very similar wages and because I don't have that financial dependence on him, he doesn't see why we need a joint account when 50/50 is perfectly feasible for us.

madame - is Net income what he comes home with??

I agree with onlytheonce, it's not joint / separate accounts as such which is the issue here, it is your DH's attitude towards money, responsibility etc.

I am a SAHM so have zero income. My DH and I have separate accounts and he pays money into mine, but this doesn't cause any issues because our money is still 'shared' in that we discuss how to spend it and consider it all as 'family' money even though he earns it all (at the moment - I'm hoping to return to work next year but will be earning a lot less than him).

Haven't read everything Writer but from what I have it seems that you are both, but especially your DH, tending to look more at how things are now - whereas with a baby on the way it's imperative that you both try to think about how things might work in the future ? I can see why you'd want to think more in terms of joint finances.

Yes- take home pay.