does it ever work if one partner is pro vaccination and the othervis anti vaccination?

[superstarheartbreaker]

Just wondering if this issue is a bone of contention or has split anyone up? Ive met a lovely man who wants kids and so do I but for some reason we got talking about vaccinations. He Iis very anti vaccination and hasnt got his kids done whereas im very pro vaccination. For some reason I know this is a big issue for me. Am I being daft? I guesd I just get people who fall for conspiracy theoriescand scaremongering. There are many other qualities about him I do get and admire though. Very early stages so do I carry on?

Agree that the Ignorance of someone who was anti vax would be a deal breaker for me. To me, it's utterly incomprehensible.

Big knickers that is a quote from a friend of mine who is anti vaccine. I have also read an anti vaccine article making this same argument.

Those who delay vaccination, (except if there are health risks) do you understand that while you delay it your baby could get seriously ill?

There are reasons for the schedules

As this is posted in relationships, the vax issue doesn't strike me as the key point.

The question is 'is it worth persisting with a (very new) relationship now I've established conflicting views on something where there is no compromise option?"

It's essentially the same question as 'I want children, he doesn't or 'he's in the Forces and loves it but I can't face moving house every three years"

As OP says she feels strongly about this, then the decision is whether conflicting views in this area is a deal breaker for her. And if it is, then the relationship doesn't have a future and is better ended now, whilst new, than later when more emotion is invested in it.

Big knickers, when I was taking ds to gp I got bumped up to the top of the queue by a gp who literally ran across the waiting room to the consulting office shouting ds's name. She explained in the consultation that a suspected measles case was due in ( ds had not yet been vacc). She made sure the suspected measles case was not in before she let me out of the room and escorted me out of the building. The longer the time unvaccinated the greater the risk of exposure to damaging and deadly disease. The gp took the risk very, very seriously and I am grateful for that.

In my view, the 'anti-vacc' brigade are generally (perhaps unwittingly) relying on 'everyone else' to get their DCs immunised in order to maintain the 80% herd immunity that is required to prevent outbreaks. Witness the stampede to get DCs immunised against measles in Wales recently - I'll wager there were a lot of terrified 'anti-vacc' parents in it.

Oh, and if there is deep irreconcilable conflict between parents about vaccination, the 'wants to' parent can take the issue before a judge, and the judge will invariably decide in favour of immunisation. Heaven knows what effect this has on the relationship. IME, anti-vaccs are not amenable to any arguments in support of 'the other side' so unless you are prepared to let your future DCs go un-immunised, or take the matter to court, best back out now.

'In my view, the 'anti-vacc' brigade are generally (perhaps unwittingly) relying on 'everyone else' to get their DCs immunised in order to maintain the 80% herd immunity that is required to prevent outbreaks.'

That's bollocks. Many people against vaccinations are bloody pissed off that people are vaccinating and preventing their children's immune systems from coming across the weak forms of the diseases that can boost health. They believe that some diseases are so dangerous now because they land on children with underdeveloped immune systems as a consequence of vaccinations.

The only relationship I know where there is this sort of mismatch, the wife is now obediently following all the 'rules' that have been imposed upon her such as 'no milk' (alternatives only) even though she clearly doesn't want to and takes any opportunity she can do to have the things that she's not allowed at home. Her husband is increasingly strange, and most of the children are being brought up with very few 'normal' guidelines. How most of them will ever fit into adult life I do not know.

Wild generalisations and assumptions about those who choose not to vaccinate on this thread.

Go treat your ignorance.

mistlethrush I don't really understand your post?

I understand mistlethrush perfectly. Being 'anti-vacc' (rather than just wary or wanting more information) is a very polarised stance. People who adopt such entrenched views are often very black & white about other issues.... diet, religion, politics, which way to drive a car etc... and want to impose these views on others. Has all the potential for bullying.

its interesting people are saying that as adults they contracted measels or mumps with disastrous results. I can understand their parents did not vaccinate them but why as adults did they not go and get vaccinated if they felt so strongly about vaccinations?

fwiw i dont agree with vaccinations on a blanket basis but do think they should be looked at individually and applied as such.

I was born in the sixties and contracted measles age 5 which was serious enough to leave me deaf for quite some time. The measles vaccination wasnt in existence then so it wasn't a choice of my parents. There's no point me getting vaccinated against measles as an adult because I've already had the disease. However, I got my own DS vaccinated for obvious reasons. Commonsense.

Really?

I must have been really lucky to not encounter this. .

So far the handful of parents I met while I was in the mist of this myself have all been very private about their choices but l genuinely felt they were making the best choice for their children based on the information they had at the time, which is what all of us do right? I didn't notice anything else about them in terms of being intense or closed minded in other aspects of their lives.

I guess I get most upset when its likened to abuse or the words 'taken seriously' are used. This decision was incredibly difficult for me to make and it was really stressful. ..the idea that someone might consider it abuse or neglect or even question my care of my baby upsets me deeply. Obviously I had serious medical issuespto consider.. but I've never met anyone who doesn't vaccinate who doesn't love their children with all that they are. I don't think there was anything selfish in it at all. Fear yes. But they made a parenting choice that was theirs to make.

It feels a long time ago to me now so perhaps im struggling to understand .. all I remember was how confused and stressed I found it.

My point was that, for the only couple I know with such different stances on matters, the wife is now in what I think is probably an EA situation, and the husband's stance on matters, including letting the children run wild, rules.

Clearly not all anti-vac people are in this situation, and I am not generalising. I was only mentioning the one relationship I was aware of where this was the situation.

Hopefully it might get the OP to find out whether the anti-vac thing is properly thought out and backed up, and the only thing that they have a difference on, or whether there are more deep seated issues that mean their future relationship might run into problems.

starlight , the native Americans were catastrophically hit by measles when the settlers arrived, centuries ago - they had pretty tough immune systems I would imagine, just no immunity at all against measles. If you want a world where populations develop a 'background immunity' against viral illness (if that is even possible - I'm not an expert), you have to accept death and disability from the wild infection as the price you pay. We don't accept that, so we immunise. Immunity is disease-specific.

cogito you can get measles twice so what does it matter if you had it when you were 5?

That's news to me. I've had various vaccinations in the intervening years. Maybe I should check it out. Thanks...

'you have to accept death and disability from the wild infection as the price you pay'

Of course. As you have to accept death and disability from the vaccinations if you want a high percentage vaccination rate. It can be argued that the death and disability rate from the wild infection would not be anywhere near what it would be now though, had measles not been part-removed through vaccination.

I don't have the stats. It isn't my argument. I'm not against vaccination.

However I always seem to end up defending anti-vaccination because of the sheer ignorance that is spouted by so many pros.

Starlight I feel the same. As I've already said I vaccinate. I have my own thoughts and feelings on suitability of when. .and how and whst they are made from. . but I find the attack against those who chose not to hard to listen to.

Er not true cogito. I am 'anti-vac' for my children for some very specific reasons. I am, however, entirely broad minded about all the other issues you mention and would defend any individual's right to be an individual. It is more 'entrenched' in my view to apply a 'one size fits all' solution.

Just wanted to add a note of agreement with meditrina, mistle and cogito. Pro- or anti- vac position aside, a determined and non-negotiable stance on this (and many other) issues may be very divisive and indicative of wider problems that may occur later. Opposing views may not necessarily be a deal breaker but refusing to try and understand a partner who holds a different view ( whatever the topic) might be. I am very wary of anyone who is so rigid in their opinions that they refuse to even engage with contradictory evidence.