WTF is going on?

[kjbee]

Hi all. Forgive me for barging in here at bleep o'clock in the morning and venting, but I think I'm honestly losing my mind.

Stuck at future in laws with my DCs, DF being really horrible to me. There was a scene earlier. I escaped to read to my DCs for a couple of hours. I was looking at train times (I don't drive, felt like I needed an escape route), he told me not to worry about it because he was going back to my house to get his stuff (subtext-leave) tomorrow anyway.

He used to be lovely but over the two weeks he has turned into a completely different person. Last week he gave up smoking and said that he wasn't going to stand for all my shit anymore, and that he used to smoke to take five minutes to convince himself that I'm not the massive bitch I make myself out to be. Can't sleep. Just want everything to be ok but it's not going to be. Horrible horrible horrible.

OP Is it possible for you to come back and perhaps give a fuller picture? What you describe is horrible - but it is frustratingly hard to offer support without understanding how you got to here.

You don't seem to want to say how you paid all your other bills before he moved in. So lets assume that money came from another source - that was no longer available once you had a live in partner. I appreciate that living with him might initially have seemed a more palatable option....

But he has dumped you once before, is now bad mouthing you in his parents' house and only his mother seems keen on this relationship. It sounds harsh, I'm sorry, but is this really what you want for your children?

maybe his mother prefer you to take care of him that her

I bet in her eyes it is worth some her money :)

as others say - we don't have full picture so impossible to advise

He is a horrible man.

All the things he resents you for: they were HIS choice. He is blaming you because he can't take responsibility for his own actions.

He calls you a "stupid fucking bitch".

I don't even want to list the rest. Leave him. Just... leave. You don't need to stay stuck at the future IL's playing nice and smoothing things over and pretending it's all ok. Borrow the money from a friend for train fare? Just go. You have a right to a happier life than this. You say you were financially independent before he came into your life to fuck things up and mess with your head. You can be financially independent again. You can be FREE. You are clearly a smart and capable woman who was able to run her own home and raise her own children without his "help" before, and you can do so again.

I wish you all the best.

If the OP has dependant children then presumably part of her income before this man moved in was from child/and/or working tax credits. When he became resident this has to be declared as joint income whether or not he is the dc's father

You're going round and round op. he's horrible. He's controlling. This is going nowhere. You need to make an exit plan and execute it.

He woke up the next morning and was apologetic. I told him that what he was doing was abusive and if he carried on then we were dead in the water. Not a threat, just how it was. He was scared shitless. He's not been perfect, but it's been better. He's also given up smoking weed apparently, fwiw.

Dearjackie is right. Before he became part of household I was in receipt of working tax credits, child tax credits and some housing ben. Now that he is part of the household, we no longer qualify. Hope that explains things.

I am paying the rent because he is paying his mortgage and absolutely everything else.

Thanks everyone.

I know that it looks really black and white here, but, like everything, it's a lot more nuanced.

It was my birthday today. I caught up with my mum and told her everything. She raised me by herself, I know that I don't have to stand for this shit. She was upset, but ultimately thinks that it's our domestic and financial situation doing the damage, compounded by his stopping smoking. She thinks that maybe all this needed to come to a head.

I don't know. He wrote some really lovely words in my card and gave me lovely presents but seemed in a right mood and went to bed for the entire afternoon. I'm tearful. When he asks me what's going on I say "The last two weeks have been some of the hardest of my life."

He says that they haven't been easy for him either. I say well at least he wasn't being called a fucking stupid bitch at his in laws.

Prick.

Are you back home yet?

None of this makes sense. Why haven't you finished him and told him to leave?

It looks black and white because it is.

I have some abivce for you:

Chose a life partner that is supportive during the worst times, one that will come together to get thru it as a team.

That is not this man and you can not relie on him in bad times.

Noone that loves and respects you will ever call you names. He did and he does not love or respect you.

The relationship your children see will be normal for them and they will repeat it in their own love life. Do you have a dd? Cos she will think its fine for her boyfriend to call her a fucking bitch.

Being sorry will not stop it happening again, it does not stop it being wrong.

You are not responsable for his desions, its tough that he is in dedt and.the relationship failed, he should have been nicer. Dont let him guilt trip you it was his choice.

This relationship is wrong and you need to end it.