Mil (age 67) and fil (72) say they now find it "too tiring" to have our dc to stay for 3 days in the summer holidays

[Mintyy]

I'm a bit surprised. When I'm 67 I would hope to have the energy to hang out with a 10 year old and a 12 year old who require no more care than having their meals cooked and to be reminded to have a shower/go to bed (10 year old only).

Or is that unrealistic of me?

Mil is less than 17 years older than me to put it in context .

[BIWI]

I know what you mean, Mintyy. Part of the reason why in doing all this exercise is so that I am fit and healthy in my older years.

[jchocchip]

Hmmm my mum is 88 and my dd1 (19) has just moved back to her house for uni. Was there last year too... mum has another dgd who is nearly 2... but will never be able to have her for a week in the summer :( as she did for my dd when she was in her late 70's. Big generation gaps in our family.

[KeepCoolCalmAndCollected]

TwoTearsInABucket
Ah don't worry!
Btw you are very lucky that's the way it should be - I think so anyway!

[reup]

Isn't 67 the new retirement age?

[SirChenjin]

I would be surprised too - we're talking a total of 3 days here, right? And your children are 10 and 12, so don't need any real 'looking after' as such? MIL is 82, very active and alert and has our elder 2 (14 and 16) in the summer holidays for 5 days - she enjoys the company, they go out for lunches and she has them doing jobs around the house for her.

At 67 (the new age for retirement...) and 72 they should be perfectly capable of having their grandchildren to stay for a total of 3 days (ill health excepted obv).

[5madthings]

I think its surprising. Are they generally fit and healthy?

My mil is 72 and she has ds1(14) or ds2(11) to stay and ds3(8) not all at once, she has them individually for a couple of nights, this holiday it was ds2's turn. He had a lovely time and so did she.

My parents are younger but will also have the boys overnight, again one or two at a time. And my mums rule is they must be dry at night and sleeping through the night, which is totallyfair enough.

I wouldn't expect our family to have all four boys (dd still little and co-sleeping) as they can be full on.

But two children of those ages is fine surely?

I certainly want to be doing stuff like having my grandkids overnight etc, once their patents are happy to leave them, I wouldn't demand it! But will let them know the offer is there.

[Nanny0gg]

Maybe they love them but don't find it easy to interact with them?

[Trills]

They've clearly hit that stage of life where they get stuck in a routine and anything outside of that routine is "tiring". It's not physical tiredness, it's the effort of hauling yourself out of the rut and doing something different.

[CocktailQueen]

Do you mean three days each week or just three days? If the former, then fairy nuff. If the latter, then that's really sad. I enjoyed staying with my nana till I was in my teens and went to uni! Has there been an incident? What do your dc say?

[KeepCoolCalmAndCollected]

NannyOgg - good interaction comes with developing a good relationship. In order to do that, they need contact in the first place.

[MrsOakenshield]

my mother had had a heart attack by 67 (and my father was dead of a heart attack at 63) so not in the best of health, unfortunately. But she has cared one day a week for 4 years for my niece. I think she would find more than that a bit of a struggle (and to be honest, I don't think she'd want to do it, which is fair enough). It would be nice to think I could park DD with her for a few days come the school holidays, but I'm not depending on her feeling up to it (she'll be over 75 when that day comes).

Mil could probably do it, though she's not in great health either (ironically down to the fact that she did an absolute excess of childcare for the gcs abroad a few years back, and was so exhausted when she got home that her heart started to give her problems).

[yummymumtobe]

Sounds a bit weird - they're not old at all. Especially when there are 2 of them to share the caring. I find it so odd when Gp don't want to spend time with their children. My mum doesn't see looking after dd as 'work' - for her it's her favourite thing to do. I also used to spend a lot of time with my Gp.

[RhinestoneCowgirl]

My parents are 63 and 66 and had our DC to stay for a week this summer. DC are 4.5 and 7 yrs so still fairly high maintenance. I know it did tire them out, but I also know that they really enjoyed the time with their grandchildren, especially as we don't live close by.

They're both fit and healthy and have pretty active lives, the sort of life I hope to be leading at that age.

[RandomMess]

Mintyy realistically I've calculated that I may not have finished paying the mortgage off by 67 so I'll definitely still be working

Some people really do get stuck in a rut and stop living at a very young age I guess though. Really at 10 & 12 the would be more than capable of actually running around after the GPs.

My ILs can't be arsed to do much with my dcs, it makes me so sad and they're not quite 60!

[northernlurker]

I think it's a shame OP. My parents have just had my THREE dc to stay aged 15, 12 and 6. For a WEEK. And my mum has two new kittens to look after. Nobody said anything about being too tired though tbh I think my mum did leave it up to the dds to get their younger sister dressed etc. They had a good time though and as they live 100 miles away it's important for them to spend time together sometimes.

[LadyMilfordHaven]

lord - mine had mine through D and V and chicken pox ALL THREE

I am surprised by the GPS who attach conditions

[23balloons]

My 86 y o mil looks after my sil's kids regularly & stays when she goes a way for work to look after them. Kids are 8 & 10 she does it because she wants to even though it is exhausting. We live in a different country so she doesn't look after ours.

My Aunt looks after mine in some hols she is 72 & loves it too.

[Charlottehere]

I find astonishing how selfish some grandparents are.

[googietheegg]

My mum babysits as often as she can and her and my dad speak to my dd pretty much every day. Mil otoh barely acknowledges us from month to month and when she does visit just sits and reads until she has a picture taken with dd to show her friends. Then carries on reading. With a brief pause to tell me where I'm going wrong.

[ChunkyFicken]

Obviously a lone voice here, but I don't think it's selfish of the grandparents at all. There may be health reasons (which they don't want to bother the OP with) or maybe they worry the children are too old or whatever.

I am somewhat surprised that there seems to be a general assumption that having grandchildren stay over or looking after them equates with a wonderfully close relationship.

With a bit of imagination the bonds can be kept alive and thrive without having grandchildren stay over. Yes, I guess in an ideal world it would be easier if there were holidays at granny's but it's not an absolute.

But maybe, as a parent who has never, in nearly 20 years, had my children stay over with any grandparent I have a different take.

[skaen]

My mum has visibly struggled with having my 8 year old nephew to stay for a week so he ended up coming to me instead. She's 65.

To a certain extent though, the problems are down to her physical health and weight issues which make chasing round after an active child very difficult.

[Onebuddhaisnotenough]

If this is a sudden thing I'd wonder why ? They have perhaps developed some health issues ?
My ex in laws are shit grand parents. I feel sorry for them as my kids are the only grand children and they really don't 'know' them.

[Phineyj]

My parents are about the same age as your PILS and I don't think they'd want to have their GC to stay over for more than one night (or the whole family for two) because they find it tiring, especially my DM. Both my parents are in excellent health, touch wood, and my DM is very energetic, but she says setting up the beds, doing the extra laundry and cooking, arranging games and crafts and trips out is quite knackering. My DF feels she overdoes the entertainment and mutters darkly about how trips to the GP were very boring back in the day!

Feeling tired is subjective - I don't think it makes much sense to say 'well they shouldn't be tired by this because XYZ isn't'.

However, there's no reason you'll feel like this at their age - having your GC to stay may be higher up your list of priorities.

[Phineyj]

Of course it does depend on the child! The DC playing chess on his ipad described above sounds ideal...

[IceCreamForCrow]

My parents are similar age and have very very rarely had dc to stay (now aged 11 and 14). They've clearly never been able to manage it but wouldn't admit that. They don't mind staying over at ours or babysitting but having sleepovers at theirs has never really been on the agenda. They say they'd have one at a time but if we need babysitting that's not much help.

When I think my mum wasn't much older than I am now when I had dd1 I really think hmm to myself because the dc aren't a difficult bunch really, but well, if they don't want it, they don't want it. That's ok. I do feel rather when my mum edits all this out though when it suits her.