Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I wish I could die

150 replies

notsostrong1985 · 19/09/2013 22:12

I am sorry if my post offends anyone but I can't deal with my life anymore. I wish I could die.

I am a complete fuck up. I am a horrible nasty piece of shit and not worth the air I breath. If I didn't have my two children I would have killed myself by now. I wish I could die, I wish I was never born. I am a skinny rat, with nothing to offer and a whole fucked up personality. I have so many issues that I am trying to work through and these issues have completely fucked my life up. I am a control freak and a waste of space. My partner has left me for these reasons after 11 years of being together because I make his life hell. I struggle to deal with things that happened to me as a child and am currently having cognitive behaviour therapy which I thought would help but it has just made things worse as it has brought my past back up to the front of my mind and he can't deal with my moods as they make him mad. I have had to ring my manager at work today to tell him that I won't be coming back as my DP looked after the children and now he is gone and there is no one else. I am distort and a mess. My poor children, I have made their farther leave and he has said he is not coming back. I have messed everything up and there is no way back. I just wish I wasn't the person I am, I wish I could crawl under a stone and die

OP posts:
JuliaScurr · 21/09/2013 13:38

www.southallblacksisters.org.uk/services/

hope they are the appropriate group for you; they offer useful services

make sure you get legal advice on money/housing/benefits/employment

Unlikelyamazonian · 21/09/2013 21:38

Hoping you're ok notso. What have you had for supper? I had three suppers/teas as am a greedy fat pig. Hugs.

Original poster
notsostrong1985 · 21/09/2013 22:00

Yeah, I'm ok tonight. Not had any supper as can't be bothered and too tierd. Just got into bed but messing about on my phone. I'm sure you are not a greedy fat pig. Feeling more positive and looking forward to a new day tomorrow. Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
notsostrong1985 · 21/09/2013 22:01

This site really is amazing and the support is unbelievable

OP posts:
Original poster
notsostrong1985 · 21/09/2013 22:03

Agnesboo- thank you for your pm

OP posts:
Jux · 21/09/2013 23:13

Notso, get some bananas in. They're easy to eat when you're knackered or too unwell or too fed up to bother cooking, but they're nutritious and filling. Mix them with a bit of natural yoghurt, or ice cream for extra oomph.

It is important that you try to eat as it helps keep your mood up, and it's hard to sleep with your stomach empty. Please do look after yourself. We are all thinking of you.

Sleep well.

MacNCheese · 21/09/2013 23:22

Hiya, i'm glad to hear you feeling a little stronger today.
why don't you look into an NHS course. Nursing, midwifery, physiotherapy there are loads. They pay for child care. Maybe having something to look forward to next September could start you on a path towards a new life. Hugs x

Unlikelyamazonian · 21/09/2013 23:29

Ta for replying. Well done. Not surprised you're tired. What are you doing tomorrow? My son's got cancer so we're off to hospital for a couple of days. Bit of respite for me actually as I can sneak out for a hundred fag and go to the local charity shop while he's having his op!

bananas a very good idea by the way. Even better if yiou slit em open, chuck sugar on and bung them in microwave for 1 min of cover in foil anhd stick in hot oven for five mins. Then open them, drizzle with honey, and peanut butter.

captainmummy · 22/09/2013 12:22

Amazonian - good luck for your ds!

marriedinwhiteisback · 22/09/2013 13:38

Helllo lovely, hope today's a better day and that you are out and about with the girls.

Jux · 22/09/2013 15:59

Good luck, UA, and little UA. How's he doing?

Original poster
notsostrong1985 · 22/09/2013 21:29

UA- very sorry to hear about your DS. Hope the OP went well today. Hope you are ok too?
Jux- thanks for suggestion re bananas, great idea
JS- thanks for advice and link
MNC- I would love to work in NHS and tbh have thought about nursing in the past as I enjoy caring for people so will defiantly give this some thought. Something to focus on.
MIWIB- :) I took my DC birthday shopping today as its my DD1 bday next weekend, she is going to be 4.

OP posts:
marriedinwhiteisback · 22/09/2013 21:38

Good - something to look forward to :). Sleep tight.

LondonNinja · 22/09/2013 21:43

Glad you're feeling a bit better.

Do eat and drink - chocolate and popcorn are allowed, too Wink. Bananas are better, though!

Hope shopping was good today - you're a great mum. Hope you have a better week.

LondonNinja · 22/09/2013 21:44

And good luck, UA. Thanks

Original poster
notsostrong1985 · 22/09/2013 22:08

Thank you LN- it was good and had a walk around Pets At Home as my DC love animals and fish, they enjoyed themselves. Looking forward to a new week. X

OP posts:
LondonNinja · 22/09/2013 22:16

Good for you, Strong (can't call you Not... it's inaccurate!).

My DD is around the same age as yours. Have you decided on her gift yet?

Jux · 22/09/2013 22:40

You are being fantastic, Strong. LondonNinja is quite right, there's no room for 'notso' in you.

Hope you sleep OK.

Original poster
notsostrong1985 · 22/09/2013 22:55

Yes I got her a few gifts. A big toy monkey ( also one for the youngest so she didn't feel left out) a doll, fishing board game, leap frog scribble & write and an acoustic guitar. Also a big lightning McQueen birthday cake. I'm getting both a lovely dress each from monsoon next week and might treat myself to something too.

OP posts:
Original poster
notsostrong1985 · 22/09/2013 22:57

Thanks Jux, will change my username when I feel strong enough again

OP posts:
Original poster
notsostrong1985 · 22/09/2013 23:04

Might be a bit young for the guitar but she loves instruments and its an interest that will hopefully grow with her

OP posts:
LondonNinja · 22/09/2013 23:27

The gifts sound lovely. Definitely get yourself something, too.

Goodnight, Strong. Sleep well. Listen to Jux and me - we will call you Strong from here on in!

SimLondon · 22/09/2013 23:29

Keep posting notsostrong1985 - there is amazing support available for you here on mumsnet :-)

Original poster
notsostrong1985 · 22/09/2013 23:46

Thanks SimLondon, I will. The kindness on here is unbelievable, it's something I've never experienced before. It restores my faith in people.

OP posts:
notsostrong1985 · 23/09/2013 03:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.