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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I've left him

34 replies

frustratedashell · 26/09/2013 23:21

Things have been difficult since I moved in with my partner 4 weeks ago. I moved 160 miles to be with him. But he's still behaving like a single man. I've spoken to him about it many times. He just doesn't get it. I had one last try to talk to him tonight, went badly. So i told him I was leaving. I packed an overnight bag and am now at a travel lodge. Going back in the morning to pack my stuff and go back home tomorrow or Saturday. I haven't cried yet. Just feel angry. Can't sleep.
He's not going to change is he? We're both mid 50`s. I can't livetthe way he wants to. I've given up my whole life for him butIhe can't see that. I know i will get over it but I've got it wrong again!

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frustratedashell · 28/09/2013 02:55

Weekend not week! I still love him but am not prepared to be treated like that. It's a shame cos in many other ways he was great.
Going to take stock and think about what I want to do next. May have a short break somewhere.
Haven't unpacked yet. Will spend the weekend doing that.
Have had a few hours sleep. Better than I've slept for a while. Thanks for the support ladies.

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frustratedashell · 28/09/2013 02:51

He came home from work around 10.00 . I was packing. He stayed home. We had words but then things calmed down. He still didn't understand why. He said he didn't think I would leave and was surprised by my decision. He cried when I left. We hugged goodbye and I left. He looked so upset. I said he should have appreciated what he had . We parted as friends.
To be fair perfect storm he didn't want to spend all week with the boys but expected me to tag along and be happy with his choice of where we would go etc.I

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betterthanever · 27/09/2013 23:01

You have done the right thing to trust your instincts it is the main resource we have and it is never wrong.

perfectstorm · 27/09/2013 23:01

It has to be the right decision if he thought his weekends could be spent almost wholly with the boys, when he has a DP! What century is he living in?!

Sorry for your heartbreak. I hope the job search is triumphantly successful.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 27/09/2013 22:54

Ah great, sloppy dog kisses, just what a girl needs at a time like this :)

Was he there when you went back for your stuff? Has he had much to say for himself?

I hope you sleep better tonight.

cjel · 27/09/2013 22:48

well done, so glad you were brave enough to do this. Hope you get job sorted soon.xx

ThePinkOcelot · 27/09/2013 22:40

Good for you girl! Good luck on the job hunt. Onwards and upwards!

frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 19:42

Hi all, I'm back home in Sussex. Had a lovely big wet kiss from the dog. Lol

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hellsbellsmelons · 27/09/2013 10:16

Don't listen to your mum.
Even as we get older, we have to make our own mistakes.
No point wondering. Sometimes we have to take the plunge and see how it goes as life is too short.
You took the plunge but got up and out pretty quickly.
Everything happens for a reason.

oldgrandmama · 27/09/2013 09:49

Good for you, OP. Wish I'd been as brave and decisive as you (long story). Did it eventually but took two years to get to the point ... NEVER looked back since, hurrah!

frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 07:15

Had a very restless night, but I'm a bad sleeper at times . Going back to house in a while to pack. I do hope he's gone to work. Think I've got a man and a van sorted for later this afternoon. Thanks for your support ladies.

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TheOrcHeadKeeper · 27/09/2013 06:20

Going by your last post no wonder you've left. The idiot.

Hope you feel better soon

frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 03:18

Yes I'm happy with my decision but read on anyway! Yes I realise a month isn't long but he doesn't think he's done anything wrong and his whole attitude is horrible. He wants to carry on in the same routine with no thought as to whether it's what I want too. He goes down the working mens club Saturday and Sunday. Sunday to watch football. I don't feel that I fit in down there, I have tried. Last time we went down there i was ignored by his friends. They have not really made me feel welcome.

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ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 27/09/2013 00:29

Are you happy with your decision? If so... read no further :)

If not - a month isn't actually very long to start adjusting to living as part of a couple when you have lived alone for a while... it is a massive change probably harder for him to make as he's still in his own home etc.

What was he doing exactly that you feel is 'behaving like a single man'?

frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 00:24

Going to try to sleep now. Goodnight all.
Be back tomorrow! Sorry not start brain, meant start again!

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frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 00:21

It was all very quick , Chipping. Was emailing and texting as friends for 3 years but didn't meet till this may. Saw him at weekends cos of the distance. But it felt so right! So yet again my bloody mother was right!! She said it was too soon. Oh well!

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frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 00:17

Yes Ellen it is! He's so nice in other ways and we love each other so much. But we can't get past this problem. I know i have to move on. Start brain, I've done it before, so I can do it again. I've been through worse situations. At least I've hung on to my self esteem.

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ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 27/09/2013 00:15

I'm sorry. It's shit, even when it's the right thing to do :(

How long had you known him and how much time had you actually spent together before you moved up there?

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 27/09/2013 00:13

Well done, frustrated. Shame he turned out to be a loser.

frustratedashell · 27/09/2013 00:08

Thanks snazzy. I do feel strong at the moment but I don't think it's sunk in yet. I hope he's not there tomorrow when I pop back to pack my stuff. He should be at work.

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Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 27/09/2013 00:03

Yes, bad as it is now, it would be worse if you left it till later. At least you can get your place to live back. Maybe this will open new doors for you job wise. You're being very strong.

frustratedashell · 26/09/2013 23:55

Thanks Maria.

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MariaLuna · 26/09/2013 23:54

Chances are, in his 50's he is fairly set in his ways....

Nah, it's not about the age, it's about the mind set. You can find people in their 20's like that.

I'm in my 50's and still energetic. Go out. Travel, etc.
Shit! My parents were driving around Spain in their 80's! way to go!

Give yourself a pat on the back you left after 4 weeks and not 4 years!...

Life is too short to waste it on fuck-overs.

Just move on...

frustratedashell · 26/09/2013 23:50

Lol . Well let's hope I'm the same!

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ParsleyTheLioness · 26/09/2013 23:47

Well, speaking as a menopausal old bag, my depression got a lot better when I got rid of XH lol...

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