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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anyone testified against their ex for sexual assault?

39 replies

ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 12:40

I would really like to hear from anyone who has had to be cross examined by a defence barrister in a rape/sexual assault trial. This happened to me last year and the trial is due to take place early next year.

I need to be careful I don't identify myself or him in case I prejudice the trial.
I had physical injuries - bruising - on head and body and the police say it's a strong case.

But I'm terrified of what his defence lawyer will bring up about my past.

We were together 4 years and he pleaded guilty to a previous violent assault in 2011.
I hope you are able to give me some idea of what I will have to go through in court. I'm prepared to be called a liar and our sex life to be picked over with a fine toothcomb.
But there are things from my past that I'm sure my ex will bring up. These are not logged anywhere with the doctor - it's just stuff I told him in good faith.

OP posts:
Lweji · 25/09/2013 12:42

Unless you lied previously about being raped and sexually assaulted, then I don't think anything should be a problem for this case.

ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 12:46

Hi Lweji thank you no it wasn't that. I told him things that I'd done when I was a single girl many many years before I met him, we're talking about 15 years ago.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/09/2013 13:46

Presumably you're a key witness for the prosecution. Your lawyer should be going through the likely questions with you. Be totally honest with your lawyer about all these things from your past and they should be able to advise you how to respond if they are brought up in court. If it's things you've only told him rather than anything that has been documented or witnessed by others then it'll probably get dismissed as hearsay... his word (a violent criminal) against yours.

ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 14:50

Hi cogito, as the key witness for the prosecution, I have no lawyer. My status is simply a witness. The prosecution are not allowed to talk to the key witness and discuss the questions in court. The first time I speak to the prosecutor will be on the day shortly before I give evidence.

The defendant meets with his barrister regularly, he can view my statements and all evidence and make his case.

As a witness I am not allowed to see anything, or discuss the case with my best friend who will also be a witness.

Therefore, I go into the courtroom blind - all I know is his defence is that the sex was consensual and it was him who ended it, not me. Both of which are complete lies.

His defence have access to my medical and counselling files and no doubt will pull out anything from there that might discredit my evidence. This is why so many victims pull out of the judicial system - but I won't be one of them.

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JoNesbo · 25/09/2013 15:23

I have...will take me a while to think about what to say that might help you. Bear with me.

ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 15:27

I'd be very grateful for your advice JoNesbo. Thank you.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/09/2013 15:31

My mistake, sorry. I thought you'd have access to a lawyer. Do you have a police contact? Liaison officer? The main advantage you have here is that a) you know the truth and can put it across convincingly and b) you have physical evidence of the injuries which is often missing from these cases e.g. when reported late. If they do bring up something from your past that is medical/psychological/sexual then I would preface any acknowledgement. 'This has no bearing on my being attacked on ... yes I received counselling'.

Fozziebearmum2be · 25/09/2013 15:34

I don't have any advice to offer I'm afraid but wanted to wish you all the best.

We need brave people like you. Thanks

Twinklestein · 25/09/2013 15:50

First of all, power to you for having the courage to testify.

I've been through a trial but it wasn't a partner/ex.

My experience was before the rules around use of sexual history were tightened in 2006. I have been assured recently by a sex offence defence barrister that things are different now, but I don't know.

The defence barrister is supposed to have written permission to include your sexual history. Your sexual history with your ex will be directly relevant so I imagine that's unavoidable, but you may be lucky & sexual history outwith the relationship may not be considered relevant. It will be down to the judge's discretion.

The fact that you had physical injuries is, although horrible for you - a major plus.

Have you got a victim support person? Have you been in touch with Rape Crisis?

JoNesbo · 25/09/2013 15:51

It took 9 months to get to court, and I spent the majority of those months trying to remove the details from my mind. The difficulty with this is that, barring a very brief read of your statement prior to going into the witness box, you are then expected to answer questions about an incident you gave tried your hardest to forget.
All you can do is answer questions honestly and if you cannot remember then be honest about that too.
It's hard to keep believing that you are the victim, but I think that this is the most important thing - never allow anyone to make you feel responsible, not even a barrister. There is only ever one person to hold responsibility and that is the offender.
In my experience the time I spent in the witness box is now just a vague blur (16 years down the line) and it is the complex fallout that has become the longer term issue.
Take any counselling help you can get and be strengthened by the knowledge that agreeing to be a witness in such traumatic circumstances helps reconstruct a more robust & sympathetic for future victims of sexual assault.
Bit rambling sorry, hard to type and even harder to talk about x

JoNesbo · 25/09/2013 15:54

Excuse the typos - can't get to grips with new phone

ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 16:01

My mistake, sorry. I thought you'd have access to a lawyer. Do you have a police contact? Liaison officer? The main advantage you have here is that a) you know the truth and can put it across convincingly and b) you have physical evidence of the injuries which is often missing from these cases e.g. when reported late. If they do bring up something from your past that is medical/psychological/sexual then I would preface any acknowledgement. 'This has no bearing on my being attacked on ... yes I received counselling'.

Hi cogito yes I have a SOIT officer and she is great - in fact all the police from the sapphire unit have been brilliant - they believed me completely from the very start and never made me feel responsible for what happened. I think the fact they deal solely in sex crime and DV makes them more knowledgable about abusive relationships and how potently addictive they are. I like that line "This has no bearing on my being attacked.." Will definitely remember to use that one! Thanks!

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ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 16:02

Fozzie, don't know about brave, but I am stubborn! lol

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ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 16:03

Twinklestein I am having CBT for PTSD - I was having the treatment before the attack and have continued it - which has helped.

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ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 16:08

JoNesbo, the trial was due to take place in the summer. I went on the designated day to give evidence and the barrister introduced himself and basically said "speak slowly, be honest and take your time." That's all the barrister is allowed to say.

The case was adjourned on a technicality. Since then I have done as you have done and tried to put it out of my mind and concentrate on other things.

I would have gone mad if I'd continued to let it dominate my thoughts and decided to give myself a break from it all.

I don't think I will have problems with memory as the CBT meant that I was constantly thinking about it - so there's good and bad there. In fact the most pertinent points of the attack are totally clear in my memory. There is no defence lawyer who can say to me "I put it to you that you're mistaken..."

There is no way I am mistaken about any of what he did.

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JoNesbo · 25/09/2013 16:11

Twinklestein makes a good point about the improvements over the last decade or so. Criminal justice related professionals get much better training now & attitudes are far improved.
Despite the difficulties, if I had my time over I wouldn't hesitate to be a witness - the alternative means accepting fault and minimising sexual assault.

ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 16:27

Yes sexual history of the complainant has been tightened up - so the fact a woman was wearing a mini skirt has no bearing whatsoever. I remember those days!

But I gather, defence lawyers do sneak stuff into the evidence because the double standard still applies sadly.

Stranger rape is easier to prove it seems there's higher conviction rates for this. While partner/ex partner rape is the most common form of rape and conviction rates very low. I've no doubt the injuries I suffered will be described as "caused by consensual rough sex."

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/09/2013 17:03

Don't be frightened to throw back offensive suggestions. That last one, for example. Rather than the plain 'no' you can say you find the idea insulting... then say 'no'. I am incredibly impressed with you for taking this horrible man to court. With a previous conviction for violent assault and your physical evidence he is on very shaky ground and his defence team will know that. If you tell the truth and stay calm I think the jury will be right behind you.

ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 17:20

Thank you Cogito. I am taking this man to court because I really had no choice. I had been stalked and spied on by him. And he refused to leave my home before that last attack.

I have requested screens in court but am hoping I will be strong enough on the day not to require them.

The reason for this is I want to sit and watch him lie giving his testimony. I know he will struggle to keep up his act if he knows I'm sitting in the public gallery listening to his lies.

But I've been advised that if I have a screen, the court won't look kindly on me sitting in the public gallery staring at him.

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YoniMatopoeia · 25/09/2013 17:31

Chelsea. I have no experience to help you with. I just want you to know you have my admiration. Good luck :)

summerbreezer · 25/09/2013 17:36

I am a defence barrister. I do a lot of sex cases.

I can assure you that the laws regarding sexual history of a witness are extremely tight. The defence will not be able to bring it in without applying to the judge and only in very limited circumstances.

My colleagues and I would never dream of 'slipping something in" along those lines.

OP, I think you are wise to be circumspect about the details you
put in here. If you would like to PM me any questions, I would be more than happy to help.

Twinklestein · 25/09/2013 19:41

You & your colleagues may not, but judges still do allow use of sexual history in dubious circumstances. A good example was the recent case of the 13 year old, dubbed a sexual 'predator' by the prosecution:

'The girl is predatory in all her actions and she is sexually experienced.'

And the judge agreed:

'On these facts, the girl was predatory and was egging you on.'

Sexual history is supposed to be 'relevant' to be admissible, but that is down to interpretation. I do not see that a 13 year olds sexual history is 'relevant' to an incidence of abuse by a 41 year old man, and most certainly not the way it was used in that trial.

The rules were tightened in 2006 because the legislation introduced in 2000 was being 'ignored or avoided'.

But that's by the by...

As regards the OP's question, if my case is at all representative, two things you need to be prepared for:

  1. You're expecting to be accused of lying. Although I was prepared for it, I found that actually by far the most distressing aspect of the trial. I was prepared for the gruesome physical details, but I'd been over those with the police. It wasn't until I was in the witness box that I was directly accused of lying. And I got quite worked up.

What helped me was to remember that consent is the standard defence for rape, it's a legal tool rather than a moral judgement on you, & it doesn't mean that people in the court genuinely think you're a liar.

  1. The defence barrister will go over the details of the events in question with a fine tooth comb looking for inconsistencies, memory lapses, confusion, in order to cast doubt on the reliability of your testimony. It's very easy to be wrong-footed when you're stressed, because you don't necessarily say everything in sequence.

It helped me to write everything down so that I had it in my head in the witness box.

It also helped enormously to have someone you can go to at the end of each day of the trial & say X is what happened, Y did not. That kept me sane.

summerbreezer · 25/09/2013 20:31

The incident you relate was a sentencing exercise, not a trial. I don't want to get into the ins and outs of it. But it is a very very different situation to the OP's trial.

I repeat - sexual history is NOT used in 'dubious circumstances' in a trial. It will be used only if it is directly relevant to the case, and even then should be handled sensitively.

The other points you make are fair.

ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 20:56

thank you summerbreezer, I might just take you up on that.

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ChelseaBun · 25/09/2013 21:00

Twinklestein I totally understand that being called a liar would really get to you. I feel the same. For four years I was called a compulsive liar by my abusive obsessed ex. So when I first reported to police I expected them to be cynical about my claim - but they believed me. And then when I told certain people about what was going on, I couldn't believe it - they believed me!

I had been so conditioned by this man that my confidence was shot. As time has gone on my confidence has grown and my faith in people improved.

So when I'm called a liar in court, it will be like being back in his company again.

All I can do is keep in mind that it is not the barrister calling me a liar, it is him and his instruction to the barrister. And I survived him calling me a liar (and worse!) and I'll survive this too!

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