how evil am I ?

[queenbitchapparently]

Dp is at uni at the mo.
He has two children from his marriage and is going through messy custody rows with his ex.
He was supposed to have them last night.
He tried to reorganise it with ex on MONDAY night.
She (as she is want to do) was completely unhelpful refused to re arrange the contact for another time (I don't know why he though she would agree to it)
He went anyway and missed seeing his kids.
I was miffed about it.
He was talking about it and stressing and I said he shouldn't have gone to the uni thing.
He said that he had to show commitment to thw course like the others.
I said that his situation was different he had court ordered contact to keep up before the next hearing and he should not be missing seeing his kids for anything and that his family should always be his number one priority.
According to him this means that I am not supporting him, don't care about anything but my opinion, don't care about hurting his feelings, criticising him and generally being mean and unhelpful.
Maybe I missed judged the sutuation or perhaps i should have left the maybe next time conversation, till he wasn't so raw about it.
He is a grown up though and choose to meet his new learning mentor than see his children.
I saw this as a bad decision.
I try not to get involved in things to do with his ex as it generally leads to un happiness.
I do have very strong feelings on parents letting children down re contact though, particularly when his ex can use it against him, no matter how important he thinks the reason is.
So am I evil?.

I have tended to find IME court is what you make of it. I saw my solicitor as an advisor and sometimes pushed issues that were important against their strict advice because my children's needs were more important to me than what the solicitor thought would be the best thing to say (safest).

No-one can "prove" any abuse unless it has been criminal and also successfully prosecuted but family proceedings are civil and are more about finding a balance of evidence.

I suspect the way the court things are going is more down to your dp's passivity in regard to his children than the court being biased against him. He needs to really fight to assert the children's needs. If he isn't then it is unsurprising that he isn't getting anywhere.

I risked being held in contempt at one point against all advice because xp was claiming our daughter wasnt his and he only wanted access to our son. I insisted that he could not take one without the other - can you imagine how damaged dd would have been if I had gone with the advice to just let him take ds?

In the end they made special consideration to add dd to the case (he only applied for access to ds) and did a DNA on dd that proved he was her father but only because I risked being held in contempt.

Bearing in mind that there were dv provisions (for unprovable abuse) in place during the case and we were in separate rooms because of it and I was utterly terrified of xp and at that point had just given birth to dd who was a rape baby (court date scheduled on her due date) and was terrified of going out because his friends would abuse me and ds in the street... Seriously his passivity is not just down to the effects of abuse... I really really doubt that...

No it isn't he was a people pleaser before he met his wife. Probably why she picked him. She is ten yrs older than him and they met when he was 19.
They married when he was 21.

Thanks for all your posts, Much appreciated.

Good luck, not a bitch! Hope things are looking better tonight.

I really like the way OP.
Puts all her sentences upon the one line.
It makes you wonder if op speaks the same way.
Almost disjointed and not connected.
However I don't think op is the evil one here.
Neither is op's hubby.
Nor the ex wife.
But I do think.
Circumstances could have been handled better.
Maybe with more thought beforehand.
And better planning.
And maybe while dp is at uni, he could find someone.
Who could show op how to construct paragraphs.
Who knows?
It's almost like an inaccurate Haiku.

She doesn't break sentences in half.

I much prefer people who put sentences in different paragraphs and don't write twattish posts than people who don't use paragraphs at all.

Care to comment on my habit of separating most sentences with a blank line? (so that they are easier to read?)

We are not writing books here. We are fast typing and fast reading. Anything that can help it make it faster is a good thing.

It's late.
Have
some

and
go
to
bed.

Or a and do something useful

I dont think anyone here is evil but I do get the impression he's a 'pleaser' caught between two women both fighting for 'their' rights, and he ducks fighting for his until too late in the day.

I am dyslexic, I do my best to create post that people can read.
my apologies if in doing that you found it to hard to understand what I was saying.
it must have been a traumatic experience for you, particularly since you felt the need to comment on it.
my thanks to all others who read it and struggled through regardless and didn't feel the need to try and belittle me or make me feel bad.