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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

JELLYJELLY - Support Thread

86 replies

looneytune · 26/06/2006 19:26

Sorry JellyJelly but I hoped you wouldn't mind me starting a thread for people to help you get through this difficult time.

Xdp is being a total a*se and you need all the friends you can get at the moment!

EVERYONE, PLEASE GIVE EXTRA SUPPORT ON SATURDAY (1ST JULY) as this will be a very hard day for JellyJelly - I'm worried about her being on her own! Anyone got any idea's what she should do to take her mind off it (I really wish I could be there for her but that day I have my neice and nephew for reasons some of you may already know).

Hope you don't mind me doing this JellyJelly

xxxxx

OP posts:
Original poster
looneytune · 01/07/2006 22:58

Hope you had a nice day mate. Am away at brothers tonight but will try and contact you tomorrow! xxxx

OP posts:
jellyjelly · 02/07/2006 10:48

It was a very hard day, i also expected him to text or call or something but nothing. Ds doesnt want to talk to him at all.

Original poster
looneytune · 02/07/2006 17:05

I really feel for you mate and wish I could have been there for you! Maybe he didn't call because it would make it worse for you? Having said that, who cares, he's be horrible to you recently and I just don't understand how he can do all this to you and then treat you how he has been!!

No wonder ds doesn't want to speak to him!

When are you going away again? Keep forgetting!

OP posts:
jellyjelly · 02/07/2006 19:20

He always said that both i and ds could call whenever we want to and now his phone is off, He hardly ever turns his phone off which makes me wonder what he is doing.

shhhh · 03/07/2006 14:23

Glad the day went okish..I know what he's doing jellyjelly...he's messing with your head..! By turning the phone on and off at his control he's trying to let you know that he has the control. I know it's hard but you really shouldn't give him the satisfaction.
I don't blame your ds for not wanting to speak to him and I hope your xp realises one day that this is his sone and to not want or to not be wanted by your own son is quite a big thing.
I really wouldn't make any attempt to contact him unless you really need to re:Stuff over dh,the home,etc. You will just make things harder for you.

Let him see the fact that you no longer need him.
xx

jellyjelly · 03/07/2006 16:32

Trying to get my life on check now. I told him that i tried to call him yesterday he said his phone was dead so was off but he then said he tried to call me after to talk to me.

He sent an email today asking if i had involved the csa or if we could do it on our own and amicably, i said that depended on what he wanted from the house. Now the gloves are on and it is time to fight.

shhhh · 03/07/2006 18:02

I don't know anything about the csa...but aren't you best in involving them..?? Not able to offer persnal advice etc but I thought they needed to know anyway..? Although things could be amicable now what could happen in 2,5,10 years time..? His circumstances could change which could drastically affect you. I think the fact you have a ds together you really need to sort it legally iykwim.

I'm glad you are feeling ready to fight things put though, thats a good sign.

jellyjelly · 03/07/2006 18:49

Somebody said something like prepare for war but pray for war and i thought that was good. Job and martgage is the next step on the things to do list.

Original poster
looneytune · 15/07/2006 08:17

I just wanted to say well done to JellyJelly for having the guts to go away with her ds for a nice break away. I know how nervous she was about driving to this place as she's not been driving that long but she did it, all by herself!

Well done Jelly!

OP posts:
jellyjelly · 15/07/2006 16:24

thanks looney, i had a brill time which is just as well as x is being a complete tosser adn being very thoughtless. He also doesnt want to pay maintenance so what do i do now?

Original poster
looneytune · 22/07/2006 15:41

Well, took jellyjelly out as arranged and i'm so proud of her. No tears or moaning about the git, was confident, had fun and guess what............SHE PULLED I won't go into details - will let her come and here and show off

WELL DONE Jelly!

I feel sooooooooooooo rough but glad it was worth it!

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 22/07/2006 16:08

jellyjelly have only just seen all of this. I am so sorry but you sound as though you are making a real effort and doing a superb job. Well done and keep strong.

tinyFox · 22/07/2006 16:35

I have just read the whole thread.

I admire your strengh.

I wish you every happiness for the future.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/07/2006 17:19

"He also doesnt want to pay maintenance so what do i do now?".

Jellyjelly,

You need good and proper legal advice as soon as possible. Some solicitors offer a free 30 minute/60 minute consultation.

He is responsible financially for his child and cannot abdicate his responsibility to this person. He may well hate you (think this is why he has said this to you) but he cannot and should not use the child as a pawn to get back at you.

jellyjelly · 22/07/2006 17:23

I had a fab time but feel so rough. I keep remembering more things that were said and that makes me giggle alot. Feel so ill now.

Nice guy and i have a date on wed this week.

Re the maintenance i have to go through the csa now as will be claiming income support.

Original poster
looneytune · 22/07/2006 20:42

I'm still feeling rough now, what a night eh!!! I think I'll be staying away from alcohol for a little while!!

AttilaTheMeerkat - what's her xp got to get back at her for? He was the cheating tosser and she found out 2 weeks before her wedding day. Not quite sure why he would have reason to hate her and want to get back at her?

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/07/2006 07:54

Hi LT,

I would argue he is vindictive and now the solids have hit the air con he will go all out to be nasty (and his actions to date re the phone and CSA are indicative of this).

This man does not want to pay maintenance even though he is financially responsible for his own child. He is therefore using this child as a stick to get back at jelly with.

Hope you recover from your night out soon!

Original poster
looneytune · 23/07/2006 07:58

I see, yeah, you are right about him! I read it as being something JellyJelly was supposed to have done wrong but then again, I felt very very rough yesterday

I'm feeling better today but could have done without the usual 6am wake up call from ds .

How you feeling today Jelly?

OP posts:
jellyjelly · 23/07/2006 08:06

I feel better than i did and really good when i first woke up but not feeling a bit worse. I wanted to crawl into bed at 7 but couldnt.Was very nice to turn my phone on then get a text!

Original poster
looneytune · 25/07/2006 09:34

looking forward to tomorrow night?

OP posts:
Original poster
looneytune · 26/07/2006 22:13

So, you're on your date . Make sure you fill us in

OP posts:
jellyjelly · 27/07/2006 08:10

I was very excited and nervous before the date. Things were good but he likes someone else from work adn he wants to be friends but she is getting married so he cant move on from her yet. He said he likes me alot and i am lots of fun and did i want to go for lunch on saturday.

Original poster
looneytune · 28/07/2006 11:43

In major shock that your x(tosser)p is living off my road. What are the odds of that happening???? Not like he's from round here. Very weird and I hope for his sake we never bump into each other!!!!

OP posts:
BernieBear · 28/07/2006 14:12

Only just read this (and the previous thread).

Firstly well done, you are amazing. I have had an idea about employment.

Have you got a university near you? They don't pay extremely well, however often offer parttime work (18.5 hours a week). This is what I do and still get tax credits (am also single mother) additionally you also get other benefits. Flexibility, awareness of mums needing to be off with children, creche/childcare etc, flexitime, termtime contracts etc also, and in my case this is the clincher, they usually have a counselling service (had pnd and have just come off the ads). It was just a thought, as am unsure of what is on offer in your area.

Additionally, me and my ds dogwalk! It is just pocket money really but helps toward saving for days out etc. plus it gets us out of the house.

Keep at it, there are a lot of mnetters who are very proud of you on here!

much love to and your ds.

BernieBear · 28/07/2006 14:17

Here is the link to Reading University job page

University of Reading Vacancies

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