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Original poster

I keep stuffing up dates arghhh

55 replies

Throwingthetowel · 04/09/2013 07:05

I'm reasonably attractive and have no problem getting dates, it's keeping them I struggle with.
This week I met with a guy I'd Been for a brief date with six weeks ago and then due to him being away for work and sick it took until this week to catch up again, lots of sexting in between.
So the date itself goes well, we both know its going to end up in bed that's was average tbh, a few comedy moments where I got cramp that kind of thing.
Anyway a bit of morning glory the next day, he drops me at the station for work, kiss goodbye and speak soon from him and then nothing. The silence is deafening lol

OP posts:
SunRaysthruClouds · 04/09/2013 10:18

Oh completely - thank you Smile

SunRaysthruClouds · 04/09/2013 10:22

My last reply was to VS.

Hairy - no judgement from me I assure you. And that's great. It is just not something I am used to I guess.

May the successful relationships from OD stand out on here and provide reassurance to those trying to reach that pinnacle of happiness.

rainbowfeet · 04/09/2013 10:28

I live by the rule to take what men say with a pinch of salt!! Shock

In general they tend to say what they think women want to hear rather than the truth, they seem to think all women want is a relationship & to take over their lives... Many women out there would rather have a casual type thing with honesty & both parties keeping their independence rather than a full on relationship & lots of lies & game playing.

I do feel sorry for the few genuine men it must be tough for them as the game playing twats ruin it. Hmm

Original poster
Throwingthetowel · 04/09/2013 10:28

It's

OP posts:
Original poster
Throwingthetowel · 04/09/2013 10:30

Tough around I think.
The faux getting to know you online - the feeling that you've been involved for longer than you have in reality and yet for a single mum without a ready supply of babysitter I don't know what the alternative is, maybe an introduction agency but then I met ex through those and that didn't end well.

OP posts:
CuChullain · 04/09/2013 10:46

The faux getting to know you online

Why is this faux? I found it a great way to weed out the idiots and timewasters, much rather do that in the comfort of my own home than find out on a date. You can tell a lot about someone just by the very type of questions they ask or indeed, if they are being evasive to some of your questions.

SunRaysthruClouds · 04/09/2013 10:57

Agree again CuChullain.

So many times I have seen people say that they meet up almost immediately, and then complain that the blokes were idiots or worse. There is so much you can tell from how people express themselves in writing, such as intelligence, humour etc. You just need to read between the lines, and understand what is not being said as well as what is.

HairyGrotter · 04/09/2013 11:03

I always chatted online first off, it's an excellent tool to gauge a persons character (to a degree). I would always chat online first, then text (if online went well), then phone call, then meet. I didn't like to wait too long for the physical meet, as I liked to make sure the chemistry was there before investing too much time and emotion.

OD does work, it's just about tuning your radar and keeping positive

SunRaysthruClouds · 04/09/2013 11:05

How long is 'too long' ?

Original poster
Throwingthetowel · 04/09/2013 11:05

Well yes that's true .... So 48 hours since the date .... Would you send a "I had fun, hope you did" text ?

OP posts:
watchforthesnail · 04/09/2013 11:05

it is an excellent tool to weed people out. however, people can, and do lie. so its not fool proof. Until you have met and actually got to know someone in person, its pretty hard to tell what their intentions are... and even then you can get caught out sometimes.

mcmooncup · 04/09/2013 11:09

I find it really interesting this thing about arsewipes on OD.

I've done it on and off for a couple of years and literally EVERY guy I've met has wanted a relationship. Go figure Confused
I'm not a beauty queen in anyway so it's nothing to do with shallow looks, yet they have all pursued me and offered their commitment.

I didn't with any of them....until 2 months ago and found a gem who I actually want to spend my time with. He's lusciously lovely but still I'm the one struggling to give up single life....Blush

Maybe I'm the female version of the arsewipe Od men?!?

CuChullain · 04/09/2013 11:24

@ Hairy

Pretty much my approach, I would not spend weeks swapping emails and chatting on msn, things would move fairly quickly from emails to phone call, the latter being the final acid test before meeting in person.

@watchfortheslug

Agree, its not 100% fool proof but I like to think it went some way to weeding out the obvious muppets. I hate 'The Rules' thing that gets touted on here, everyone is different and I think you need to develop strategies that work for you rather then follow some prescribed template. Generally I found that by the time I got to going on an actual date I was fairly confident it would not be a disaster, even if the chemistry was not quite there more often then not I would still end up having a bloody good evening and several friendships have developed off the back such dates.

MsApprehension · 04/09/2013 11:29

Agree McMooncup, the majority that I've encountered seem to want something serious too. There have only been a couple where I thought they were definitely after "fun" and nothing else but this has usually been pretty clear from the start.

badtime · 04/09/2013 11:50

I have had almost entirely good experiences with online dating - certainly better than with 'real life' people. It's probably true that most of the men on the dating sites are primarily after a shag, but I think that is the case in meatspace as well - it is just less obvious as people are not usually in a situation which is primarily geared towards establishing intimate relationships (be they romantic or sexual).

VelvetSpoon · 04/09/2013 11:51

It's not always clear from the start, depends on how astute the man is at playing the game, how far he's prepared to go for a shag. I've known of men go through 5 or 6 dates, get the shag, and disappear without trace. Despite having discussed future dates, plans, etc, given no indication of simply being after sex.

Now you could argue 'oh maybe he was a nice man and changed his mind' or some such old cobblers. But if that were the case, he'd be polite enough to send a text or call afterwards, not simply ignore having got what he wanted.

On reflection, I can honestly say I have met 5 men in 4 years (it might be 1 or 2 more at best) who didn't just want a quick shag. 2 of them ended up in relationships with childless women (I suspect because they need to have someone at their beck and call, and a single mum can't provide that), and the others wanted a relationship but either didn't have the time that was actually required for one, or were not able to deal with one emotionally.

Original poster
Throwingthetowel · 04/09/2013 11:58

So do I text lol

OP posts:
HairyGrotter · 04/09/2013 12:02

Guess I was very lucky with my DP. I'm a lone parent, he was a very eligible bachelor, great job, excellent wage, good prospects, honest, funny, attractive, and genuine. He was looking for a relationship, he wanted to settle down and I like to believe there are plenty more men like him out there. He's a nice guy and apparently the women he met before me (admittedly I was his 4th actual date, poor bastard ha) were very off put by him being nice.

Swings and roundabouts, but I hate to think that the genuine ones are missing out due to the twats

VelvetSpoon · 04/09/2013 12:04

throwing I wouldn't bother texting tbh, as I doubt you'll get a reply, sorry.

However if it would make you feel better to have your say, then by all means do so. I know when I called someone out on treating me badly recently, I felt much better afterwards for having said my piece.

Snapespeare · 04/09/2013 12:16

I wouldn't text him either. If you're looking for a reason why he has decided to not persue date 2, you probably won't get the real reason. You'll get an excuse.

I don't think you have 'stuffed-up' the date either. Some people will date until they've DTD, doesnt matter if it's date 1 or date 6.

SarahBumBarer · 04/09/2013 12:19

Personally I would not throwingthetowel!

IMO you have missed the boat for that kind of text and to send it now would look a bit needy. I WOULD have sent that text sortly after he left and not felt ashamed had he not replied but if I sent it now and got nothing back I would feel embarassed.

Just me though.

Original poster
Throwingthetowel · 04/09/2013 12:21

It's his birthday in a few days if I haven't heard I might post happy birthday on his wall to make him feel bad lol

OP posts:
Snapespeare · 04/09/2013 12:27

I would wait a week then delete him from fb and his contact details from all methods of communication. Birthday greetings just look a tad passive aggressive and you're opening yourself up to more of the same with regards to shag-run by making that kind of contact. If he contacts you, I would see him again in a public place and not shag him. (Only on the basis that you want a relationship, not a fwb scenario) Then see what happens.

juneybean · 04/09/2013 12:32

So you're moaning he hasn't text even though you haven't text?

LividofLondon · 04/09/2013 12:35

I can't stand mind games and I don't think playing by certain rules makes much difference to the outcome of a relationship; you're either into each other or you're not. I've had sex quickly with some of my exes and taken my time with others and there's been no correlation between how long I've waited and how successful the relationship has been. My philosophy is only have sex with a man if I'm not going to be upset if it's a one off and with that in mind just do what feels good at the time.

OP, I prefer it if the man contacts me the next day but this doesn't seem to be what happens a lot of the time, so it's either a case of holding your nerve and waiting, or get in touch with him. I don't see what's wrong with sending him a "I had fun, hope you did too. If you want to do it again you know where I am" text. But if you do send that, wait for him to reply. Don't contact him again. Make yourself as busy as possible to distract you from the phone that isn't ringing/the emails that aren't coming through. That's what I would do anyway.

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