Mil (age 67) and fil (72) say they now find it "too tiring" to have our dc to stay for 3 days in the summer holidays

[Mintyy]

I'm a bit surprised. When I'm 67 I would hope to have the energy to hang out with a 10 year old and a 12 year old who require no more care than having their meals cooked and to be reminded to have a shower/go to bed (10 year old only).

Or is that unrealistic of me?

Mil is less than 17 years older than me to put it in context .

[Chubfuddler]

I also agree with frog watcher and am at a loss to know in what way she has been "thick".

[CharlotteCollinsismovingon]

OP, I asked earlier but will ask again as with your more recent posts it still seems a relevant question: is it possible for you to stay with them? Would that make it easier for your PILs?

[frogwatcher42]

Chub - I am thick generally. Tonight probably especially so as I have had a few glasses of wine!!!!

I don't mind. I think what it was is that I missed the point of the thread and annoyed a few people as I repeated myself whilst missing the point!

[MissBetseyTrotwood]

I had to go and stay with my GPs when I was around that age and they were pretty frail. I had to adapt; it's good for kids to follow a different set of rules and the GPs should be confident enough to explain they need a rest/for the noise to stop/for a tidy up to happen if that's what they're worried about. 3 days a year's not much to muck in on family life.

That said, my DM's a widow and suffers fatigue after surviving leukaemia. I wouldn't ask her to look after my two for more than a couple of hours. But a couple's a very different case I think.

[Mintyy]

Well, interesting as it is, what chunky has to say doesn't really have anything to do with my situation! Roffle at the idea of free childcare. Really, it amounts to a few hours without the dc in the holidays. Its no great shakes when your dc are at school and you are used to having hours without them all the time.

I am quite certain that my dc weren't badly behaved chub. Fil said to dh that they were a credit to us.

They could be using the "its too tiring" reason as an excuse not to have them next year. Fine. I am more worried that a 67 year old would find this fairly normal day to day activity tiring, tbh. Might get dh to question a bit more closely and check that everything is ok.

My dm (82) was saying just the other day how sad she is that she's never had the room to have them to stay, as she lives in a miniscule bungalow.

[TheFallenMadonna]

My PIL find my DC tiring, because they, well DD tbh, do not for their idea of how a child should be. There is a clash between their expectations and the reality. It is very hard for them, and hard for Dd too. We need to do something before next summer really...

[Mintyy]

Charlotte - yes, we could stay. But that doesn't really have much to do with my op either.

[CharlotteCollinsismovingon]

frog, I don't think you're being thick. The OP had a point in mind when starting the thread, but conversations sometimes take unexpected turns. And although she said it wasn't about childcare, the whole assumption of the thread that GPs have to spend time with GCs without the parents around does sounds like "free childcare" dressed up to look respectable as "bonding".

Someone said that upthread much better than I just did!

[Chubfuddler]

Perhaps you could explain what is and is not acceptable on your thread then op as everyone seems to be getting it so wrong.

[CharlotteCollinsismovingon]

But have you asked your PILs and have they said they would prefer that? That might get you closer to understanding where they're coming from - which was I think one of the points of your OP?

[Mintyy]

Anyfucker makes a good point: a lot of 67 year olds still work full time.

I am worried that my mil is becoming old before her time.

[DelayedActionMouseMaker]

Interested reading this because my mil has just confessed to us that its too tiring having us and he 2dc's for 4 days a year, and that's when we're there sorting all the kids stuff out.
My parents on the other hand would see us every day if they could, though of course they don't have to feed us etc...

I think once you have grown out of having kids or indeed other people around for whom you are responsible it takes a lot of effort to have to galvanise yourself all day...I personally find it knackering having guests for 3/4 days because I need an hours space for myself somewhere in the day for some brain rest and a snooze if I can fit one in, and I'm only 38. :o

[ChunkyFicken]

I think it's a bit more than a 'few' hours Mintyy. And sorry if my point was not on topic, but I do think there is an assumption grandparents should do x, y and z and if not there's a lot of bafflement etc. As per this thread.

And whether the intention is to bond/spend time with darling grandchildren or to help the parents, it still amounts to someone else looking after your kids. So I'd call that free childcare .

[DelayedActionMouseMaker]

Mne is around that age too minty and doesn't work, I do think just stopping like that without having anything to fill your time as you get older narrows your world irreversibly...which is very sad.

[Mintyy]

"And although she said it wasn't about childcare, the whole assumption of the thread that GPs have to spend time with GCs without the parents around does sounds like "free childcare" dressed up to look respectable as "bonding".

Well, what can I do if you insist on putting your own spin on it Charlotte?

[prettybird]

I'm 52 and will be having 8 12-13 year olds staying overnight next week as part of ds' 13th birthday party (rugby match followed by pizza and cake and non sleepover)

Easy to cope with as ds' room is on the attic and we can just shut the door to the noise

Re grandparents spending time with grandchildren, like maryz I really don't accept the stated ages as an issue, barring health or MH issues. If they don't want to, then of course, that is their prerogative - but they also need to accept that their relationship with their grandchildren will disappear as might their relationship with their son - and they forfeit the right to complain about it.

My dad regularly has is asked to look after his 3 year old twin grandchildren who are a real handful and would tire anyone out . 12 year old ds is a delight in comparison . Of course, he loves them all equally .

[Bumpotato]

The thing is, no one, including the GPs, are obliged to take our cherubs. If GPs don't fancy it, for whatever reason. The parent needs to suck it up.

[CharlotteCollinsismovingon]

Look, OP and Maryz and anyone else who expressed amazement at the "too tired" thing: I am a healthy 30-something, but quite introverted and being out of my comfort zone (with one other 30-something, let alone two pre-teens) tires me. That's ok - as AF says, it's possible to rest up before and after. But for me, three 14-hour days on the trot would be stressful. I would enjoy up to about 8 hours, I reckon. After that, too much.

I think it's quite possible that people feel more like that as they progress through their 60s. Which is not to say that all 60-somethings should feel like that, but that some might. People are very different from each other - why be amazed that some people are very different from you?

[Viviennemary]

It does seem a bit unreasonable of them to refuse to have your DC's for just three days. I think having children to stay is tiring if they are not used to it. Especially if they are the kind that need entertaining all the time and are always 'bored'.

[CharlotteCollinsismovingon]

And if I was prettybird's MIL and was told that I had to do a 3-day sleepover with her dcs or lose any chance of a relationship with them, I'd be pretty tbh.

[Nanny0gg]

Mne is around that age too minty and doesn't work, I do think just stopping like that without having anything to fill your time as you get older narrows your world irreversibly...which is very sad.

I am recently 'retired'. I am not yet 60. As I said, I see a terrific amount of my DGC, which I love. I also try and slot in a social life.

I don't want them staying overnight.

So shoot me.

[frogwatcher42]

Bumpotato - do you know you are right and summarise it well!

And to add to that, (and hopefully this time get the real point of the thread(!)), we have to remember that even as kids we all have different energy levels and find different things exhausting. Then as young adults we are the same. As older adults we are the same (I can work through the night etc but couldn't look after 30 children in a classroom - my friend needs her sleep or can't cope, but looks after 30 children in a classroom daily and finds it a doddle).

As grandparents we will find different things tiring, and have different energy levels. We will find different things do-able. As a worrier, I expect I will find looking after grandchildren exhausting as I will worry over everything. My dsis, who is the opposite of a worrier, will say what will be will be and the kids will run riot with her, have a ball, and she will not be tired!

Different horses for courses (or is it courses for horses!?!)

[Nanny0gg]

What CharlotteCollinsismovingon said.

[Chubfuddler]

My mother does look after grandchildren regularly but I am v concerned it is getting too much for her.

And ARF at the idea that a 67 year olds life is an empty husk if they are not either working or caring for grandchildren.