The Difficulty of Saying NO

[LoisPuddingLane]

I'm doing my best, but may need some back up here.

In brief: this young refugee befriended me on FB. He was a virgin - now isn't, because we met up. I'm easily swayed by young men, it's a bit of a weakness.

Anyway, right after we'd been together it became clear that we weren't sexually compatible. To put it indelicately, he was not prepared to go down on me and wanted anal. So I just broke it off very quickly.

Now he's messaging me again, wanting to meet. Clearly just wants sex and even though he's just told me that since seeing me he's been with several prostitutes and it wasn't as good, I'm still struggling with that no word.

I've said it. And I mean it. But why does it feel so difficult? All right, I'm a sex starved old biddy, that's probably part of it. I keep telling myself I am worth SO much more than this. I want a proper relationship with a decent, good, grown up man.

Yet I keep remembering how he tasted and felt. I am my own worst enemy at times.

Help me keep saying no, before I make more huge massive stupid mistakes.

Several prostitutes?? Yuck!

That tells you all you need to know imo

I know. I KNOW. It's like there is this completely rational side of me going WHAT THE FUCK? And the other bit of me going...oh, nice tender young flesh.

1. He is a punter, holy crap what the hell bloke.
2. He doesn't want to give you what you want.

He sounds like a crap shag who has watched too much porn (or had sex with too many prostitutes).

He thinks you're the slightly better choice after sleeping with several prostitutes. How charming, how can you say no to that!

Definitely with you on the porn. I could tell immediately from how he - ahem - made love.

I just mentioned the oral sex thing. He said

after u once i tried to do that, and u know how much i vomit, and i became sick for more than a week

Presumably that was with one of the prostitutes.

I'm finding it less hard to say no, now.

It's a bizarre conversation to be having with someone.

Wait, he uses text speak?

That's IT. You cannot sleep with this man again.

The bit I'm struggling with is why you think he was a virgin. It's a bit of a leap from virgin to meeting nice woman to shagging prostitutes - he's not really striking me as inexperienced, however crap.

He's 24, most people that age use textspeak, I think. Most people that age don't go to prostitutes though, as far as I'm aware.

Oh he vomits if he is gets near a fanjo but wants anal sex...how can you say no to that!!

he's not really striking me as inexperienced, however crap.

He could have been completely lying I suppose. But he did seem very inexperienced. Shit, maybe I need to get myself checked over.

Lois, I would have an STI check if I were you. A 24 year old virgin? Not impossible, but not that likely. Do you really think he only got the idea of going to prostitutes after having sex with you?

I'm 26, no excuse! I think you do need a check, just to be on the safe side. I would be surprised if he had been a virgin at the age of 24.

Sorry, x post

he vomits if he is gets near a fanjo but wants anal sex

I know. Thanks. This is all helping. I know I must seem like an idiot but I rarely get anyone interested in me. It can be quite compelling. Well until you find out things like the vomiting, the prostitutes, the arse obsession.

Yes have an STI check.
He sounds like the worst shag ever.
Seriously, he was sick for a week after he gave oral to a woman?

You need to find yourself a nice grown-up man and so does he.

Dear God, there is a reason that he is a virgin at 24!
He is inexperienced.
He is selfish.
He is unrealistic (anal).
He is either a bullshitter or really does not like women (use of prostitutes)
He is skanky.
A compliment from him is that shagging you was better than a prostitute.
He uses text speak, I'm 20 and neither me or my friends use it.

I'd use a chilled carrot over him any day.

I wasn't surprised he was a virgin as I've met a few of that age. And he comes from somewhere very bound by religion so there would not have been a lot of chance for sex.

I think I'd prefer a warm carrot over chilled.

Just say no 'NO!' just say no.

Hope this helps.

I think you already know the answer.

I also think you need to get checked out, I'm sorry.

it doesn't sound like he is using you for sex - more like after your money.

Christ Almighty, can't you warm your vibrator on the radiator or summat ?

Nobody is this desperate for scabby cock, surely

I haven't really got money so he'd be barking up the wrong tree there.

He still maintains that I was his first. After I said "no fuck off" or words to that effect, he went to a prostitute the day after.

I feel kind of sick, and a bit grubby.

Anyway, I've properly said no. Yuk.

At least nobody has to say LTB.

Nobody is this desperate for scabby cock, surely

It isn't so much cock-desperation as the feeling of another body. I don't have physical contact with anyone and I really feel the lack of it. However, even I'm not THAT desperate.