It's not me, it's you.

[Insanityismymiddlename]

I'm at the end of my tether with DP, I have PND and am getting help as all of it is directed at DP and at times I hate him.

But last night I had a revelation it's not all me and he is to blame for some of it.

I am sick of everytime I get cross he blames my PND, well no you know what its not sometimes its because he is actually an arse.

Last night for example he agreed to get up with DD so I can sleep, DD wakes up and instead of just feeding/winding/changing it turned into a complete clusterfuck.
First he didn't make the bottle up properly and brought up a half made bottle - ok fine I point it out and he corrects it, then only gives her 2oz (she normally has 5 but has to burp after every 2) literally strokes her back for 10 seconds and puts her in the cot, of course DD not happy with this and screams wanting more food, so I ask DP what the point in him saying he will look after her if he doesn't do what he knows he should.

Apparently I am a nasty piece of work and the sooner my PND is fixed the better - no I really weren't the problem this time, he then stomps downstairs to sleep in sofa leaving me to deal with DD, then get up with other DCs and get them to school by myself.

So I just want to rant and say its definitely him not me who is causing arguments.

It's both of you, sorry. Accusatory sentences that start 'what's the point...' or basically say 'you're doing it all wrong...' are antagonistic. If you talk to him this way on a regular basis it's not going to create a nice atmosphere. Please talk to each other calmly in the cold light of day and find a way between you to communicate without 'pointing out' or accusing anyone of being cross or incompetent.

Oh OP you have my sympathy. From what you've said it sounds like your DP was a bit of an arse. How are things now? How are things with him normally?

The thing is he was doing it all wrong, on purpose, so I'd get up and do it myself. He does know how to look after her normally but he just wanted to go back to bed as quick as possible.

I'm not completely faultless in the relationship but blaming me and my PND for simply pointing out she isn't going to sleep as she is still hungry/ has wind and needs a nappy change calling me a nasty piece of work, is uncalled for and inflammatory and as for talking I would but he is currently stomping around the house in a strop refusing to even acknowledge mine or DDs existence.

I think you should ask him to leave for a while rather than stick around making a bad atmosphere.

To be honest things were bad a few weeks back when pnd struck but the last week has been great until last night.

That said with a 5week old baby we don't have a normal anymore everything has changed.

That's true. Everything does change with a baby and tempers will get frayed. But that's a motivation to make an extra effort to speak and be kind to each other, it's not an excuse for pointing fingers, sulking or stomping around.

I tried to speak to him just now and was told to shut up and fuck off, so me and DD are going to go out for a bit and leave the miserable bastard to it.

Seriously considering if I can face being a single mum again as I can't deal with this anymore.

Doesn't help I am meant to be at a funeral today for a close family member but due to it being strictly child free and DP wouldn't take DD for the day I can't go.

Now sitting at the duck pond in the rain just to get out the house, what a great life.

I think your PND might improve greatly if you ask him to leave for a while.
If he's home, why won't he look after DD today?
It doesn't sound great, telling you to fuck off!! That's just nasty.
If my OH told me to fuck off - I would kick his arse out so fast he wouldn't know what was going on.
Pack him a bag and ask him to leave you alone until you know what you want.
You need space away from him for a while to sort it all out in your head.

And I'm really sorry for your loss.
I hope today isn't too difficult.

I would not tolerate my partner talking to me like that.

Does he do that in front of your older dc?

DD is his child? He cannot look after it today? Why?

Have some on this sad day.

No he is good in front of the older DC he just strops and stomps about instead.

DD is his, he wouldn't have her today because he says he cant cope on his own with her.

Thank you for the flowers think its just going to be a bad day all round.

He can't cope on his own? What use is he to you then?

hold on, hold on, hold on. This might be an unpopular view but have a good hard look at yourself in the mirror please.

You admit you have PND. PND can have a distorting effect on reality as can all depression. Look at your post from that perspective OP.

He got up in the night but you berated him for "doing it all wrong" - you then get up and show him how do do it all properly. Thats nice - really, nothing helps you do something than having a ranty partner shout at you in the middle of the night "you are doing it all wrong". Oh of course he must have been doing it deliberately.

The poor bugger is trying to help, for his pains, you yell at him. Not surprised he told you to fuck off. To be honest - you deserve it! So advice: Pull yourself together - deep breath. And say after me. Dont interfere with my DP trying to help unless he critically endangers our child. Then go to bed.

Of course he can't cope on his own - not if he is continually told he is doing it wrong! looking after her is setting himself up for another bollocking isnt it! After all he wont get the nappy quite right, or give her the right milk etc. The poor bloke is trying to engage and is being pushed away by your insistence of his incompetence. Let him help, let him make mistakes no parent is perfect. In fact - thank him for attempting - build his self confidence and then you will be able to leaver her with him, check into a hotel (the ones with bubble bath and wine) and have that which you need most of all. Sleep.

Your welcome - no really - you are...

Stopping and stomping around isn't being good.

Get back inside and have a and try to talk to him. It's time he started to cope with her, he's her dad.
When is the funeral? Could you still make it if he agrees to look after her?

Oh - and if this is harsh I apologise - and seeing the piece about the funeral I am truly sorry about your loss and hope the funeral goes okay.

Stropping

Voice
Did you read this bit!!!!
DD is his, he wouldn't have her today because he says he cant cope on his own with her
She won't know if the funeral goes OK because she won't be there because her DH is an arse of the highest order!
He is of no use what-so-ever!

Sorry if I'm ranting OP, but that bit has just made me soooo cross for you!

The more the OP writes, the more unreasonable DP looks and the more PND sounds like a symptom of the problem rather than the cause. I'd suggest again OP that you tell him to step out for a while. If your mood lifts when he's gone I wouldn't be surprised.

I in no way wish to belittle the seriousness of PND for women who have been very badly affected while in loving, supportive relationships, but it never ceases to amaze me how many women's PND miraculously disappears or improves when they get rid of unsupportive partners.

I hate this word 'help' when it relates to something that is someone's joint responsibility. Because if you truly believe something is your responsibility, you make damned sure you learn how to it and don't fuck it up so that the other person has to take over. If on the other hand you think something's not your responsibility and your efforts are merely 'helping' the other person with it, then there's no incentive to learn how to do it properly. So if you keep fucking it up, they'll stop asking for your 'help' and it gets you off scott free.

Voice DP made a bottle with our perfect prep machine using the hot shot and not waiting to add the cold water so I'm not just going to let him give DD a boiling hot bottle.

I have PND I ain't an idiot so please point out where I said I shouted and berated him and gave him a bollocking.

I came on here for support and you well yeah thanks.

Anyway thanks to everyone else for your helpful advice, I came home and DP had calmed down, we both know sleep deprivation is killing us so he is going to his mums for a few days to think, he thought parenthood would be easier then it is and is not sure he wants to stick around... my day just keeps getting better.

So he buggers off to mummy, leaving you to do everything all by yourself, while he snuggles down and gets some much needed rest and decides whether or not he wants to be a parent to the children he chose to create?

Why do they do this? Oh, it's so hard for me us, so I will leave, and make things easier for me, royally shafting you as I do so. Good luck mate, I'm off, you deal with everything now.

don't you just want to slap them till their face falls off?