I'll try to make this brief... DH hasn't opened any post (bar birthday cards) for almost five months. He has also not taken any action to recover approx £20k that he is owed.
Three months ago DH went to the doctor re depression, took antidepressants for about six weeks and then - DH reports - stopped with the agreement of the doctor. I think he's struggling, though he's still in full time work and seems, to the best of my knowledge, to be doing fine there.
We have a joint account, but DH has accounts and investments that he's kept wholly separate.
Having seen quite a lot of letters from the revenue and from DH's bank over the last few weeks, I opened two items of post today. DH is over his overdraft limit, and being charged penalties. He also owes the revenue a four figure sum for late filing of his tax return (he has an accountant, so DH's involvement is not as onerous as it might be).
I am at a loss as to what to do. I've asked DH if I could talk to his parents or a good friend, in just knowing the situation and maybe helping out. DH told me that he'd leave me if I involved my PILs.
I've also been hugely involved with some problems. Eg the £20k legal action would have probably increased to multiples of that had I not spent huge amounts of time (c. 160 hours) sorting out related problems earlier this year. But I can't continue to fix DH's problems for him. He needs to take some responsibility for doing things, or for asking for the help he needs.
I'm here now because I feel really worried about where things are. The post I opened (without his permission, I'm afraid), has frightened me and I'm worried about other problems that I may be unaware of.
Any advice would be so gratefully received. I just feel so stuck as whenever I try to talk to DH about this, he becomes defensive and angry. Thank you