Every man I've ever been involved with has treated me like crap

[VelvetSpoon]

That's really not normal is it?

I have been 'dating' (ha fucking ha) for 4 years, encountered an endless string of fuckwits. The latest one has decided he is 'too busy' to see me, cancelled on me 3 times and forced me to dump him.

But I've realised it's not just all these OD losers, it's all the other relationships/ encounters/ whatever I've had in the years beforehand too. Every single one.

I'm trying to think of any of them that have actually treated me nicely...one ex helped me a lot with house stuff, but he refused to go to most social events with me, and in our 9 month relationship never stayed overnight at my house. So didn't exactly treat me that well. There was only 1 other, who was v considerate when I saw him but used to mess me around a lot in terms of seeing him, and would change/ cancel arrangements at v short notice.

So where do I go wrong?

[AndAnother]

So sorry Velvet .

After that, I think I'd be scared to ever love anyone again, in case they also died.

[AndAnother]

Scared to go for a good one in case they leave in the same way maybe?

Hats off for achieving what you have on the back of all that Velvet.

[VelvetSpoon]

Thanks andanother. Honestly I think I'm lucky in some ways though, so many people had awful childhoods, and terrible relationships with their parents. I have loads of great memories of my childhood, even if my parents are no longer with me, I'll always have those.

I don't think that I'm rejecting nice men. I have dated/ been in relationships with some who seemed nice at first but weren't, leading me to have to get rid. In recent years I have mostly been the one getting dumped after 1/2 dates. But I don't think most of those men were very nice either, so actually them dumping me wasn't a bad thing.

[yellowballoons]

Sorry to hear that VelvetSpoon.

Do you think you may be trying to find the perfect man, or a man that can live up to who you think your parents would have approved of?

I dont think the perfect man exists. After all, we are not perfect ourselves, so cant expect anyone else to be.

Can I ask one more thing, which you dont have to answer. Were your parents from the same sort of background as each other?

[VelvetSpoon]

I really don't think I'm trying to find a perfect man. I do ask myself sometimes, if it's someone I particularly like, whether my dad would have liked them :) and I have thought several times that he would have approved. Plenty he wouldn't have liked at all though.

My parents were both from working-class (ish) backgrounds, although there were differences: my mum was from a v large, close-knit Italian origin family, my dad (who was 16 years older than my mum) had a very disjointed childhood, was brought up in the country by his grandparents for 10 years before being returned to his dad in London. They didnt get on, my dad went into the army at 18 (this was during WW2) and never saw him again. Both my parents under-achieved academically - my mum couldn't go to grammar school because her parents couldn't afford the uniform. My dad failed the 11plus because of moving. Hence why they wanted me to do well at school and go to university, because neither of them got the chance.

[yellowballoons]

I think you are unique, VelvetSpoon, and I mean it in a nice way.
I do sometimes think that people who are much the same as other people have an easier job finding a partner.

The other thought that occurs to me from you post, is have you thought yourself about having an older or younger partner?

Quite often, families follow patterns, even if they dont set out to.

[VelvetSpoon]

I know I'm a bit different to other people, I have been used to not quite fitting in most of my life, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I do think if I were more average in many ways I'd find it easier to meet someone :)

Re age, I was in a relationship with a man 20 years older than me in my 20s. The last 2 men I've dated have been 5 years younger, so I am open minded as to age and always have been really.