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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

slightly sadistic Mnetters who *do* argue

52 replies

mydaddyisapriest · 26/06/2006 13:47

My DH has spoiled the weekend. He usually just spoils Sundays. I dont know why, maybe its the thought of going back to work on Monday or maybe its too much time together? We argued Saturday, I was tired after work and he was tired becuase he had been up quite early (for no reason in particular) He lost his temper and threw a couple of things. Not at me, just in temper.
Things culminated yesterday when he told me that our son ( who was staying at a friends) had phoned to say he was going to London with friend and parents. He said as he knew this he didn't see why he had to tell me. I was furious, of course i want to know where my children are, imagine my shock should there have been an accident.
We ended not speaking for the rest of the weekend. until last night he apologised for his actions regarding throwing things ( not regarding argument itself) He apologised for not telling me about son then added "next time i will know you want to know his every move" I just tutted at the adolescence of the comment as couldn't be bothered.
The argument centred around family time and activities at weekend. We never do anything except shopping in the nearest town. Then he is a baby if he doesn't actually buy anything. He tuts and eye rolls if i ask " can you mow the lawn?" " can you help with this or that" If Cups or Plates need washing or tidying up needs doing. everyone waits for me to say "please can you..."
Whilst at work Saturday i asked if he could put away clean clothes. He made the piles gave the children their pile each, threw his pile at the top of his cupboard and left my pile on the floor in the bedroom and said " i ran out of things to hang them on" which is rubbish there are lots of free hangers in my closet. Its not just the lazyness of this action and it being indicative of his whole tone, but the thoughlessness as he and the children wear a uniform all week. i do not, hence having things hung helps in the morning.
I needed to go to a bank in person ( in the nearest city over 20 miles away) to withdraw some money today. i couldnt put the money into another account as he has my card. i rang to tell him this and he turned off his phone. I have in the past told him that if he is with a client that it is only good manners to say "excuse me" and then ask " can i ring you back" or turn the phone off. But i think that seeing my name and dismissing me is upsetting.
i feel like i am an apendage, a weight, a drag. If i ask him to interact for more than 15 minutes either with the family or contribute to the running of the household then i get the deep sigh and the eye roll. This makes me feel unwanted and i think i am going to spend a week of being my DH. I am not coming home from work early to make the evening meal. I am not instructing on making things presentable. I am going to leave things.I would really appreciate it if you didn't give me meaningful advice! We are big talkers, but i am all talked out. I despise sulking. i prefer honest and open communication. but i am fed up. and i want to sulk. I am turning into dh for a week. at this moment in time, there is 2 cups, 2 coke cans, one side plate and various rubbish in front of computer at home. There are glasses on all side talbes in the living room along with plates. There is even a plate on the sofa that one of the children used. i am not asking them to move it. There is half a carton of milk left to go sour. The bin smells.
He will expect me to forget things and to carry on and make the most of the week. however i am afraid i would like to make his week bloody awful. There must be some mumsnetters who dont sit round a table and talk things through all the time.

If no responses, it has been good to talk!

OP posts:
doobydoo · 26/06/2006 13:51

Good Tactic imo..hope you are including the weekend as well!

dinosaure · 26/06/2006 13:51

mydaddy, sulk away. I think it's therapeutic sometimes. As is shouting, slamming doors etc.

Don't do what I did and knacker the telly remote by chucking it at the telly though. That just makes things worse.

Weekends can be a flashpoint, can't they?

How many children do you have?

mydaddyisapriest · 26/06/2006 13:53

I have 3

OP posts:
dinosaure · 26/06/2006 13:55

It all sounds very negative. Rant away on here if it helps.

Can you just arrange to do things at weekends without him? Pack the kids or some of them anyway into the car and just take off and leave him to tidy up or not as the case may be?

mydaddyisapriest · 26/06/2006 13:56

Thats pretty much what happens at the moment.

OP posts:
dinosaure · 26/06/2006 13:57

Sorry, I thought you said you never did anything except shopping in the nearest town.

HappyDaddy · 26/06/2006 13:58

Here's some meaningful advice. You're not an appendage, he is. A big dangly one at that.

Rhubarb · 26/06/2006 13:59

Nice choice of MN name. Have you been on MN before I wonder?

mydaddyisapriest · 26/06/2006 14:00

Sorry Dino, i meant all together.

Thanks Happydaddy. name calling is v. good therepy!

OP posts:
Marina · 26/06/2006 14:00

Think dino's suggestion of legging it and leaving him to it is a good one - also agree that childish though it is supposedly, a good sulk and some festering resentment are really therapeutic.
He sounds like a concentrated essence of what all too many men can sometimes be like at weekends, frankly. Couldn't help a snigger of recognition over the "baby if he doesn't buy anything himself" stuff too.
You have a jolly good vent, myhusbandisanarse

dinosaure · 26/06/2006 14:01

Agree that weekends can be very grim. It is grotesque to admit it, but they can.

mydaddyisapriest · 26/06/2006 14:03

thank you marina!

Its wonderful the comments so far, i really thought i was in for a verbal assault but counl not hold my feelings of murder within any longer!

OP posts:
DevilsAdvocado · 26/06/2006 14:04

When you remove your socks and knickers leave them where they are... leave wet towels on his side of the bed too. Good Luck girl!!

Marina · 26/06/2006 14:06

And don't forget to scatter the week's post, opened, in a random basis around the house

Rhubarb · 26/06/2006 14:07

sorry, hijack! (Marina! )

Marina · 26/06/2006 14:08

Whatever you do, don't ask the children about any unpredictable school requirements (so common at this time of year...ds: "I have to be dressed as a Native American for tomorrow's assembly mum"), don't check their school bags for homework or decomposing peperamis and don't wash any jumpers, tracksuits or teflon trousers until July 1st minimum

collision · 26/06/2006 14:11

No, leave the wet towel on his side of the bed which is what my DH does.

And dont flush the loo (kids do this-not DH!)

and just make yourself a drink

oooh we could make your DH's life hell at this rate!!

mydaddyisapriest · 26/06/2006 14:13

i have already just started making myself a drink.

OP posts:
mydaddyisapriest · 26/06/2006 14:13
Grin
OP posts:
Marina · 26/06/2006 14:14

Park your teabag in the sink for someone else to scoop up
(nb I wish to add a disclaimer - dh doesn't do too much of all this, poor love - I am using extensive field observations of male colleagues/friends/relatives, plus data collected on nights out with women friends)

warthog · 26/06/2006 14:15

sounds a right pita.
use his razor and leave your hairs in it.
mislay the car keys just before he goes out.
don't do his washing.
if he asks for help, roll your eyes and sigh
organise a night out with your friends every day this week.
when he phones you at home, end the call before answering.
enjoy

mydaddyisapriest · 26/06/2006 14:16

there is something from lasts nights meal which he cooked. which is stuck to bottom of the pan. i couldn't help but put water in to help losen it.

He cooks. That is his contribution. This i think is becuase he wants to eat. If he has eaten suddenly there is no rush to feed the children who haven't been fed since lunchtime at school.

OP posts:
frogs · 26/06/2006 14:17

Dino is right. But I have found that my disappearing acts are more effective if he is left with the children. And has to realise the hard way that - gosh packed lunches have to be made! And ooh -- if you don't start the weekend's laundry on Friday night it won't all be done on Monday. And blow me down, if you don't go shopping, there won't be any food in the house.

I've had several very emphatic arguments with dh over my need to (very occasionally) go on work-related assignments to far-flung parts of the country at short notice. He now knows better than to utter any response involving the words 'not very convenient' when I do have to go somewhere. Particularly bearing in mind that I earn considerably more than he does. And, amazing to relate, I can now walk out of the house at 6am to get an early train and he does actually manage to get everyone up, fed, dressed, and to school/nursery with the appropriate equipment. And if I'm late home, he can do the same in reverse of an evening as well. He won't generally have adult supper on the table when I do finally return, but I'm working on it.

mydaddyisapriest · 26/06/2006 14:20

Thanks Frogs,

He can do and does contribute effectivley. but i have to say " can you.. or will you..." It's not that he is incapable i just think he has relaxed into a 'wait until i am told' role.

Which makes me look like his mother, and believe me i dont want to look like his mother

OP posts:
moondog · 26/06/2006 14:22

Fuck him.He sounds like a petulant arse.

Grit your teeth and stick it out.
Will do him good.

(No i don't always thrash it out over a cup of organic tea and a lentil loaf either)

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