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Original poster

My ex is harassing me - advice please?

63 replies

LovesPeace · 27/09/2013 13:55

Hi
I left my ex partner of 13yrs 18 months ago, after I discovered that he had been cheating in a variety of ways; using prostitutes, going dogging, swinging, and targeting young women at his work, and through social activities.
He was immensely angry with me at the time, throwing me out to sleep in my car, demanding I pay his flat deposit etc.

I have met someone lovely, who wants to get married and plan a life together, so I'm really happy except that my ex keeps bothering me.

He has some of my things, photos, and a little cash (not much bothered), and I have some of his (jewellery worth around £1k), and he demands his stuff back.

I offered to post it ( but no go, as he says it can't be insured), and in Aug I offered him two dates to meet, in response to a text. He only replied the night before telling me he was going away.

Now, he is harassing me to meet again, but I'm busy until November (peak time at work). I told him November, but he's getting really arsey with the texts, real passive aggressive.
What can I do? Am I obliged to meet him now as he demands?

(Sorry for long post)

OP posts:
FriskyHenderson · 27/09/2013 17:41

Or what Clam said.

clam · 27/09/2013 17:41

And I would add: do NOT meet up with him in person. That is what he wants. Don't give him the satisfaction.

LisaMedicus · 27/09/2013 17:42

Good luck, I am keeping all crossed for you.

I agree about him denying about the post etc, it will be another stick to beat you with. If you can get people to witness and sign to the handover so much the better.

Really hope it works out for you - I would be marking off the days until I could get rid of this stuff and him with it.

Original poster
LovesPeace · 27/09/2013 17:43

I can't go to his work - it's only open 9-5 weekdays - and I'm working every day including Weekends until the end of Oct when I'm away (400 miles away).
Back for the start of Nov, when I have weekends free, and much less work on, so can meet him.

I work 1 FT and 3 PT jobs at the moment you see?

OP posts:
Original poster
LovesPeace · 27/09/2013 17:44

Oh, and I'm concerned he'll injure my animals who live outdoors, not with me (sorry to be vague).

OP posts:
LisaMedicus · 27/09/2013 17:49

my view, fwiw, is that the post won't work.

If the parcel is sent via courier, no matter how many photos he could still claim not recieved, or break it and claim that the item was deliberately damaged before sending, then claim through courts. If it was sent via Royal Mail/Parcel Force then he would claim not received, signature forged and claim through the courts. This is obviously my view and I could be wrong. However without witnesses then there will always be a possibility of a claim and more drama/stress.

Sending someone else to drop them off is also an option, thinking about it.

Obviously this is my view, but in light of all the scams that you hear about on the various ebay boards, you cannot have faith that he will behave. I think I would try and get someone else to hand it over in the OP's position.

Good luck.

CupOCoffee · 27/09/2013 17:52

Do you want your stuff back as well?

If he needs a crb but does the things you describe, then does he need reporting?

LilyBossom · 27/09/2013 17:53

could you send a friend to his work with the parcel - they would then be witness too?

clam · 27/09/2013 17:57

Do not meet him!!!!!!!

oldgrandmama · 27/09/2013 18:22

Telling him to pick up his junk at a third party's place is a great idea. And in return, he gives back your stuff. And - in front of third party, he has to open package of his junk and agree it's all there.

If he keeps on bothering you, tell the Police.

ihearsounds · 27/09/2013 18:30

You can send things through collect plus, and these are sent from some corner shops, mainly with paypoint.
Book the delivery, print off the label, attach to package, take to shop and post... You could add the contents in the shop and get them to sign a witness statement of what went in the package and the condition of items. Everything will also be on cctv... Although this all depends on how friendly the people are in the shop.

Just send his stuff and get him out of your life.. unless of course you are deep down enjoying the drama.

TalkativeJim · 27/09/2013 20:14

Your next text should be this:

'No, I will be the one texting you with a suitable date and time, thanks. If you aren't happy with that, there's a chance I'll be visiting XX (town where he works) sometime in the next few weeks - I'll drop the parcel off there. Would be nice to get the chance to chat to some of your colleagues! If you don't want me to do that, I'm happy to wait until November. Up to you! Speak soon, all the best.'

SEND IT!

And stop worrying and start worrying him instead. Creepy little fuckstain.

NorksAreMessy · 27/09/2013 20:37

Send it to his work's HR department to open and photograph when they open it (evil)

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