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Original poster

Why does DH get stalked?

113 replies

Trunktops · 04/09/2013 19:53

Dh handed me his phone last week and I saw a text from a woman saying 'now you are married and a family man can you please stop ignoring me? How can I be a threat now?' He told the backstory turns out he had a stalker a few years ago who he had to call the police on and get a restraining order. We have just had some family pics go up on facebook and they have mutual friends so she probably saw the news via that.

There have been many women since I met DH who have behaved in stalkery ways towards him. Once we both received a letter from a friend of his saying that she and DH were soulmates and that our decision to marry each other was upsetting the "natural order of things" and did he not remember the way he looked at her this time/that time?

Another ex-shag turned up at our door crying because she had split from a boyfriend and wanted to stay over. Neither of us let her and she became angry and sent lots of horrible texts to DH and FB messages to me saying I was controlling him and had brainwashed him into ruining their friendship.

Another ex-shag, when DH and I were engaged became preoccupied with wanting to be my stylist for the wedding, sending me weekly emails of places I should shop for bridal gowns and wanting to be my best friend. We both told her, politely, we weren;t interested but she sent us an engagement gift, a wedding gift and even moved into a house down the road.

Another woman eerily befriended me in a cafe where we lived one day and she and I went out for a few drinks. When I eventually told DH about my new friend he told me it was a girl he was seeing in 2006 who had become obsessed with him and he had to tell her to strongly back off.

Obviously I think DH is the best man ever, otherwise I wouldn't have married him, so I'm not questioning why women like him, but this much?! Surely this is something about DH as a person?

What makes someone a stalker and what qualities make someone the type to be stalked?

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 04/09/2013 20:27

oh it happens all the time trunktops - us lowly women just can't believe our luck when we bag ourselves a rich man, we are bound to get a bit obsessive when someone so much better than us deigns to pay us some attention. Does he drive a nice car? Only i do like a nice car.

QuintessentialOldDear · 04/09/2013 20:28

He must be getting some sort of emotional benefit from all the drama. Leave him. I could not be with a man who kept leading people on to this extent.

LEMisdisappointed · 04/09/2013 20:28

oi expat - who you calling a low life! Wink

Personally i just think that this guy has fucked his way throught lots of women so by the law of averages, you are going to pick up a few stalkers along the way!

expatinscotland · 04/09/2013 20:31

'Personally i just think that this guy has fucked his way throught lots of women so by the law of averages, you are going to pick up a few stalkers along the way!'

Snap, LEM :o.

And what Quint said.

I had a few who had groupies/stalkers (ALL ex-shags, never some random) in my time, who were always very open about it - 'Just being honest, of course,' 'Keeping you in the loop,' etc. - and there was always something not entirely trustworthy about any of them.

And some of them were actually even sparks, joiners and construction workers, too! Shock.

Jewelledkaleidoscope · 04/09/2013 20:33

I would think he's probably not treated them very well, in all honesty

WafflyVersatile · 04/09/2013 20:33

I have a friend who went out with a string of possessive, jealous men. I came to the conclusion that there was an element of this sort of behaviour that was attractive to her (in the beginning at least) for reasons that I won't go into here.

Maybe there is something that your husband finds attractive that often has stalkerish behaviour as a flip side to it?

HerdyHerdwick · 04/09/2013 20:34

'Personally i just think that this guy has fucked his way throught lots of women so by the law of averages, you are going to pick up a few stalkers along the way!'

Yep.

expatinscotland · 04/09/2013 20:35

Yes, the ol' 'She needed my cock so much she couldn't get enough.' Hmm, as my male friend pointed out, 'There are about 3bn of those in the world, love, just go and find another one.'

JoinYourPlayfellows · 04/09/2013 20:37

"And some of them were actually even sparks, joiners and construction workers, too!"

:o

LOL

expatinscotland · 04/09/2013 20:40

I was once pulled by a sexy call-centre worker, Join, whom I literally ran into - he was coming out of his block and I was in floods of tears after an argument with an on/off sort of boyfriend - who used the immortal line, 'The best way to get over a man is to get under another. May I buy you a drink?'

I liked the cut of his jibe, and there was a bar right across the street :o.

WayHarshTai · 04/09/2013 20:40

What's your socio-economic background then Trunk me ol' mucka?

nenevomito · 04/09/2013 20:41

my ex used to have a couple of stalkers. Turned out he was fucking them behind my back.

nenevomito · 04/09/2013 20:42

Remember when one of them came to the front door as well. He told me she was obsessive. I believed him right up until I discovered that I had an STD he'd got from her. Just sayin like.

expatinscotland · 04/09/2013 20:44

'my ex used to have a couple of stalkers. Turned out he was fucking them behind my back.'

I've had that happen to me, too. Months after showing me his legal separation papers, she just came back into his life and was causing problems.

Sure.

She'd moved back in with him and he was fucking both of us.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 04/09/2013 20:46

Why has he not changed his mobile number since the restraining order? I don't understand why this (latest) woman still has it. Or why any of the others still have contact with him/you both.

ImperialBlether · 04/09/2013 20:47

I think some people are being very cruel to the OP. Huge assumptions are being made.

expatinscotland · 04/09/2013 20:49

Like what? As snazzy pointed out, wouldn't the logical thing to do be to get restraining orders/block/change details?

IME, there is indeed a certain type of person who has many ex's 'stalking' him/her, and it's not a good one.

nenevomito · 04/09/2013 20:50

Well, Imperial - either this man is exceptionally unlucky to have repeatedly chosen women who then go on to stalk him or he has done something to prompt it.

One stalker - nasty, creepy and scary.

Many stalkers - well either there's something wrong with a lot of people, or you look to the common denominator.

DukeSilver · 04/09/2013 20:54

My first though on reading the OP was that the common factor in all these cases is your DH, so I would be looking at his behavior and seeing if there is anything he has done/is doing (intentionally or unintentionally) that is causing these women to behave in this way towards him.

Ezio · 04/09/2013 20:55

Is your husband Christian Grey?

Ezio · 04/09/2013 20:56

Also i suspect he probably didnt have much commitment towards them, then married you, they are probably wondering whats so special about you.

Onebuddhaisnotenough · 04/09/2013 20:56

Aww - he sounds like a right prize, this wanker of yours Grin

Onebuddhaisnotenough · 04/09/2013 20:56

Ohhhhh my AWFUL typo! I did of course mean BANKER.....

Ezio · 04/09/2013 20:57

One How very careless of you...

dontbelievehim · 04/09/2013 21:01

I have an ex; 2 weeks after meeting him we were walking through town and he pointed out a woman and a child, and said "that's my ex and my son; she's nuts".

He became violent towards me and when I called the police and got him arrested, he fled to a female 'friend' and moved in with her...this is a woman he had been 'friends' with the whole 2 years we were together, and he never told her we were together. Once he was living with her, he called me "a crazy stalker".

When we were on a break for a few weeks, he shagged some woman he knows a few times...when he was back living with me after the break she turned up on our doorstep and told me everything - guess what? According to him, she was "nuts" and "obsessed".

He got another woman pregnant 2 years ago - reckons she lied about being on the pill to trap him into getting pregnant. And she's "nuts".

Get the picture...?