I feel like my marriage is breaking down :(

[flootshoot]

Sorry. This is long, but I need to get it out.

I feel like I never see DH. He works 9-5ish with a 45min drive at either end. Recently lots of work related stuff has come up, conferences, overnight trips etc. I'm confident this is all kosher and not a cover for OW before anyone asks. We moved in the summer to be nearer his job so we'd see more of him but the reality just doesn't seem to have worked that way. His job has become more demanding in terms of after hours stuff, and he's refusing to give up his social commitments. We got back from a short break on Friday and since then he's been out sat afternoon (leaving me jetlagged and with two young DC, despite me saying several times I didn't want him to go), he was out all day Sunday at a sport thing and out last night too. He's out at a conference tonight, possibly staying overnight. He ropes in his mum to help me (she is lovely and doesn't mind), but he seems to think that's it covered when to my thinking that's just him taking the piss out of her as much as me.

Every time I bring it up, it's 'why are you bringing it up now?' Well because there's never a bloody good time, he's never here! I've been angry with him for days but I'm supposed to bottle it up and wait (until when? I don't even know when he's home). I'm so fed up. I'm miserable, lonely, I feel pointless. Today he bitched that I'm not working. I'm not working because I left my job to move house. I've got bank shifts lined up but they're nights. I can't find day work that fits in around DC, and weekend work is going to 'eat into family time.'

This morning I was in floods and he told me I needed to find a solution if I was unhappy. I've told him I'm unhappy because of him so he needs to take some responsibility for that. Poor DS was there too and told DH to 'just leave, daddy'. He's only four, I feel awful.

I'm sorry this is so long and rambling. I know there are far worse relationships and this will seem trivial to some. But I can't go on like this. Ive spent sinking thinking I'm being unreasonable and demanding I never stopped to think that maybe I'm in the right. I don't even know what I want anyone to say.

[cjel]

really pleased how was responsive last night and hope you can keep up the changes you want with his support.

[Earthworms]

De lurking to say, good for you, and please, please stick with the driving.

I live in a v rural area, no public transport to speak of. I'd be lost without being able to drive. I come across sahms who not drive the through my work, and I am always sad for them at how isolated they become. Soul destroying for them really. Your life will betransformedifyou can sort the driving.truly.

[shootfromthehip]

All the best floot, I hope it goes well. I have just split up with my husband who didn't listen when I talked to him about my issues that were almost exactly the same as yours! I'm genuinely really pleased for you!

[MABS]

Good luck sweetie

[BigPawsBrown]

Good luck

[FrancescaBell]

Just seen this update.

All sounds good but tbh, I find it hard to believe your husband thought his behaviour was okay beforehand and needed this showdown to wake him up to it.

Keep an open mind OP about why this is happening, while enforcing your boundaries.

[carlywurly]

Same as captain mummy here (and my dcs even call me captain mummy - is that because of swashbuckle?!)

Once xh left it was much easier, simply because I didn't have any hopes of relying on him to be dashed. Ironically, he's much better now, because he spends proper weekend time with the dcs and his new dp seems to have the same issue I used to.