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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Leaving partner amd moving away - legal advice please?

40 replies

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/10/2013 18:15

Not me.

She lives in NI and has two small primary school children. He is an arse of the highest order. If i posted details on here everyone would agree it was quite an abusive relationship. She has told him she is leaving and returning to England.

He has said he will go to court to prevent her taking the children.

If he does, how long will it take? Can he prevent her moving with them?

Thank you.

OP posts:

middleeasternpromise · 04/10/2013 18:44

By returning to England do you mean she is English? If she is stating the relationship has broken down and they can no longer live together then she is presumably saying she has to move. Is he suggesting that he wishes to me the main carer or is it the case that he doesnt object to the separation but doesnt want the children to leave NI? What are her alternatives in a split situation - could she remain in NI? If she returns to England with the children what arrangements is she proposing to facilitate the childrens contact with their father? Thats going to be some commute BTW!

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/10/2013 18:48

Yes she's english. She has no family there, not many friends. He doesn't want the children full time. She isn't trying to stop him seeing them, just wants to come home. She has no life there. She's been there about 2 yrs i think.

She really doesn't want to stay there. She will take them for holidays to visit and he can visit them as much as he likes.

OP posts:

Chubfuddler · 04/10/2013 18:50

It's very very complex. What country are they in, are they married, where were the children born? She will almost certainly need a court order if he is against it.

It's far from automatic that she will win I'm afraid.

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/10/2013 18:54

One born there, one here. Northern Ireland. Not married.

What i'd like to know is how long will it take HIM to get a court order to prevent her leaving?

OP posts:

Chubfuddler · 04/10/2013 18:56

I'm not sure she can just up and leave. Do they have any kind of formal contact arrangement? A court order?

fifi669 · 04/10/2013 18:57

As it's in the UK isn't she free to move where she pleases?

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/10/2013 18:58

Can't just up and leave him, even though he's an abusive arsehole? Nothing in place as shes not left him yet.

OP posts:

Chubfuddler · 04/10/2013 18:59

No not necessarily. I helped on a family case where the mother needed a court order to move from London to Cornwall because the father opposed it.

Chubfuddler · 04/10/2013 19:00

She can leave him. But she can't necessarily take the children from NI to England.

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/10/2013 19:00

Thank you. I think she just needs to crack on and do it then.

OP posts:

fifi669 · 04/10/2013 19:08

www.dad.info/dad-talk-forum/legal-eagle/1392-children-moving-away

If you scroll down there's a response from some legal type people that says within the UK she's basically fine

fifi669 · 04/10/2013 19:08

www.dad.info/dad-talk-forum/legal-eagle/1392-children-moving-away there's a linky one...

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/10/2013 19:48

Thank you, thats helpful. Have heard of a mum whose ex took children and moved, didn't know where they were for three months (had made all manner of false allegations about her) by the time she found them they were in school and 'settled' and as she worked and the dad didn't he was given custody by the court.

OP posts:

middleeasternpromise · 04/10/2013 19:49

If she has no links with NI other than him, it will be understandable that shes returning to England if that's 'home' to her. What courts dont like to see is deliberate shiftiing as far away as possible so that there cannot be any contact and to cause alientation. She would need to be clear that she made the decision based on where she was likely to receive support to live. Does she work etc?

Johnny5needsinput · 04/10/2013 19:51

I'm sorry but I'd check very carefully. Technically, as with Scotland, Northern Ireland is a different jurisdiction within the UK.

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/10/2013 19:56

No she doesn't work. She is very isolated there. She has a VERY supportive (and worried) family in england. She would like to work once settled. She has nothing there. The children love being in england. She would be moving to the area where she lived for 20 yrs, prior to moving to be with him. parents, step parents, siblings, long term friends etc. Used to run own business in same area.

She is happy for him to see them - hes an arse to her but not to the children though doesn't really parent them as such. So not trying to take them away.

OP posts:

Johnny5needsinput · 04/10/2013 19:59

Notta - I can understand exactly what you are saying but it is anything but automatic. I am sorry but it just isn't like moving from Hereford to Suffolk or whatever. Northern Ireland is a separate legal jurisdiction and has it's own court system.

Your friend really needs to go and get legal advice.

Original poster

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/10/2013 20:03

Thank you Jonny i know what you mean. I think her plans are made and she just wants out.

OP posts:

Johnny5needsinput · 04/10/2013 20:07

Have PM'd you Notta

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/10/2013 20:07

I think, if the situation is very abusive, she should leave with the children, go wherever she sees fit and then argue the toss from there. This doesn't sound like an amicable split and people discussing shared parenting. ... more a question of safety and survival. Abusive men who aren't that engaged as parents in the first place often threaten to sue for custody as a way to scare women into staying close by. What they end up doing is often very different.

Johnny5needsinput · 04/10/2013 20:10

Cognito, I've no doubt that would be the ethically, morally correct thing to do. But legally is a different matter and the OP's friend would be best advised to go and seek legal advice from a Northern Ireland based solicitor who will be able to advise her on the correct procedures to follow.

MadameLeMean · 04/10/2013 20:12

She should get legal advice. I needed a court order to move within the uk. Had I taken dc before doing that, it would have been held against me in court.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/10/2013 20:21

I think it's worth calling this man's bluff. Too many abusive men threaten court action and that's all it is... threats. The OP might be better informed. This man could be wealthy or a lawyer for all we know and he might have easy access to or be familiar with court procedures. If not, and if the OP's friend is in danger, then I think the friend should not stick around just for the sake of abiding by a few rules.

Johnny5needsinput · 04/10/2013 20:30

Cognito - the op asked for legal advice, which is what I've given. Morally, ethically is a different matter.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/10/2013 20:47

I appreciate that. Just thought there was room for another response that wasn't strictly along legal lines. I would hate to think of this poor woman doing things 'by the book' and then ending up as a DV statistic.

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