Be careful what you wish for

[londonmouse]

This is a genuine first post. I have only just joined as I go on other forums, but if I asked in any of those I would be outed straight away and wouldnt get a sensible answer.

I moved up to my town a couple of years ago with my DH and two sons. I made a few really close friends through my sons school and we now have a group of about 6 of us who are all really good friends.

Before meeting my DH I had a short fling with another woman. I wont call it a relationship because it wasnt. It was the two of us getting what we wanted without any strings. Its always been a bit of a fantasy. Nobody, not even my close friends knew.

After a slightly drunk chat with one of the mums in our 'group' she revealed she has the same feelings and has basically tried to initiate an affair. I am hugely flattered, and mostly tempted, but I do genuinely love my DH. I am going crazy. I see her every day. She is one of my closest friends. I am a bit annoyed that our friendship has been put on the line, but I am so tempted to give in.

If you find the idea exciting but dont want to carry it through...and want to stay with your DH tell him. He will love it and you'll get your latest crush out of your system.

I think you're (wrongly) thinking that cheating with a woman not a man is somehow less serious, less hurtful. You're wrong. Keep it as a fantasy. And ask MNHQ to remove your town name!

I think know I just would prefer to be with a woman sexually. But I am (sort of) happy with my marriage not being entirely perfect sex wise.

I 'think' I would rather be in an almost sexless marriage rather than throw it away for some hot sex and my fantasy.

And I can't stop thinking about it. I am supposed to be busy writing. But I just can't get her out of my head.

Does your DH know you are bisexual/possibly gay?

I was in a 'thing' with a woman when we first got together. Its never really been talked about since

Hello

We've edited the OP to remove the name of her home town.

Um. The world doesn?t usually divide into ?hot sex? (women) and ?real life? (men). And you can?t just shut the sex into a box. Even if you never do anything how awful would it be to be married for life to someone who always thought that sex with someone else would be much nicer?

In the past, when you had this ?thing?, it doesn?t sound as if you ever socialised openly as a couple with your female partner. So you didn?t have any social life as a bisexual or lesbian and you never really got to talk about your sexuality and how it fitted in to your life? Which on the one hand would make the thought of a same-sex relationship extra exciting but it also cuts off intimacy with your husband and destabilises your marriage. The long-term killer for your marriage may not be your sexuality in itself, but it may be the way that you?ve had to separate your sexuality from everything else and not allow that part of you to be included in your identity and into the rest of your life.

So I think that rather than having a fling with this woman, you might need to be more open about your sexuality and what it really means to you. With yourself to start off with, and then perhaps with your partner.