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Original poster

Do i believe him?

40 replies

wandymum · 16/08/2013 20:15

DH told me this morning to expect him back late tonight as it's his work annual Summer party.

A colleague of his has just phoned looking for him (he's a workaholic so would usually be at work still at this time of the evening). When I said he was probably on his way to the party - colleague was very confused and said that was last night not tonight.

So I phoned and left a message on DH's mobile. He rang straight back (which is suspicious in itself as he never returns my calls). He says yes there was a party last night but that was for the whole department and there is another one tonight for a select subset.

Do I believe him? Our relationship is pretty crap at the moment but I wouldn't have pinned him as a cheater (can't imagine he'd have the time to be honest as all he ever thinks about is his career).

He was particularly smartly dressed and spent ages 'grooming' this morning too.

OP posts:
Xales · 16/08/2013 20:22

He may not be lying. A select subset could be him and one female co worker...

However he clearly intended for you to think it was the works party tonight. That is not good.

Did he go to the party last night? I cant see why a company would have 2 in a row myself.

That plus the additional grooming makes me think he is up to no good.

Original poster
wandymum · 16/08/2013 20:23

No he didn't go last night but then he doesn't usually go to them - mainly because he can't drag himself away from the desk - or so he tells me...

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 16/08/2013 20:27

It's odd that you didn't know about the 'select subset' party.

Be on your guard.

Lweji · 16/08/2013 20:29

I would't...

CoffeeandScones · 16/08/2013 20:31

Smells like horseshit. Sorry OP, if there's a plausible explanation then great...

Quiltcover · 16/08/2013 20:31

Two work nights out in a row is unusual. Even if it us a subset the second night, they would usually be spread out.

Does he often 'groom' himself for work?

Original poster
wandymum · 16/08/2013 20:32

Thanks - the thing that makes me tend to believe him is that he regularly works really late (early hours of the morning) so I don't see why he'd need to lie about there being a party even if he were having an affair. He's hardly ever here and I always just assume he's at work so he'd have no need of an excuse.

The only thing really making me wonder is that he called me back and was unusually nice on the phone...

OP posts:
JustBecauseICan · 16/08/2013 20:32

Why is he going to this (supposed) party tonight if he doesn't normally go?

Sounds dodgy to me.

BadgersRetreat · 16/08/2013 20:33

he might not be cheating, but he is certainly up to something.

KnittedC · 16/08/2013 20:36

Do you know for sure that when he is 'working late' he is actually working late?

Original poster
wandymum · 16/08/2013 20:39

KnittedC - no, no idea what he is doing. He is the boss and has a well paid job so I've just assumed that he was doing.

OP posts:
OctopusPete8 · 16/08/2013 20:40

Hmm smells funny to me, what did you say to him at home.

Original poster
wandymum · 16/08/2013 20:41

I'm sort of friends with the wife of one of the people who works for DH and am tempted to sound her out and see if she knows what is going on. But if it turns out there is a party DH will go mental that I've checked up on him.

OP posts:
MexicanHat · 16/08/2013 20:46

He works until the early hours of the morning? How often? He's hardly ever at home? Unusually nice to you? Sounds pretty dire OP.

Trust your instincts.

ImperialBlether · 16/08/2013 20:51

OP, I don't want to be funny but it's not always a good idea to believe what you're told.

How many jobs involve someone working till the small hours of the morning in a job where everyone else goes home at 5 or 6?

He lied to you about the party. Now why would he do that? He never goes to the party and he didn't go to the party last night, either. This party is just a party for two.

I'm really sorry. You have trusted him but it seems he isn't trustworthy.

ImperialBlether · 16/08/2013 20:52

How much do you trust the woman? Could you trust her not to speak to her husband about what's going on? Could you trust her to tell you if you've heard he's seeing someone? Don't forget her husband works for your husband - would he lose his job if your husband found he was telling tales?

JacqueslePeacock · 16/08/2013 20:54

This doesn't sound at all good to me, sorry.

MissStrawberry · 16/08/2013 20:55

Alarm bells ringing very loudly.

Lied to you. Was very nice to you (he should be always, he is your husband!) Grooms himself before work.

Listen to your gut.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 16/08/2013 21:21

He's hardly ever here?

So where us he the majority of the time?

Original poster
wandymum · 16/08/2013 21:38

He is usually at work. I'm sure he's there normally because he answers his work phone. He works in the city and crazy hours are quite common.

It does seem odd this evening but just can't fathom why he'd lie. Much easier to just say he was working if he was up to something?

He is often an arse to me but having an affair would be a new one.

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 16/08/2013 22:12

How is he an arse to you?

cozietoesie · 16/08/2013 22:15

People who are not practiced liars usually make mistakes when they do it.

How does he mistreat you?

Original poster
wandymum · 16/08/2013 22:24

He doesn't really mistreat me - just shows no interest. Works all the time and gets annoyed if I ask him to spend more time with me and the DCs. I had bad PND after dc2 and begged him to take time off work to help me but he wouldn't. Forgets anniversaries, to come home early when I've arranged to go out etc..

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 16/08/2013 22:28

I hadn't clicked that you had DCs.

It sounds as if he's been treating you as a glorified housekeeper. (Well not that glorified to be honest.)

Fairenuff · 16/08/2013 22:30

It does seem odd this evening but just can't fathom why he'd lie

Well, you just said yourself that you are sure of when he's at work because he answers his work phone. He wouldn't be able to do that if he weren't there would he.

So if he said he was at work when, in fact, he was out with another woman and you rang him at work and found out that he wasn't there, he would be rumbled.

That's why he would lie.