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Original poster

Friend rant, possibly unreasonable and petty.....

57 replies

Ezio · 01/10/2013 11:29

Friend B says to me, her and Friend A are meeting for coffee, did i want to go, i said yes.

Come today, i get to the carpark before A and B (Same car), i see them pulling in the acknowledge me, i park and go to find friends car, they are there, so i go back to my car to get my phone.

B calls and passes me to A,
A: Want drink do you want?
Me: Nothing at the moment. (Hadnt thought about what i wanted at that point)
A: Whats wrong?
Me: Nothing, be there soon.
A: Well i was gonna have your drink waiting, but you can get your own drink.
(She hangs up)

Now we were parked in the same carpark, about 20 cars away from each other, but they decided not to wait for me, even though they could easily have found my car, its very noticeable.

After she hang up, i sent a text saying i'd meet them another time.

No Reply.

While shopping B calls me, to ask were i am, i said i wasnt in the mood to meet now after A got in a hissy and hung up on me.

Now i have had many gripes with these two.

Starting with A, who decided on my 30th birthday, that she would flake out on our previous plans for that day, so at 5pm she disappeared to see her DP, it hurt my feelings but i said nothing, because she would thing im being ungrateful.

A and B, 3 days before my birthday had a falling out, over A thinking B didnt want A to come out for dinner on the friday before my birthday.

I had to play peacemaker and i threatened to pull out of my birthday celebrations, because i was angry with them both.

Also back in May they had a falling out over the tickets to my birthday treat, i back then threatened that we wouldnt be going if they didnt grow up.

Friend B gets pissed off if she doesnt get invited to everything, she seems to think im there for her entertainment only, if she gets a better offer, she has no interest in me, if i start getting friend with a man, she gets all jealous.

I feel so pissed off with the pair of them, A is moving 600 miles away, i would think we be appreciating the time we have left to do things as a threesome. But obviously not.

Petty i know, but sometimes you cant help it.

OP posts:
Capitaltrixie · 01/10/2013 12:32

Actually yes; I missed the bit where they called you to ask what you wanted. Thinking back, were you a bit huffy with them on the phone as you thought they'd walked off without you, but actually they'd gone to grab a table and get drinks for you all? maybe? (that would make more sense..)

Original poster
Ezio · 01/10/2013 12:35

I only said i didnt want anything atm because i didnt know what i wanted, i said i'd be there, A said, Well i was gonna have your drink waiting, but you can get your own drink, i werent rude to her, but she still hung up on me.

OP posts:
Leavenheath · 01/10/2013 12:37

Thank you. That reads very differently then.

If they'd seen you and properly acknowledged you, it seems odd to me that they went on ahead to the coffee shop without you.

If on the other hand you just think they saw you and acknowledged you, it's not odd in the least if they parked, went into the shop and hoped to see you there.

I don't notice people's cars. Especially if I'm with other people.

Original poster
Ezio · 01/10/2013 12:39

They know it was me, because i waved at them, plus my car is bright yellow, its very hard to miss.

Plus B said they saw me.

OP posts:
Capitaltrixie · 01/10/2013 12:40

Hmm if you weren't rude or huffy with them then I'm flummoxed! sorry.

I think they may have been annoyed about something else or something else altogether is going on; it doesn't sound like normal behaviour between friends who supposedly like each other!

Leavenheath · 01/10/2013 12:42

Are you a bit of a faffer I wonder?

Someone who takes ages to park, get change for the meter, retrieve her personal possessions, goes back to cars to get things she's forgotten?

Original poster
Ezio · 01/10/2013 12:43

If i was rude to her, she would have said alot more than she did back, probably the words fuck off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ezio · 01/10/2013 12:44

Not more than either them are Leaven, i had change ready and was a minute from the machine, afterall they would have had to pay too.

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 01/10/2013 12:51

Well it would have been easier for them to order for you otherwise you would have had to queue again
So I think you were being unreasonable , sorry!

CaptainSweatPants · 01/10/2013 12:51

& how petulant to just drive off!

Flowerybitch · 01/10/2013 12:53

three's a crowd!

Original poster
Ezio · 01/10/2013 12:53

I didnt drive off.

OP posts:
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 01/10/2013 12:54

Why on earth didn't you just go and have a cup of coffee?

Why, why, why???

I think you've been a little bit silly and blown something up out of proportion.

TheAwfulDaughter · 01/10/2013 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fromparistoberlin · 01/10/2013 12:58

what keema said

you went off in a silly huff. they clearly wanted your company as they called to offer a drink

I think you need to take a step back, and grow up a bit. AND rely less on friends for emotional satisfaction

CaptainSweatPants · 01/10/2013 12:58

Oh sorry
You texted & then drove off Hmm
all because they didn't meet you in the car park , baffled

FishfingersAreOK · 01/10/2013 13:01

I hate people waiting for me in situations like this - I would much rather they went into the coffee shop and waited there (one of them have needed the loo- who knows). I think it was perfectly, perfectly reasonable for them to have gone ahead to the shop. I think it was lovely of them to have phoned you and asked you what you wanted.

You? Undecided is fine. Huffy and stropping is not.

And the birthday thing? I cannot make head nor tail of what happened - so cannot work out who was human let alone if anyone was being unreasonable.

LadyGoodman · 01/10/2013 13:06

you all sounds like hard work jeez!!

You should have gone and met them you were the huffy one AND it works both ways if your friend is moving 600 miles away you should have also made the most of the opp to spent time with her before she goes.

Spiritedwolf · 01/10/2013 13:13

Starting with A, who decided on my 30th birthday, that she would flake out on our previous plans for that day,

Do you think that she might think you "flaked out" of plans today? Given that you got as far as parking in the same car park as them, saying you would be there soon then disappeared?

I realise we are seeing this conversation without hearing the tone but:

A: Want drink do you want?
Me: Nothing at the moment. (Hadnt thought about what i wanted at that point)
A: Whats wrong?
Me: Nothing, be there soon.
A: Well i was gonna have your drink waiting, but you can get your own drink.
(She hangs up)

It wasn't a terrible conversation but you seem to have misunderstood each other and were maybe both a bit snappy. She seems to have taken you rejecting her offer of a drink personally when you just hadn't made your mind up yet, and you seem to have taken her reaction as a reason not to go - why? If you didn't want her to order the drink you would have had to get your own, it was a statement of fact.

I don't think they were delibrately excluding you by walking away, either they hadn't seen you, or they had but didn't understand why you were going back to your car or how long you'd be, so they phoned and offered to get your drink ordered. You said no, so they thought there was something wrong, they might have picked up you were annoyed at them by your tone so were a bit snippy about explaining they were offering you a drink, you had said you'd be there soon. They ended the call thinking you were on your way, then you didn't show up? sent them a text message and were wondering why they called you later wondering if there was something wrong? Confused

I'd think that if my friend acted the way you did, that there was something else going on that you were upset about. It seems an over-reaction to a percieved slight - them walking away from the car park when you think they ought to have seen your car and didn't know you were just coming.

Are you okay? Your title was right really, but is there a reason why you are upset about a silly misunderstanding?

Next time, just go to the cafe anyway, say you left something in the car, were surprised they didn't wait and hadn't had a chance to think about what you wanted to order, and felt that the way ended the call was a bit abrupt. Then laugh with them over coffee at the misunderstanding and hear how they were just unobservant, tried to include you by offering to get you a drink and were a bit taken aback when you said you didn't want anything.

You just need to communicate better with them about what your expectations are "hi, I just nipped back to the car for my phone, I'm two mins behind you, will decide what to have when I get there." etc.

If they are mean to you, you don't need to be friends with them, but it sounds like this was just a misunderstanding that both sides got a bit snippy about.

Anniegetyourgun · 01/10/2013 13:18

The thing that depresses me most is that at least one of the protagonists in this scenario is old enough to drive.

Spiritedwolf · 01/10/2013 13:19

Cross posted my last post as it was so long. But I don't think your clarifications have changed anything. You need to talk to them - hey why didn't you wait for me, not go off in a huff.

hoppingmad · 01/10/2013 13:27

From what you've said I suspect your tone of voice on the phone was probably a bit abrupt. I'm basing this on the fact your friend called wanting to buy you a drink, and within a few words was saying you could get your own - and the fact you mentioned in your op you were annoyed they didn't wait.

I suspect this annoyance showed in your tone of voice tbh.

I say this as someone who has a tendency to get a bit moody herself, I think you overreacted and flounced off.

Leavenheath · 01/10/2013 13:47

Grin Annie.

I'm not sure I'm going to be of any help here either.

I just can't imagine having any expectation that any friend of mine would tell me to 'fuck off' in the extremely unlikely event of me being rude to her, or her thinking I was.

This thread feels like a visit to a different world.

However FWIW I think your behaviour was most blameworthy in this particular incident OP, but it's difficult to comment on the bigger context or about other conflicts between the three of you. It does occur that maybe you're all very bad for eachother and bring out the worst in your individual personalities.

viperslast · 01/10/2013 13:48

It sounds to me like you have different styles of communication. It is something I have discovered I do too. Where a person seems to be rude actually they are being normal and I am being strange - in their opinion. It suddenly clicked for me one day, it's just a different approach. After that I made a conscious effort not to respond too quickly, to give things a bit of time to see how they panned out and 9 times out of 10 everything was fine!

The major one being written messages, texts, fb etc. Having learnt it about myself I have observed a lot of other people doing the same thing. Reading things in a way that could be totally opposite to how they were meant. Sadly I have been in the middle of the break up of a large group of friends and they were all at it! It's so easy to do, just take a breath and try to see if it could be seen in a different light before reacting.

Next time go for the coffee, buy yours, join them and brightly say you just couldn't decide what you wanted but thank you for the offer, so how's thing's. .. Penny to a pound everything would have been fine Smile (I honestly suspect they went ahead to get the coffees in not to snub you!)

Cosydressinggown · 01/10/2013 13:55

I think your behaviour was embarrassing! Your friends weren't in their car so you went back to get your phone and call them - why not just go and find them in the place where you were meeting them?! Your friends went on ahead (SO?!) and were kind enough to call to ask what you wanted so you'd have a drink waiting. Then you said you wanted nothing to drink - despite meeting in a coffee shop, you were already annoyed with them so you probably sounded petulant, plus how many options are there in a coffee shop for goodness sake?! Your friend then objected to your rude tone, and so you decide not to meet them. I'm really cringing for you!