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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Travelling Far And Wide, With Sobriety In Mind.

1000 replies

Mouseface · 04/09/2013 15:02

Welcome to the Bus one and all! I'm Mouse, one of the Brave Babes :)

We have a new line that we're taking with us on every journey, thanks to one of our wonderful Babes, Curry -

Alcohol Fosters Inertia.

So when you're drinking excessively, nothing changes, or improves, the sharp edges of our lives just becomes that little bit less in focus, blurred and all you feel is numb. Then like shit (emotionally, as well as physically) if you're honest! Who wants that?

You are only ever better/pacified/happy whilst the alcohol is in your system. And that doesn't last........... it's not a cure, it's a quick fix. A sticking plaster.

So, if you think you're drinking too much, and want some friendly advice, or just to come and have a chat, get to know others who are just like you, who won't judge or criticise you, then hop on board! :)

We're a really mixed bunch and all at different stages of our journey to find sobriety or certainly drinking in a more controlled, less dangerous way.

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far, have a look at the links below :)

LAST THREAD

THE STARTING POINT AND WHY WE'RE ALL HERE

OP posts:
whydidthishappen · 15/09/2013 18:01

I'm going to another meeting tonight. I'm doing the 90 in 90 days. I haven't felt the need to drink, but I haven't felt anything but shame and despair and guilt since this happened during the week. I see my baby for a supervised visit tomorrow morning. I feel like I'm dying without him.

babyjane1 · 15/09/2013 19:09

why remember this is only temporary, I have learned sooooo much that things change very quickly once the alcohol leaves your system, your mood will improve, you will be much less anxious and you will feel a brand new emotion, it's called HOPE, stay strong xxxx

Latrollope · 15/09/2013 19:11

Why I'll be thinking about you tomorrow morning. I hope it goes well sweetheart x

dementedma · 15/09/2013 19:24

Love the name latrollope
OK low carbers - I need to rant. The weigh I'm is tomorrow and I have tried really realy hard, with a couple of slip ups, but the scales say I haven't lost a single fucking pound! I could cry. I have had two bottles of wine in 7 days instead of my normal 6 or 7 but even that doesn't seem to have done anything. I have lived on vegetables, meat , yoghurt and eggs and had no pasta, rice, bread, cakes, biscuits etc. Drunk gallons and gallons of water. Am so pissed off I am seriously considering heading out for wine and chocolate.....might as well eat and drink what I like if eating low carb does nothing for me. Oh, I'm so feckin gutted!

Indisguise1 · 15/09/2013 19:40

I've been drinking too much for 20 yrs. I'm late thirties now. Mainly binge drinking, work hard play hard.

I started drinking most days about 5 years ago. Anywhere between a bottle of wine and ten pints, depending on the day of the week . It quickly made me ill; elevated lfts, gastric ulcers and chronic diarrhoea .

This made me moderate my drinking and I thought that it was under control. Drank at most a couple of times a week. Rarely got drunk, 6 pints in a night happened only once in a while. Holidays were a bit of an undoing, drinking every day for a week, up to a couple of bottles of wine ( usually just one ).

I was hospitalised twice the week following holidays. Both times following a few days abstinence. Vague symptoms, feeling awful, hi pulse, 'shocky', abdominal pain, diarrhoea. Appendicitis and pancreatitis were suspected , discharged with no treatment or diagnosis.

Since then, I haven't drunk much. I've had months of total abstinence, and a few low grade benders (6 pints). However, I've noticed if I drink too much, bottle of wine, or drink a couple of glasses a couple of nights running then I suffer tremendous anxiety, sweats, diarrhoea and abdominal pain.

It came to a head recently, following a frantically busy work and family time, following a weeks holiday.

I drank a bottle of wine every day for a week. Then stopped ready for work. Bottom fell out of my world. Awful anxiety, sweats, shakes, diarrhoea, abdominal pain. This progressed to being ultra sensitive to repetitive noises (the kettle, washing machine, alarms). My ears were literally twitching. I had subtle disturbances of vision, mistaking simple objects on the periphery of my vision for something else.i kept working.

The following weekend, I drank a bottle and a half of wine on the Saturday, 2 glasses Sunday and Monday. Que a slightly milder version of the above.

I now haven't had a Drink for nearly 2 weeks. I feel better.

I am sure that I suffer from kindling. I think both hospitalisations were moderate withdrawals, and that I've suffered minor - moderate withdrawals on many other occasions. I've clearly wired up the circuits that lead to convulsions, and have come to the conclusion that I run the risk of death if I drink again. All this is without any real medical input, although I have phoned my gp, explained the above, and gp agrees.

I think I'm fairly lucky, as I have taught myself, over the last few years, to enjoy nights out without drinking, Christmas etc. However, it is clear that moderation , and periods of sobriety are not enough, I must stop completely,

All thoughts gratefully received .
X

dementedma · 15/09/2013 19:49

Welcome in disguise
I don't know what kindling is so will go and Google it and come back. You are very welcome on the bus. Have a seat.

Indisguise1 · 15/09/2013 19:58

Cheers

Indisguise1 · 15/09/2013 19:59

Perhaps thanks is more appropriate!

sausagesarenotafruit · 15/09/2013 20:10

Day 6 af and still determined. I have so had enough of feeling shit because of alcohol. Now no terrible middle of the night anxiety, sweats, guilt, shame, general chaos.

I thought I was fundamentally inadequate at dealing with life but I am now realising that it was just that I was drinking. I am astonished at how much better I feel. I'm not posting all the time but being on this bus is helping so much. My thoughts are with those of you having a really hard time at the moment. Keep going x

whydidthishappen · 15/09/2013 20:32

Thanks for all the support. It means a lot.

Two days ago I was debating jumping in front of a train. Now I'm just focused on staying sober and getting my baby back.

Mouseface · 15/09/2013 21:21

Welcome Disguise :) - well done on posting and being ever so honest x

Ma - I too have fucked up this weekend (see my post on the LC thread) I couldn't have given a monkey's arse at the time but now I DO!!! Especially with weigh in tomorrow.

So, my fellow Camper, can we weep together? Sad

It's so fecking hard when your head isn't in the 'zone' etc.... you know where I am if you need a hand to hold. xxx I doubt I've lost a dot, never mind a pound!

Right you lovely lot, I'm offski to watch the last What Remains..... not sure who my money is on! Grin

IsinDe - are you okay? JWN, venus, Red, thurso etc, calling all Babes who haven't posted in a while!

See you all tomorrow...... a whole new day :)

One. Day. At. A. Time.

PS - Why, Ma, disguise and anyone else struggling - I hope that you get through tonight ok x

Night xxx

OP posts:
dementedma · 15/09/2013 21:23

Well I beat the ww even if the low carbing got me. AF four days this past week which is great for me and a total of two bottles consumed. Would be happy to keep at that level bit we will see. An early night here.
Night all

sausagesarenotafruit · 15/09/2013 21:26

why please don't give up. Stay strong for you and your little one. You are having an awful time but you can make it better and things will improve. I know I'm not in your situation but I've been dependent on alcohol for 30 years. Its never too late.

Mouseface · 15/09/2013 21:33

Ma - you have no idea how proud I am of you for going from 6/7 bottles a week to 2 is fucking outstanding!!! :)

You are amazing, fuck the carbs this week, you nailed the booze Babe, nailed it! So, take that as your glory and be proud xxx

Hello Sausages - not sure I've said hi :)

Just off to bed but didn't want to be rude! :) xx

Night all xxx

OP posts:
babyjane1 · 15/09/2013 21:34

indisguise Crikey you've been through the mill for sure!! I really truly believe your body has been giving you extreme and frightening warnings about the hazardous effect alcohol is having in it. You have certainly done the right thing in stopping although it might be better done with the support of your GP. I think you need to stay away from booze altogether and let your body heal, you sound very determined and your body and mind will thank you. You should defo be taking some extra vitamins, B12 seems popular on here, be good to your body, eat well and get some gentle excercise, welcome aboard. sausage I'm so so happy to see you turning things around, you will soon start to see huge improvements in your skin, weight, purse and self esteem, it's clearly working already, well done you . why no matter what lies ahead, your baby needs you, this whole thread is based on the story of a lovely lady who thought she had lost everything and her journey back to happiness, I truly believe you will be the story of success we tell other new babes in the future about when you got your life back and your family too, I truly believe that, sending hugs through cyber space to everyone reading this tonight xxx

guggenheim · 15/09/2013 21:44

baby and ma & sausage & why-well done.

'LO there mouse

Welcome to indisguise

joey hope things are going better for you tonight
.lonnika - how's it all going? Night all

DuckGooseFrog · 15/09/2013 21:51

Hi. I've decided that, since it's 100 days until Christmas, I'm going to attempt to abstain for 100 days.

I've always liked to drink because it takes the edge off and makes me feel funny and clever and alive but I'm finding that I can't take the middle of the night anxiety and the feeling rubbish the next day.

I didn't drink at all during either of my pregnancies and I was really in control of my drinking for the first year after DS1 was born, I didn't really want to drink at the time. Since DS2 came along I've been drinking too much. Some of it is guilt because he was very poorly when he was born and I blame myself for it. Some of it is boredom at being a SAHM. Mostly it's habit and having a faulty off-switch.

I can go a fortnight without a drink; it usually starts out hard, I get a real buzz once I've done a full week then something will persuade me to have a glass of wine but that will become a bottle, which will become a bottle the day after and the day after. Sometimes I can be sober all week and just drink at the weekends but my weekday drinking is starting to increase.

Recently I was home alone with the DSs and I was drinking (DH had gone out for the evening) and I got that panic that there wasn't enough wine in the house. I was so close to grabbing my car keys and driving down to the shop while the children were in bed. I scared myself with that and didn't drink for 12 days but then there was a birthday and it was just before DS2 was due to go into hospital so I started drinking again. That was just over a week ago, today is day one (again).

I'd like to be able to have a glass or two of wine and then stop. I'd like to be able to get tipsy but not drink the next day to get over the hangover and then the day after that to get over that hangover. I'd like to be able to have a glass with lunch but not then go home and open a bottle because I've got the taste for it. I honestly don't know if that's possible, I don't know if I'll even get to Friday, let alone December.

Sorry that was so long.

Mouseface · 15/09/2013 21:51

Hey you xx Night xx

OP posts:
Mouseface · 15/09/2013 21:54

We're gonna need a bigger Bus Grin

Only joking gorgeous Babes - welcome Duck!! - no post is ever too long. Never! xx

Now I really must go! xx

OP posts:
Flumpyflumps · 15/09/2013 21:55

Hi, is this only for those with alcohol issues? Or can recovering drug addicts join too?

babyjane1 · 15/09/2013 22:01

alias sorry your going through such a hard time with dd and dh, no matter how lippy she gets, she is a child and your husband the adult, I'm so sorry your stuck in the middle, just wanted you to know your in my thoughts, hope things improve babe xxxx

whydidthishappen · 15/09/2013 22:03

Hi DuckGooseFrog. I also drank because of boredom at home. Let me a warning to you. Best of luck with it.

guggenheim · 15/09/2013 22:13

hugs to you too mouse
baby you sound good x

welcome to duck and Flumps

duck well done on recognising how alcohol affects you. Keep posting and reading, hope you get control of the ww!

flumps I have no idea but I'm fairly sure that the babes can offer support in any circumstances. Alcohol & drug dependency go hand in hand quite often. Want to tell us more? (will read tomorrow 'cos I really am off to bed now)

aliasjoey · 15/09/2013 22:50

Thanks babyj am feeling quite depressed tonight, but alcohol is a depressant so that probably didn't help. How are you doing?

ma 4 days! You star, I know how hard that must have been. You can have my opal fruits Grin

Fairenuff · 16/09/2013 00:01

Just a quick post because it's late and I'm off to bed - been for an evening out and just got in (on a school night too Shock). Anyway, hello to our newest babes

Indisguise we call what you are experiencing the 'fuck it' button. Here is your body crying out for a break and you keep drinking. It's the urge to self destruct and I think many of us have been there. No idea why, and we have many strategies to use to avoid it, but maybe it is linked to the new patterns we create in our brains by the repetitive stimulant of alcohol?

Kindling: Repeated acute withdrawal from alcohol which occurs in heavy binge drinkers has been shown in several studies to be associated with cognitive deficits as a result of neural kindling; neural kindling due to repeated withdrawals is believed to be the mechanism of cognitive damage in both binge drinkers and alcoholics.

Neural kindling may explain the advancing pathogenesis and progressively deteriorating course of alcoholism and explain continued alcohol abuse as due to avoidance of distressing acute withdrawal symptoms which get worse with each withdrawal.

Multiple withdrawals from alcohol is associated with impaired long-term nonverbal memory impairment in adolescents and to poor memory in adult alcoholics. Adult alcoholics who experienced two or more withdrawals showed more frontal lobe impairments than alcoholics who had a history of one or no prior alcohol withdrawals.

The findings of kindling in alcoholism is consistent with the mechanism of brain damage due to binge drinking and subsequent withdrawal.

Duck 100 days, is that all. I'm on day 12 of 49 at the moment (doing 7 weeks as part of my diet) and it's going fine. No desire to drink but I don't drink that much these days anyway. Stick with us, there is always someone to buddy up with for a couple of weeks or even just a day.

Flumpy you are most welcome, I am sure we all use many of the same strategies, substance abuse is substance abuse after all.

Ah well, so much for the quick post. Night babes x

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