DP bumming cigarettes... AIBU?

[SlumberingDormouse]

I don't mind my DP smoking - both my parents smoke - but tonight embarrassed me. On our way home he tried very politely to bum cigarettes off two people. The first person declined but was nice about it; the second just said 'no' very rudely and glared at DP (which in my opinion is understandable, as cigarettes are VERY expensive). It was clear to me from the second person's body language that he was never going to give DP a cigarette; DP says that he noticed this but ignored it.

I pointed out that I felt very embarrassed in this situation as I was with my DP. To me, this is out and out begging. DP said it is like getting a cigarette off a friend - but to me it's really not! Approaching a stranger in the street is different, especially when that stranger clearly doesn't want to be disturbed.

I said to my DP that he should either buy more cigarettes, or leave people alone in the street. He has now gone off in a huff. AIBU?! I'm embarrassed!

I always give someone a fag when they ask, it doesn't happen very often. it must be a smoker thing.

I don't give my fags out to people who try to scrounge them. Buy your own and make them last!

I do exchange them with people who offer to 'buy' one off you -- I'm quite happy to settle for ten pence, at least the transaction feels honest.

I could never scrounge a fag off a stranger.

YANBU, it's not acceptable behaviour in my book.

How very odd, where there no shops open?

Why didn't he buy some?

Is he 14yo ?

Seriously, what a child!

It works out about 45p for a cigarette. Would he go up and ask randoms for money for his bus fare? Or to buy a Kit Kat?

He sounds like a right tit.

Why doesn't he buy his own

How is it like getting a cigarette off a friend?

They're not a friend; they're a complete stranger...!

No shops open in our part of town at midnight. I agree; it just feels like begging when it's from a stranger...

It is begging, you are correct

Oh well, if the shops are shut then I can't see the problem in asking. As long as he offered to pay? And get himself organised next time so he doesn't need to ask.

I'll generally share my cigs if the person wanting one asks nicely, nice to be nice & all that.

I've happily given people roll ups when they have asked. Although it doesn't happen very often which is why I don't mind. I guess 'proper' fags are more expensive though.

YANBU OP. If your DP wouldn't ask for money/drinks/food from strangers, why ask for tabs?

In my smoking days, I'd always have an emergency pack back home. It might have been dodgy loose tobacco off some bloke in the pub, but I'd not ever have been short of something to smoke once I reached home & until the shops opened.

If you are an addicted smoker, you do this & so have no need to pester strangers.

If you're just a 'social' smoker, it's no big deal to go without - so you have no need to pester strangers.

I reckon it would be OK to offer someone 50p for a fag in unforeseen circumstances ie. you thought you had another pack then realised in coat at work sort of thing, but not just to mooch, & it shouldn't be a routine behaviour.

FFS it goes like this.

DH: Could I buy a cigarette from you?

Stranger: Don't worry about it, here you go.

At least, that's how it went 10 years ago when I gave up.

For some reason it's more socially acceptable to ask perfect strangers to give you a cigarette than it would be to ask for 50p or a bite of their sandwich although they are hideously expensive. I always used to give people a rollie if they asked but they are so much cheaper than a cigarette. I would have been embarrassed by him too OP it's just a bit much. He needs to be better organised if he's that addicted.

But the thing is, if it's after midnight and the shops are closed, the stranger doesn't want 50p or a quid or whatever to 'cover the cost of the fag'. They just want the fag! They don't want to give one of their precious sticks to a complete stranger, as the actual cigarette is way more valuable to them.

Chances are, the people he asked only had one or two left, and didn't want to spare them, even if the scrounger offered up a tenner. A tenner would be no use if it wasn't going to be able to actually buy a replacement cigarette.

I used to be a social smoker, and I always, always ensured I had enough for my night out. If I didn't, I went without. I dunno, you just don't ask actual smokers (unless they're a mate and you know they have plenty) for cigarettes like that. It's bad form.

Ehric's post reminded me that once someone did ask me for a bite of my kebab, and yelled all manner of swear words when I refused.

Bumming fags off strangers just makes me imagine a slum. I would be embarrassed if anyone I was with did that. YANBU

Awful behaviour.

When I lived in London I would have had to buy a pack of cigarettes every week just to give one to everyone who asked. What your DP may not realise is that people ask smokers all the time for cigarettes if you are smoking on the street, it becomes very wearing.

Conversely, I would give one to someone if they offered to buy one off me, but I never took the money. That is not begging, it is polite.

The worst ones were people who had had a few drinks and didn't take no for an answer. They would be treated to the angry stare your DP experienced. Just because I smoke and they smoke does not mean we are friends, or even in some sort of "club". It is just annoying.

If he can't afford to smoke, why doesn't he just stop smoking?

^^ And I say that as someone who smoked 30 a day for 10 years.

I thought this only happened when on a night out.

You offer to pay and the person says dont worry about it.

Its normally a light I'm asking for