i slapped ds

[MadEyeMoodyBitch]

Feeling absolutely sick. Was changing ds, he is 2 and 3 months, he was wriggling, but nothing even that bad, I suddenly snapped and shouted at him to stop moving and slapped the inside of his thigh so hard it left a red mark.

No idea where that came from, i have been a bit cranky all day but no reason to be.

I am terrified I'm an abusive parent. Every few days I shout. I have pushed him before. This is the worst thing I have ever done, I am terrified of normalizing it and starting to hit etc all the time.

Please help, is there anyone who has been through this and made changes and become a better parent.

MadEye, I read your post yesterday and had to come back to it today. I am so so pleased to see you have had lots of support and suggestions, and that you are going to the GP. What I had been going to say was that I vividly recall slapping my 18mo on the leg one day during a rolling around nappy change and recoiling and feeling physically sick. I just lost it. I had a baby as well who just didn't sleep and i was shattered, not that DS1 should have bourne the brunt of that. I sat on the couch and cried and cried and realised I had crossed a big line. I was too afraid to say anything to anyone, afraid I would be judged instead of helped I guess. What I did was physically remove myself from the babies even just by a few feet whenever i was really cross. It worked for me. What I also wanted to say though was that we had DD a couple of years later when the boys were 3 and 4 and i have never ever felt like that with her. It was a situational thing, I was beyond tired and juggling two wee tots. I am not a bad person, and nor are you, and nor are we bad parents. It is a big step to get help, I salute you lady! I raise my tea and my TimTam to you.

MadEye - I'm so glad we've convince you.

I have felt very emotional since I've seen the doc and keep crying I think it's to do with the fact I'm no longer spending energy Pretending everything's fine.

Good luck xx