On now. Radio 5 programme about DV. Speaking to men about why they abuse their partners.

[Pagwatch]

Thought some might be interested.
No idea if it will be any good.

It's pretty good actually.
I'm clearly alone though.

Could I have some soundbites?

I'm in Asia and can't listen....

So the men who've abused their partners are actually being interviewed? Wow.

Yes. They are interviewing men about what they did, why they did it, what happened to them etc.
They are intercutting with interviews with people running treatment programmes.

It's extraordinary listening.

I'd love to hear more. Back later. Dinnertime here.

I'll have to wait until it's on Listen Again. Were there any common themes?

What was the programme called?

Whst are their reasons paggy?

It's on the website as a special programme.
The abusers tale. Victoria Derbyshire

here is a link

Unfortunately I had two different deliveries so I missed chunks of it.

One guy said he did it because he was an utter arsehole, which was frank.

The common theme seemed to be a genuine belief that they were entitled.

I am going to try and listen later.

I listened to bits. it was interesting...they did mix in some stories of women whose partners had not changed and acknowledged a 50% drop out rate for the DV perpetrators programmes plus very limited success rates...

I was disappointed that there it seemed the emphasis was on physical abuse...but I guess that makes for dramatic reporting and requires less explanation.

I think I will try to listen to it later in full (if the DCs get to bed in reasonable time!!)

very limited success rates... hmm that would be right.

'Rare and exclusive' Abusers will just love that.

The common theme seemed to be a genuine belief that they were entitled.

This is so crucial and what needs to change in most people's understanding about DV. So often the well-meaning advice about anger management is completely inappropriate.

Very depressing listening.
These were the 'success' stories.
They talked about their partners 'starting off on one', about how they 'lost control' and feared 'another episode' might 'happen' - what were they? - possessed by f*ing aliens?
I could go on - but the only abuser who took any sort of responsibility and suggested they they chose to behave that way was the one who said he was an arsehole and and a scumbag who did what he did because he 'didn't fink he had done nuffink wrong' and that he had reasoned that his partner 'deserved it' - showing a greater self awareness and hope of a better future than any of the others and warming my heart.
As far as the programme was concerned, 50 percent of abusers left the programme without finishing it, and, of those who finished, only a few did not go on to re-offend - the guy who runs the course said that, in some cases, they had to get back to the authorities to say that the abuser was much more dangerous than the original assessment had stated :(
And, before the usual 'Oh well, women can be abusers, too' brigade come on to derail any discussion of what abuse is, gender is not the issue - abuse of power and societal expectations of entitlement do.

... and so sadly broadcast on the same day a man appeared in court charged with murdering his wife by pushing her down the stairs after she found out about HIS affair.

:(

I've not listened to the link yet, but I spoke at a conference and eventually was followed by a former perp.

He was the 'mentor' but what a teat! Talk about minimisation, denial and blame.

I got a roomful of applause, he got tumbleweed.

The reason these insignificant little pricks abuse is through fear and the knowledge that they are total twats, they have to growl, roar and lash out cos they don't have the balls to be as good as normal people are.

Look how pathetic they are. They measure success on NOT having killed people.

Most of us manage that without too much trouble.

As a society, we must stigmatise abusers, show them that they're weak and wimpy to do it, and not people to fear.

We need a police force that jumps all over them, believes us every single time, without hesitation and shows them up for thé pricks that they are.

We need the press to focus on the bastards that kill the 2 women a week, we need the world to know who kills us. We need society to mock and humiliate those that do.

One of my relatives was in an abusive relationship. I was a child at the time but spent a lot of time with them. Alcohol was a factor the abuse only took place when he had been drinking although his abusive behaviour was always under the surface simmering away. I could predict when he was going to get drunk and it felt like he would go and get drunk in order to abuse.

I don't think he abused because he could. I think he abused because he was a bully had self esteem issues and was on a mission to self destruct.

This was 30 years ago and there was a real stigma attached to the perpetrators of domestic violence and quite rightly so.

I think that shame and stigma has gone. A few years back I saw a pregnant teenage relative of mine punched in the stomach by the father of her unborn child. His father laughed and walked on.

I was reading in a local paper the other day about a gang of youths who attacked a teenage girl in broad daylight. Years ago they wouldn't even have admitted to their thuggish friends that they had beaten a teenage girl. Now it can be seen as a badge of honour.

I don't think the shame and stigma has gone. However, it's disappointing how reluctant people (either victims or witnesses) are to report violence to the police. Did anyone report the attack on your pregnant relative? I don't think witnesses, especially, get the right reassurances that they will not become a victim themselves sometimes.

I wanted to report it but didn't want to go against my relatives wishes.

Will it be on a catch up thing later? I cannot listen now but am interested in hearing what is said.

I havn't listened to the programme yet but will do in a bit (is it triggering?).

The point about authorities needing to take it seriously is a good one. When I reported a DV incident last year, I had 2 policemen turn up at my house for a chat.They were completely blase about the whole thing - they told me 'all couples argue sometimes' and didn't want to see the massive bruise on my knee that was causing me difficulty when walking. Then they warned me that if something like this happened again that they would 'have to get social services involved'. Yes because the suggestion that they might take my daughter away from me is going to encourage me to report, right, .

My doctor was similarly unhelpful. I tried to get an appointment to see him about my knee, ended up with a phonecall and chat. I was totally honest about how it had happened and all he said was 'take it easy'.

Of course I could (and should) have pushed harder to be heard, but I didn't and I suspect many like me feel the same. When you're being abused (and told it's your fault by your partner), you start to doubt yourself even more when the very people appointed to protect you just shrug off your concerns.

I would say it is triggering, there are detailed descriptions of violence and it was really upsetting to hear. Interesting though.

I found the clip I was listening to cut off abruptly at the end and I wasn't sure if there was part two?