I've done it!

[FreeAtLastAtLongLast]

NC regular here.

I've done it. I've told him it won't work.

So no more being shouted at, no more of him messaging other women when I've stood up to him (well, I'm sure he'll do that tonight, but I'm fine with it), no more dreading him coming home because there's a high possibility of him being angry, no more of his dodgy mates, no more of his manipulative "I'm scared of what I might do to myself right now" because I'm asking him to change, no more being lied to about drug use, no more putting up with his ropey relatives, no more of him shouting at me even louder because it upsets me that MY CHILD will hear, no more being shouted at even louder because it worries me that the neighbours might complain triggering a potential loss of MY HOME, no more worrying that he will turn up at my work in a fit of rage because this time I'll tell security.

So, I'll never see the money he owes me, and we are skint. It's ok, I'll earn more, and I know how to look after my money when I'm not bankrolling a waster.

Apparently I'm mad, a lunatic, and everyone knows it. Ok, I'm sure they'll see that I'm ok when I'm not being bullied. And anyone that doesn't see that doesn't matter.

Apparently my cunt stinks. Oh well, not his problem, even though I'm clean.

But the best bit is that he will never see or contact me again. I'm definitely ok with that! Here's hoping he sticks to it, I'll call the police if he doesn't.

Thanks for listening (reading)

What's that I can smell????....... Oh yeah, that's sweet freedom!

Ha what a waste of space. Clearly he was the only stinking cunt in your relationship.

Well done OP.

It's ok if you slump a bit. You'll have nice clean sheets and a huge MN crew to cushion you :)

Hooooorayyyy!
You sound so strong and determined.

Please look back at that list when you start to wobble.
You CAN do this, we can help!

Well done to you

But why have you namechanged ? I presume you have posted about this bloke before and been told to LTB ? Could you not let us celebrate with you in the thought that at least one of those women who look like they will never leave, actually do ?

Ooh, OP I hope I didn't come over as negative! More that I wanted to make sure it doesn't 9ome as a surprise, that when you wobble, as we all have, that you can find how to dig just that little bit deeper and you'll get through it and to the other side.

Because I'm ashamed AF

Anger is kicking right in now. As if the way he treated us wasn't bad enough, he's now left me up shit creek. God help that bastard if he ever attempts to darken my door again. I'm raging

We don't know you. You don't need to feel ashamed. Own it, love you have ended it

I'm proud I left my x but I wouldn't have put it up on mn with my usual screen name when I was simultaneously telling people in rl i'd just left. they would match up screen name and real name, that is the Bermuda triangle. don't go there!

Well done Free! It only gets better from here. I'm 10 months down the line from where you are now and my life has improved in every possible way.

My Ex's life however (as I very recently found out through a mutual friend) has turned to shit. He has spiralled down into his alcohol and drug addictions, lost his job and moved in his new junkie girlfriend rent-free.

Onwards and upwards from hereon in!! :)

But I am ashamed. I may have tried my best to stop things from escalating time and time again, but I should have stopped him doing that here, by not allowing him here.

I have started talking to people in RL about this, and don't want them to see other, very private things I've talked about.

I've also had a shitty MN experience where someone didn't like my response to a thread and searched my name history. It wasn't very nice!

Hindsight is always 20:20.

I left my cheating ex about 18 months ago - happiest year of my life, met someone new and he's proposed (not that I said yes).

Meanwhile my ex's 'flat is empty and echoey', he 'hates his job' but it's all fine because he's been looking for jobs for me too (WTF?) so that we can pretend this last year didn't happen.

When I gently mentioned I had 'commitments' he started screaming angrily 'I'm so fucking HAPPY for you!'

Karma.

you're entitled to your privacy Free. When I really needed mn, back at the beginning, after I@d left x, I had an awful mn experience too, at the hands of a good friend OF a good friend (not my friend). It is wise to name-changes often in my opinion. there is no shortage of lunatics on mn.

Well done. :)

You may have done all the relationship mistakes before, but lots of us have been there.

What matters is that you have LTB and that's something you should be really proud about.

Stay strong.

Thank you. Been really up and down today. I'm gutted.

He's actually meeting someone to talk work at my place of work tomorrow This was arranged a few weeks ago, but still. I work in a big place. He's meeting someone in a glass walled cafe. He reminded me today, and said he doesn't want our paths to cross. But I have training in the room behind it 15 mins after he's meeting this guy! I can't get to the room without walking past a glass wall

What do I do? I had to tell my boss about everything today as I turned up late and somewhat flustered. She was great about it, but what do I do? If I say he's going to be there but I'll go anyway she might think I'm asking for trouble at work. If I say he's there but I can't do the training she might think this whole mess is causing a lot of problems. If I say nothing and go and there's a problem, I'm fucked. If I say nothing but make shit excuses I'm also fucked.

Any advice would be appreciated this is what I've been reduced to; an indecisive wreck with a fear of losing everything

I would have thought the best thing would be to tell them and also say you will do your job as required (so doing the training or whatever), that you're not going to cause trouble but that he has form so you thought it sensible for a heads up to them - you are NOT responsible for his behaviour so if he does kick off, that's his problem, not yours.

His behaviour/actions are never your fault or responsibility, but his free choice.

Why was he even in contact with you? Sounds like he is trying to still get at you.

Like LadyRain suggests I'd have a quiet word with your manager to say you are a little worried as he will be there, and just to give a heads up if he tries anything.

Tomorrow, try to walk in with a colleague, and look as unconcerned and carefree as possible. Don't even look in his direction, make sure you are engrossed in a conversation, lots of smiling and laughing. If you don't have a colleague, make sure you are on the phone, laughing and chatting away as you walk past. Just make sure it is on silent, so you don't look a Sally if someone phones you!

Do not dare look nervous or upset, or even look in his direction. that will only make him think he has power over you, which of course, was the whole purpose of him reminding you that he will be there tomorrow.

Your boss already knows the situation so explain about the meeting and the training, explain he is threatening to kick off and say that you hope he is just talking out of his hat but you felt you should warn her. Then go training with your chin up and don't even look for him.

If he is trying to get work he would be stupid to kick off so if he does just relax in the knowledge you won't have to work with him as it is unlikely he will get the job! Conduct yourself professionally and let him dig his own pit!

Congratulations on getting rid, sounds like you have made an excellent choice

I think this bit is important, he has form for bullying you. If you allow him to make you church mouse now and he does get work there he will want to continue to bully you. If you get through tomorrow showing him you are strong and proud you will have taken the first step to making sure he cannot bully you either in your home or work.

I know, I know you're right. It won't be easy!! I'll get such a slagging off for it. How did I get to this point? I know how actually, it's because I had faith where it wasn't deserved.

Feeling very low

I hope today is going okay Free. You got here because some bully decided to try and make you a victim. You have started fighting back but finding the energy to keep fighting is a challenge. You can do it, you are more than this and better than him. Just use us and any other support you have for the difficult days and to celebrate the good ones. There is no weakness in it

Hope today has gone well.

Remember, no looking furtive or worried. Shoulders back, head up, smiling, laughing, (no looking out for him), otherwise occupied, nonchalant and carefree.

Fake it till you make it.

Thank you, I survived!

I told my manager, she was clear that I didn't have to go if it was too much, but I was adamant it was important to maintain our schedule.

I had the squits took a huge detour to avoid walking past, and went for it. I turned up early, and thankfully didn't see him I am so relieved!

I'm veering between feeling 3 things right now. Mostly I feel so sad. Why couldn't he have just been nice? I'm no angelina, but I would have done anything for him! Anything but tolerate abuse. Also anger, a lot of anger. There was no need for all this pain and hurt. If he really didn't like me and my child, he could have just walked away! But what he really wanted was submission and control, and he was contemptuous of me and my child for not playing his silly games. I'll never understand why he was the way he was, but I won't try to as I'm not qualified to. Thirdly, every now and then I catch myself bargaining and hoping. I'm ashamed of this. But even if he behaved immaculately, he has poisoned everything. We would never have the relationship we could have had because I know how nasty and cruel he is.

Sadly, there's a lot of it about.

Sorry for the epic paragraph

Yes there is Annie, usually fed by toxic backgrounds of their own and/or excess. XP had both going for him