The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Driving Through The Autumn Scenes, Searching For Our Sober Dreams.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :) Welcome to the Bus, (aka Gerald ).

I'm one of the Brave Babes on board this fabulous Bus of travellers, all in search of their sobriety in one form or another.

We have those who drink in moderation, those who have a set pattern of days on and off the booze, and we have posters who have been sober for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years.

There are two lines that the Bus has painted down the side, one on each -

The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement and Alcohol Fosters Inertia

So, if you think you're drinking too much or you're worried about another person, then come find a seat.

We get through our days chatting about all sorts of things, life is, after all, full of plenty of things to fuel our desire to drink, and we're all very different people

However, our common goal is sobriety. :)

The Last Thread

The Reason We're Here - The First Thread

Nemo is off school today too, I have had the worst night of my life ever, I honestly thought I was going to have to go to A&E, I was soaking, shivering, shaking and wheezing with a raging temp. And my skin hurt........ me thinks chest infection so I'm going to try to get an emergency appt at the doc. We can't take Nemo to me his new surgeon because he's too poorly to go into a hospital and it's a 3 + hour round journey for us.

Thank you all so much for your kind words :) that means so much to read them, you're all like my big woolly blanket :) . Seriously, thank you, the thought of anything but sleep is of no interest, DH is working, too.

Good job Nemo's off school as his 1-1 and her back up aren't in today so there would be no-one there for him today anyway! The Head called me at 8am. He called it a very unusual event.....

Joey - yo never think about the amount of damage that alcohol can do to your teeth do you when you see the toothpaste/dental ads on the tv, they always go on about fruit and coffee, fizzy drinks, yes red wine for staining but not always for the tooth enamel erosion.

I hope that the dentist has given you a good toothpastes to help reverse or protect the enamel that is left sweetie. xxx

Ma- how are things with you?

Purps - how are YOU? Where are YOU?

Bill - God I have done it soo many times and I am just beginning to get it. - YAYAYAY! Good for you! It's great to see those words like that being posted. xxx

Just popping in to say Mouse - you poor thing, hope you manage to get an appointment at the drs .. sending ((hugs)) to you and Nemo.

Hi all babes old and new

Thanks mouse I've thought of another link between alcohol and tooth decay - sometimes if I've stayed up late drinking, I don't bother cleaning my teeth before bed...

Honestly I was so ashamed when the dentist asked if I'd ever had an eating disorder - what would she have said if I'd told her truth was even worse ??? Actually I haven't vomited for over a year I think (since joining the Bus!) but damage already done.

Yes there are other factors - coffee & I like chocolate too; but let's face it, its mainly alcohol (and acid reflux caused by alcohol)

She gave me industrial strength mouthwash, but I can't afford to replace the tooth so will have a gap (it's the 4th one in, so not obvious as long as I don't smile... )

I hope you and nemo are taking it easy and just snuggling up today under the duvet

Mouse hope you and Nemo feel better soon.

Yes AA link a bit random - what's the agenda there?

There are dangerous people in all walks of life - I guess being addicted to alcohol in the first place leaves you pretty open to predators and abuse.....because you are too arseholed to figure out what's going on or protect yourself!

Whilst off my face I have been 'taken advantage of' more than once.....

Bars are full of predatory men every weekend.

Takes a big breath in

Hello to Jesse, Ladame, Bill, Pink, isinde, sharpkat, Pottering, rural, Annie, Aggis, Fuzzy, baby, Faire, Garden, OMG, Vimto, Newbie, Venus, LRD, tanya, alias, Ma, Soc, Mouse and Why

GASP! (and that is just the last few pages )

Mouse sending you and Nemo lots of get better vibes

Soc glad you posted and well done in the continued battle x

Meanwhile, here in Canada, I am clearing up two empty bottles that dh and I sank last night. Don't feel as bad as I should but we began with a definite 'just one bottle between us'. I just can't/won't stop once I start so it wasn't long before I opened the second. Leaving any in that one wasn't an option either. Hey ho, no real surprises there.

Wishing you all a good and safe day xxx

OMG there are other people who do it too

collegecandy.com/2009/04/16/alcoholic-bulimia-and-the-girls-who-pull-the-trigge/

It's so weird, the rationalisations that go through their minds are the same. The only difference is they are mostly young students, and they do it so they can carry on partying. Mine are more bound up with the actual alcohol.

The other difference is they are all so young. I'm way too old to STILL be doing that.

Jessie - we've had posters like that before, who post clips from internet sources, or from YouTube, not the best source of Alcohol support or recovery, and in the past posts like that have been very disturbing and also upsetting for many people who do go to AA, have gone for many years, or just a few weeks and have then started to doubt their reasons for going

All because of one poster and one link!

By no means am I saying that every word I post is going to be helpful, stop someone drinking, make them see their drinking for what it is etc, or will support anyone, nor am I saying that you can't seek help from the internet or other sources...............

BUT when we get posts with links including 'cults/rapes/courts forcing people to go to AA/etc......' it puts poster off from even trying AA. And that's no on.

I've never been to AA, I'm not saying I never will but I managed to pull myself together without AA. Just. And with a lot of support from my GP, who I saw on a weekly basis and who would really go into depth about my drinking each and every time, not just assuming that he knew what I would say.

Not every Babe is that lucky, but there's so much support out there and this bus is a great starting point, even if AA is not your thing. There are so many other avenues to try :) xxx

Joey - I doubt that your dentist would have been shocked if I'm honest, you'd have felt worse for sure but she wouldn't have judged you, not if she was professional. I'm so sorry that it's come to this, I really am. I wish that I could turn the clock back for you but maybe your story will help someone in your shoes, or thinking about stepping into them, to think twice? Try not to beat yourself up sweetheart, I know you're in shock xxx

Beaches - thank you so much. Docs full, seems everyone is ill and all they would do is recommend paracetamol and bedrest. (Ahahahahahahahahahha) according to the receptionist. She said if she get's a cancellation, she'll put me in and call. Fair enough. I have actually stopped wheezing now, last night was the worst.

Ah, the 'Two Bottle Share' - that is so familiar, that was always DH and I too. One was never enough, two was too many for me, so I'd struggle with the last glass and usually leave it for DH to finish and go to bed. You only had ONE bottle though, still that's one bottle to yourself.

Can you see a way of that changing at all? :) xxx

Good question Mouse and deserves a honest reply.... NO, I can't really see it changing. I want to miraculously transform into a social drinker who can enjoy a drink sometimes and not think about it at others BUT I have seen no evidence that that will ever be me. I think about wine a lot of the time, bargain and calculate but would always feel shortchanged if there was one bottle and two sharing. I would (of course) drink the half bottle but I would consider that a win, thus allowing a 'decent' drink the next night. A bit of an 'all or nothing' attitude. It is possible for me to have none, but requires quite a bit of working up to in my head. Knowledge and will-power don't always follow for me.

Wow, it is a relief to be honest, albeit annonymously but I already want to delete it because it might mean I shouldn't have another drink

Sorry to hear that the world and his wife are ill in your village but glad you think the worst might be over.

alias just a [[[[[hug]]]]]]]

It appears that I have just learnt how to insert a link! Probably couldn't do it again if I tried

I used to share a bottle with my dh - two glasses each. Then I started taking a bit more than my share, topping up my glass and even taking a slug out of his glass if he popped out of the room

Soon it became regular for me to have three glasses during the time it took him to drink one. And then I started getting two bottles 'just in case', knowing full well that actually I didn't want to share a bottle at all, I wanted a whole one to myself.

It sneaks up, drink. The amount, the frequency, the time of day.

I made the decision to do something about it before it became two bottles a day.

Dh has commented how empty the recycling boxes are these days

Well, I've done 5 weeks healthy eating (including a whole month completely off alcohol) and I feel so great. The weight is still coming off, slowly and I'm hoping to hit the half a stone mark by the time schools break up for half term

Faire I relate to all that, even the slugging of the wine while dh left the room It does sneak up on you and I also don't want to become 2 bottles a day.

Congratulations on feeling so good and losing some weight. If I remember rightly, you had intended not to drink until half term. How do you feel about that now? Do you think you will be different if you drink again? Maybe you are not projecting at all.

beaches snap my relationship with alcohol sounds just like yours.
I too want to transform into a social drinker and in my 14 days A/F which ended last night I was thinking about it every day. Some of the things said on the bus helped me get that far such as the amazing why saying no one regrets not drinking the night before in the morning, sooo true. At the end of the day though I still can't visualise a life without alcohol. If I am honest with myself although i would love to be a social drinker who could take it or leave it at the moment I don't crave a glass of wine my craving is to get hammered without any consequences.

Having got that off my chest I am straight back on the bus today,
Day 1 again.
I will not be drinking today.

rural yes, it is the getting hammered bit, or at least anesthetised that is the appeal really. Well done on the 14 days, that is a great achievement and good luck for tonight.

Yeah, well, not drink until during half term. That's the plan and at the moment I'm loving it. My strongest trigger is on my way home from work - always has been. Because I am tired and hungry and ready for some down time.

But I have learned that I just need to get through that difficult hour or two and I will be fine. Another thing I have learned is this - no matter how strong the craving, how hard the battle, once it is behind me, it's gone.

Think about when you stub your toe. It hurts like hell, has you hopping and swearing for a while but once the pain is gone, it's gone. You don't think about it any more.

I probably had a bad craving for alcohol three months ago at some point. Who knows? Who cares? It's so far behind me, it doesn't matter any more. My point is, ride it out. Once it's behind you, it can't hurt you any more.

Just do it for today, babes. Ride it out today

Sorry beaches I went off on a tandem there and realise I didn't actually answer your question.

I have been controlling my drinking for quite a while now and don't drink that much these days. On days when I decide to drink, and I like to keep to about once or twice a fortnight, I only need a couple of glasses of wine. Three would be a wild night out for me these days

But, I am so mindful of how I drink. I put lots of strategies in place to force myself to stop after one or two glasses. At first, I used to go right back to old habits. I worked on changing those habits by breaking up my activity. So, if I was at home I would stop, go and have a bath, change my clothes, go for a walk, that sort of thing. To mark an actual point where I say to myself, right, that's enough.

Does that many any sense?

Btw I find having nothing at all much easier.

Thanks Faire and yes it does make sense. Sounds like you have been working on it for a while and have reached a healthy mental place. I am not sure if I could make those strategies work for me - I would probably be in and out of the bath or up and down the road in 5 minutes flat just to get it done so I could carry on.

Having nothing IS definitely easier for me and you are right, although there is sometimes a considerable mental battle for the few danger hours, it does pass and there are no scars.

It is just so bloody tempting at times.

Have a good evening all of you xxxx

I think AA can be really very good. It's how you take to it. My experience was that I was shocked that so many people were in dire straits and it made me (initially) feel - hey, I'm ok! What was I worried about? I don't belong here!
But then you go more, you listen to more stories and you start to realise that the 'not yets' are starting to pile up. It does dawn on you.

When I went, I was with labourers, managers, directors and everyone in between from every nationality. Booze has no class distinction.

I learnt a lot from it. Still learning, evidently.

I love the bus. Still learning.

Mouse - hope you and Nemo are on the mend. And to everyone else, have a lovely weekend. x

Horrible day, just awful. Told by SS that they made a mistake and can't now facilitate visits with my son on Saturdays. So tomorrow is off. Case worker rang me later on after hours and also cancelled Mondays visit due to a public holiday. She rang as I was crying and told me to compose myself that she knew I was missing my baby- then she told me about the other cancelled visit. Its my sober Friday night and I'll fucking cry if I want.

And for some reason a poem I learned in school and haven't thought of in 15 years would not get out of my head. It was something like 'and now could I lie down like a tired child and weep away the life of care, that I have bourne and yet must bear, till death like sleep does creep on me and feeling my cheek grow cold...'

I don't know how to feel better and I can't go for medical help or it will impact my case.

I can honestly say, this is the worst I've ever felt.

Oh why sweetheart I'm so sorry. Complete bastards.

I know your heart must ache for your baby. All you can do is survive and stay sober until things get better ( and they will) You are doing this for him and need to dig very deep to find that inner strength and grit to get through. You will do it babe, keep on keeping on. Wish I could hug you right now and let your tears fall on me.

Keep posting let us help carry you through today x

Why So sorry and angry on your behalf. Stay on the bus today babe, talk to us about this and that, tell us a bit more about yourself (if you want to), you have been so so strong to get this far and I have nothing but the utmost admiration for you. Unimaginable fuckwittery and messing about with your feelings. Sending strength and love over to you x