My current boyfriend is a self-confessed plodder about these things.
We've had a brief and very vague, almost alluded to, conversation on these topics, so that's enough for me to know me doesn't consider me wife or living together material, so I have my answer already.
I'm a plodder too with the big things in life, but if I wanted to marry someone I wouldn't plod about.
Pachacuti a few posts in from the start of this with their ready-reckoner seems a sensible template for your position. If you are ready practically, emotionally, romantically, legally, what's the point of waiting? If a man had told me he'd marry me 'one day' or 'when he was ready' but I was still waiting after a couple of years, I'd assume he didn't really mean it. As you want children with him, you needed to be proactive.
I have had three long term relationships and moved in with them relatively quickly.
First one age 23 but he was younger and about to leave home, so we decided to find a place together despite only having been dating about a year.
Second one I was age 26, again, he was younger and leaving home so we found a place together after about six months.
Third one, um, met on the Internet and he came and took me away literally, and I moved into his house the same day. )Don't even ask. That was the worst time of my life). Although he ended up just flitting between his house and mine whenever he felt like it so it was never officially 'living together'.
With all of them, we never had 'the talk' and consciously chose to take things a step further and live together, each time it was circumstantial. Which looking back was probably not the sensible way.
Now I have been dating someone about a year and half, but things are different this time as I have young children.
We don't live together and as he's previously lived with someone for 15 years I feel like because he's done that already, he probably wouldn't want to again. He has a cosy typical, bachelor lifestyle now that he never had opportunity for before. I'm happy for him that he has that, he works hard and deserves it. I'd feel guilty about suggesting a riotous family house with young kids is preferential to a comfy flat with all gadgets and freedom.
He's the first boyfriend that I've ever felt I wanted to marry. It's an intensely strong feeling, the same intensity I had when I met the chidren's father and knew within seconds I was going to have children with him. Almost like a premonition. I feel like asking him but there's so many variables pla?ing against the idea it puts me off. Not least my opening statement.
1)I don't have a job at present and I would need one first to help financially support us all.
2)Then we'd have to both move house with the cost and emotional extrication that incurs (him from his bachelor pad and myself and children from a small but familiar home).
3)Also, my young children are in habit of calling him Daddy lately (their father is totally absent) and I believe they deserve stability, so I think I wouldn't live with someone again unless I'm married first. I don't like the idea of 'try before you buy' co-habiting now I'm older. I feel mature enough to make a lifelong commitment.
4)I've never been proposed to before, not even drunkenly/jokingly, so I've always assumed I'm just not considered wife material, and if I proposed to someone, I'd always be unsure if they said yes just because I'd asked, not because they wanted to :/
5)I don't know what I'd do if I was rejected. I might feel so devastated I'd end the relationship completely.
6)The legal implications are plenty and worth intense consideration.
7)The idea of a big white wedding scares me. I'm a close family only service and over the pub for reception type. That might clash with his ideal.
Summarily, if he's already said he'll get married but with the proviso of when he's good and ready, never mind nudging him along, just have a very direct conversation and tell him your worries, many expressed here regarding timescale of factoring in childbearing years remaining and so on. If there's nothing stopping either of you, what's stopping you?