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Original poster

Yet another affair

43 replies

mumdaughter29 · 01/09/2013 01:07

Well i am sure you will be sick of me but i need some advice. 3 weeks ago i threw my husband out after discovering his 5 week affair with a married woman and he is now living with his parents. In the past few days i have noticed activity on his e-mail account. To cut it short i am only after printing out another e-mail from another married woman ' I love you baby, can you talk?' I want to confront him about this and let him know that i know everything now. My 3 teenage children are yet again disgusted and cannot believe he has continued another affair for the past year under our noses. Please advise me as i want to wipe that smarmy look off his face. Any advice?

OP posts:
WhiteandGreen · 01/09/2013 01:50

How do you know that you know everything? And how do your kids know?

Honestly? I'm not really sure how confronting him will help.

Hissy · 01/09/2013 08:17

Don't confront, divorce!

newbiefrugalgal · 01/09/2013 08:18

Your kids shouldn't be involved -sorry just my thoughts.
Kick him out for good.

kalidanger · 01/09/2013 08:23

Don't get mad, get even.

Have you seen a solicitor?

OctopusPete8 · 01/09/2013 08:28

I would focus on quietly compiling all the email evidence for a divorce.

by all means confront after.

Lonecatwithkitten · 01/09/2013 08:33

I would you just progress to divorce, but remind your children that this is about your relationship with him no theirs. He clearly doesn't want to make the marriage work and you will be happier without him. I am.

desperateforaholiday · 01/09/2013 08:37

Just start divorce proceedings, print off any evidence to take the solicitors.
Engaging in points scoring will just end up making you feel shit in the end, walk away with your dignity now.

Xales · 01/09/2013 09:29

I understand you are angry and hurting but you won't achieve anything this way.

You already know he is a cheating bastard. He knows you know this because you found out and threw him out. Confronting him is just going to make that smarmy look bigger. If he hasn't got rid of it after being caught with the first one he sure as hell isn't going to get rid of it when more come out of the woodwork.

As your kids are teenagers they can arrange any contact direct with your H. Cut him out of your life, he is nothing to do with you any more. Any communication can be through solicitors.

The only thing you could do is forward the emails onto each of the other married women. They have a right to know that the man they are screwing is also screwing others to protect their sexual health. Not that they deserve it really but it would be good of you to make them aware of how sexually incontinent he has been and what risks they have taken.

Get a good solicitor and get a divorce under way.

Get to an STI clinic and get a complete check up for your own well being.

Most importantly keep your poor kids out of it. As teenagers they can know the bare facts but at the end of the day he is their dad. He may have messed you around but he is still their dad. They don't need to see or know more than the basics.

Original poster
mumdaughter29 · 01/09/2013 11:33

Just replying to messages. My children are very mature teenagers aged 18 and twins nearly 16. They said to me that if their dad could do this what else has he been up to. So we all logged into husband's account and the proof was there about the year long affair. My children agree that my husband should be confronted as why should he think he has got away with this. They have even said that the past holidays,birthdays and christmas's are all based on lies....he was having an affair and then coming home and sitting at the table as a family knowing he had been with either woman that afternoon or going to be with either at night after dinner! My children do not want direct contact with their dad as they do not want to spend time alone with him as he has not even apologised to them for the 1st affair. I have told them that he is still their dad and that this is to do with me and not them ....and they said it has everything to do with them as we are a family and he has ruined this by not being able to keep it in his pants!

OP posts:
ageofgrandillusion · 01/09/2013 11:52

Keep the kids out of it, it is not their problem.

maleview70 · 01/09/2013 12:47

Don't involve the kids in your plans....

It's you he doesn't want not them!

HerdyHerdwick · 01/09/2013 13:02

"We all logged into husband's account" ? I'm horrified that you'd let your children be involved in that. Please stop dragging them into it.

pregnantpause · 01/09/2013 13:18

Start divorce proceedings. He is a liar and a cheat, confronting him will change nothing, if you've already chucked him out then the main exposure and his disclosure has been had. He didn't tell you the truth then, what will confronting him achieve now? It sounds like your DC are very angry and hurt by all of this, now is the time to teach them how to deal with their emotions, how to cope with disappointment and move on. Snooping and confronting after the fact is pointless and avoiding moving on and grieving what's gone.

str8tothepoint · 01/09/2013 13:22

it's your children's decision whether they want to speak or have any future with their father not yours, dragging them into a fight with your 'husband' just to score points is desperate. Just get rid of him, sort it out via solicitors and your children decide what they want to. Yes it hurts for you and your kids, why do you need to know everything, he cheated, he's done wrong, you and him are over, why go into looking for yet more ways of hurting yourself. Focus on the future

CatsWearingTutus · 01/09/2013 16:38

Your children may act mature but they are kids and should not know about or in any way be involved in the dirty laundry of your relationship with their father - that's the kind of thing that leaves deep scars and can easily lead them to having trouble with relationships of their own when they are adults. I know you are hurting but involving your children is unacceptable and very selfish. Hopefully you have friends or adult family members to confide in I stead.

ALittleStranger · 01/09/2013 16:54

Your kids do not sound very mature from your account. They sound like typical 16 and 18 year olds.

BellEndTent · 01/09/2013 17:20

Agree with Cats. You must be really hurting and in need of support and my heart goes out to you but please don't tell the teenage children any more than they need to know.

My parents did this kind of thing to me as a teenager when they divorced. They let me in on private, sordid stuff and at one point I had to break the news to my dad of one of my mum's affairs (I thought he knew) ambd deal with him crying on me which was horrible. Although I handled if very well at the time, I wasn't mature enough to deal with it and had a lot of issues with relationships for some years afterwards.

Vivacia · 01/09/2013 17:33

I don't think it reflects well on you that you've allowed your children to be involved like this. They are your (pl.) children, not your (sing.) mates.

As to what to do, what do you want the outcome to be? Reconciliation or divorce?

dontlaugh · 01/09/2013 17:37

I've BEEN your children. Leave them out of it. It is beyond unfair.

ALittleStranger · 01/09/2013 17:48

OP you're clearly angry about your husband but several posters here are telling you you have a blind spot over your own behaviour towards your children. That is all.

maleview70 · 01/09/2013 18:00

And a private message for me now! Anyone else?

Clearly touched a raw nerve!

ALittleStranger · 01/09/2013 18:04

Yes, here. That's what my last msg responded to. I don't really want a private conversation about someone's ex. Confused

WhiteandGreen · 01/09/2013 18:05

Yes, I got a PM too. My very first!

Original poster
mumdaughter29 · 01/09/2013 18:09

Clearly you and other posters have said not to involve my children and i didnt involve them...their father did when as i said before he is an incontinent alcoholic who would look at porn while they were in the same room! And that was before he was incontinent in front of them. Their father said to them when he was found out that 'i am sorry that i got caught but i would still be having this affair if i hadn't got found out' and did he think of OW husband when he was having affair and their kids? No, i do not want him back as my children need to know that not all fathers cheat on their wives and that this is unacceptable. He didn't want to spend time with our children as all his time was spent at the gym and servicing his OW...my children said 'dad didn't want to spend time with us' So i will sign off as i am going to spend quality time with my kids and yet again tell them that their father loves them....the man who hasn't contacted them in 25 days!

OP posts:
maleview70 · 01/09/2013 18:10

Why post on a forum for opinions and then when you don't like the opinion you get all worked up about it?

Weird.