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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've left him

34 replies

frustratedashell · 26/09/2013 23:21

Things have been difficult since I moved in with my partner 4 weeks ago. I moved 160 miles to be with him. But he's still behaving like a single man. I've spoken to him about it many times. He just doesn't get it. I had one last try to talk to him tonight, went badly. So i told him I was leaving. I packed an overnight bag and am now at a travel lodge. Going back in the morning to pack my stuff and go back home tomorrow or Saturday. I haven't cried yet. Just feel angry. Can't sleep.
He's not going to change is he? We're both mid 50`s. I can't livetthe way he wants to. I've given up my whole life for him butIhe can't see that. I know i will get over it but I've got it wrong again!

OP posts:
ParsleyTheLioness · 26/09/2013 23:24

Don't give yourself a hard time. Give credit for recognising he doesn't intend to change his knobby single ways.

akaWisey · 26/09/2013 23:26

Oh that's shit, but I'm glad you walked so you've left him in no doubt you mean what you say. Don't look back.

Is he likely to try and talk you round? I think he might if he's a man-child, otherwise who's going to put up with him?

Original poster
frustratedashell · 26/09/2013 23:28

Thanks guys. I don't think he thought I would go through with it. He got a bit of a shock. Don't know if he will try to talk me out of it. But my mind is made up.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 26/09/2013 23:31

Do you have somewhere to go back to, OP? Did you give up your home to be with him?

Original poster
frustratedashell · 26/09/2013 23:33

I was in a rented room in a lovely house. I've text them tonight and I can go back. So I'm lucky there. But no job

OP posts:
ParsleyTheLioness · 26/09/2013 23:34

Chances are, in his 50's he is fairly set in his ways.... Will you be ok Frustrates?

Midwifeandmum · 26/09/2013 23:34

Good for u. Some poor women take years to leave an unhappy relationship whilst others never get the chance. Take your happiness first. It will take a bit of time before u see the benefit. We r all here for a shoulder to cry on hun xxx
Zoe

ParsleyTheLioness · 26/09/2013 23:35

Cross post.

Original poster
frustratedashell · 26/09/2013 23:41

Yes I will be okay. Thank you. I suffer with depression and am going through the menopause. But I am strong most of the time. Funny thing is he says he's given up loads for me! He can't name anything though when challenged on it! Lol

OP posts:
ParsleyTheLioness · 26/09/2013 23:47

Well, speaking as a menopausal old bag, my depression got a lot better when I got rid of XH lol...

Original poster
frustratedashell · 26/09/2013 23:50

Lol . Well let's hope I'm the same!

OP posts:
MariaLuna · 26/09/2013 23:54

Chances are, in his 50's he is fairly set in his ways....

Nah, it's not about the age, it's about the mind set. You can find people in their 20's like that.

I'm in my 50's and still energetic. Go out. Travel, etc.
Shit! My parents were driving around Spain in their 80's! way to go!

Give yourself a pat on the back you left after 4 weeks and not 4 years!...

Life is too short to waste it on fuck-overs.

Just move on...

Original poster
frustratedashell · 26/09/2013 23:55

Thanks Maria.

OP posts:
Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 27/09/2013 00:03

Yes, bad as it is now, it would be worse if you left it till later. At least you can get your place to live back. Maybe this will open new doors for you job wise. You're being very strong.

Original poster
frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 00:08

Thanks snazzy. I do feel strong at the moment but I don't think it's sunk in yet. I hope he's not there tomorrow when I pop back to pack my stuff. He should be at work.

OP posts:
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 27/09/2013 00:13

Well done, frustrated. Shame he turned out to be a loser.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 27/09/2013 00:15

I'm sorry. It's shit, even when it's the right thing to do :(

How long had you known him and how much time had you actually spent together before you moved up there?

Original poster
frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 00:17

Yes Ellen it is! He's so nice in other ways and we love each other so much. But we can't get past this problem. I know i have to move on. Start brain, I've done it before, so I can do it again. I've been through worse situations. At least I've hung on to my self esteem.

OP posts:
Original poster
frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 00:21

It was all very quick , Chipping. Was emailing and texting as friends for 3 years but didn't meet till this may. Saw him at weekends cos of the distance. But it felt so right! So yet again my bloody mother was right!! She said it was too soon. Oh well!

OP posts:
Original poster
frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 00:24

Going to try to sleep now. Goodnight all.
Be back tomorrow! Sorry not start brain, meant start again!

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 27/09/2013 00:29

Are you happy with your decision? If so... read no further :)

If not - a month isn't actually very long to start adjusting to living as part of a couple when you have lived alone for a while... it is a massive change probably harder for him to make as he's still in his own home etc.

What was he doing exactly that you feel is 'behaving like a single man'?

Original poster
frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 03:18

Yes I'm happy with my decision but read on anyway! Yes I realise a month isn't long but he doesn't think he's done anything wrong and his whole attitude is horrible. He wants to carry on in the same routine with no thought as to whether it's what I want too. He goes down the working mens club Saturday and Sunday. Sunday to watch football. I don't feel that I fit in down there, I have tried. Last time we went down there i was ignored by his friends. They have not really made me feel welcome.

OP posts:
TheOrcHeadKeeper · 27/09/2013 06:20

Going by your last post no wonder you've left. The idiot.

Hope you feel better soon Thanks

Original poster
frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 07:15

Had a very restless night, but I'm a bad sleeper at times . Going back to house in a while to pack. I do hope he's gone to work. Think I've got a man and a van sorted for later this afternoon. Thanks for your support ladies.

OP posts:
oldgrandmama · 27/09/2013 09:49

Good for you, OP. Wish I'd been as brave and decisive as you (long story). Did it eventually but took two years to get to the point ... NEVER looked back since, hurrah!