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Original poster

Boyfriend missing his ex

41 replies

propsandmayhem · 05/10/2013 04:19

This kind of pales in comparison to some of the other stuff here but anyway...
I called my boyfriend this evening, and when he picked up he was really emotional. Turns out he was missing his ex. I don't know how to feel about this. He insisted that he still loves me and blah blah blah, but I can't help feeling a bit put out. Am I just being a silly moo? Sad

OP posts:
Lavenderhoney · 05/10/2013 04:38

No you are not. How did they split up? Is she still around? And how long have you been together.

I think its dreadful he dumps his misery on you, how thoughtless. Are you supposed to commiserate?

It would be better to finish it really. Who wants to be second best? You really are worth more.

alarkthatcouldpray · 05/10/2013 05:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vivacia · 05/10/2013 05:17

How long ago did they split up? Was there any overlap with you going out with him?

HairyGrotter · 05/10/2013 07:11

What?!?! Of course you're not being a silly moo! He needs to buck his ideas right up. I'd get rid by telling him to get over his ex before embarking on a new relationship

TobyLerone · 05/10/2013 07:15

Sounds like a knob.

It's not you, it's him.

BenNJerry · 05/10/2013 07:19

No, you are not. I went through a relationship like this. He said he loved me but he just couldn't seem to get over his ex, and still had contact with her. He ended up seeing her behind my back, so I would definitely tread cautiously with that one.

meditrina · 05/10/2013 07:22

At best he lacks social/communication skills and tact.

And worst, he's still hung up on her. Or is just trying to manipulate you into 'trying harder' to become number one in his drama filled life.

Now, anyone can be reminded of an ex by some random thing that happens. And if you've healed from the relationship break up, it might provoke a wistful smile or a happy memory. But that's pretty much it - transient feeling, not missing someone.

And most definitely not an "I'm missing her" statement to a new partner.

SatinSandals · 05/10/2013 07:35

I would tread very cautiously. It all sounds too soon and as if he isn't ready.

1chocolatetart · 05/10/2013 07:39

He clearly wasn't ready to start a new relationship.

SanityClause · 05/10/2013 07:45

Yeah, not ready for another relationship, and actually quite sinister.

Being made to feel inferior to other people is quite abusive, actually.

flowery · 05/10/2013 07:51

I think assuming someone is "sinister" and "abusive" because he is missing his ex and was honest about it is taking a leap too far.

I agree with others, he's obviously not over her and a relationship with someone who is not over their ex can't be a good idea IMO.

Fairylea · 05/10/2013 07:52

Unless she died I think he is being unfair.

It's a terribly thoughtless thing to say to you.

SanityClause · 05/10/2013 07:57

Okay, flowery, but it's a great big red flag!

Maybe he's just immature, and hasn't developed a sense of what he should say to whom.

Wow, put that way, he sounds like a real catch!

DukeSilver · 05/10/2013 07:59

How immature and nasty of him to tell you. Sounds to be like he is looking to get a reaction out of you. As meditrina said, it seems like he is trying to create drama.

Thisisaeuphemism · 05/10/2013 08:06

I would dump him then he can miss me too.

flowery · 05/10/2013 08:23

Is everyone reading the same OP as me? Confused

He didn't actively seek to give the OP this information. When she rang him, he was emotional. She presumably asked him what was wrong and he was honest and told her rather than lying.

I agree it's thoughtless (and, if he wants to stay with the OP, probably not very sensible!), but nasty and abusive and trying to create drama? Can't see any evidence of that.

SatinSandals · 05/10/2013 08:28

Yes, I did read it and life experience tells me to be very wary, he simply isn't ready to move on.

HairyGrotter · 05/10/2013 08:29

I don't see it as being abusive, just see it as him being a complete jebend who needs to 'heal' before starting another relationship Confused

ThePinkOcelot · 05/10/2013 08:33

Yes, I read the same as you Flowery.

Don't think he's ready for another relationship and if he still gets emotional about her then how can you be anything other than second best.

Move on. Sorry.

Anniegetyourgun · 05/10/2013 08:40

It's not evidence of nastiness; these are all possibilities, some perhaps more likely than others. I'd be interested in how old he is and how long he and the OP have been together; that would make a difference, I feel.

However much people are disagreeing about the reasons for it, though, I don't see a single "he sounds like a lovely, sensitive guy, you should be there to support him over his ex for as long as it takes". And hopefully there won't be one.

Thisisaeuphemism · 05/10/2013 08:42

I don't think he's abusive (necessarily) I do think he's a twat and hes not that into you. Sorry op.

nkf · 05/10/2013 08:48

Find another boyfriend. Or at least, put this one on the backburner and go out with other men. He doesn't sound ready to be in a new relationshp. Better that you know.

nkf · 05/10/2013 08:48

And I don't think it sounds sinister or abusive.

mrswarbouys · 05/10/2013 09:06

He sounds emotionally feeble, not an attractive quality... Tell him to 'man up', live with the choices he's made, or your off.

XiCi · 05/10/2013 12:16

Mrs warbouys I was about to say the exact same thing - emotionally feeble, and needy. Also possibly manipulative and trying to mess with your head. Either way it doesn't bode well.
I can't think of any other reasons you would tell a partner you were missing an ex unless you wanted to end things with the current partner or play mind games.