Any other singletons feel like this sometimes?

[GetStuffezd]

I've been single for about six years, barring a few 4-6month relationships which were, without exception, very ill-judged. Plenty of "flings" overnthe years though, which has stopped me going completely crackers! I have no dc and have never wanted to, so that's not an issue.

I genuinely love being single and have a great job, nice home and a couple of beautiful cats (just to add to the teacher/spinster stereotype!) And even better ive reached that place where I wouldn't even consider dating someone who set off my spidey senses or didn't treat me respectfully.

But sometimes I just feel so frustrated and tired, trying to do everything all on my own. When things go wrong there's no helping hand to work together with and sort stuff out. Nobody to talk things through and to bounce ideas off.

Maybe I just sound lonely. I dont have may friends due to moving around the country frequently. and as i approach my 30's im now finding more and more people i do get on with are settling down amd having families. (i dont begrudge them that, obviously!) I would like to date someone but in my job meeting men is almost impossible. Have tried OD and discovered I'm a pervert-magnet. I don't know. I'm sorry for the rant. I just have so much to do and sort out. Everything seems such a battle sometimes and i just wish sometimes there was someone to share the load with.

I'm not single, but just wanted to post to offer sympathy. You shouldn't feel sorry for ranting! (isn't that what mumsnet is for?!)

If it's any consolation, as a coupled-up person I do on occasion feel like I'm doing the work of two people... like if P is being a bit useless about cooking (frequent) I have to cook & wash up for 2 people, instead of just cooking for myself!

Do you really want to meet somebody GetStuffzd? It sounds a bit like you're happy being single most of the time. Is it anything to do with seeing your friends settle down that's making you feel like this?

What dating sites do you use? I think it makes a difference. A friend of mine who used one where you have to pay for a subscription (Guardian Soulmates) met his long-term partner there. The friends who use free ones (plenty of fish, okCupid) don't seem to have much success other than getting loads of funny stories to tell down the pub...

Know what you mean. . There's a lot of us in the 'reluctantly single' boat, you're not alone.

Thanks you two. I appreciate you posting. I'm not desperate to meet someone, hence my half arsed attempts at OD. I've tried Match, OkCupid and POF but it's really not for me, I don't think. And yes, lots of horror stories from my experiences!
It could well be partly to do with lack of friends and seeing the friends I do have settling down. I'm in no rush to do all that though. I just want...someone to share the load with and do nice things for. For example I LOVE cooking. Love it. But it's just pointless for one.

Walk thanks for the hand squeeze. I'm a bit at starting such a self indulgent thread now, but I'm just feeling a bit weepy.

Money problems not helping. Lent my mum £300 which is an entire month's spending money, now she can't give it back til Sept and my LL is withholding my deposit. So im housebound for the rest of the month, on my summer holiday. i dont even have petrol. That's another thread though. But, you get what I mean about needing someone to share problems with.

Oh that's awful about being housebound on your hols. Can see how that might make you feel a bit weepy!

Do you live somewhere where there are places to walk? Or somewhere to ride a bike?

Have some xx

I feel your pain! Ive been single for over two years and its hard work at times. There is no one to share housework, do the garden, DIY or fix things that get broken. I work full time and it seems my weekends are spent doing chores.

I do have a good friend network however so do get to go out a couple of times a week so don't feel lonely. And I also have three cats to complete the stereotype!

Are you friends with your neighbours? I have made a huge effort to get to know them and can now invite them over for dinner. Maybe try inviting a few for some drinks initially just to see how it goes.

and as i approach my 30's im now finding more and more people i do get on with are settling down amd having families.

OMG, you're so young! I had pictured you being middle-aged with your talk of cats etc. This time next year your life will most probably be completely different.

Of course it's normal to love being single but sometimes wish you had someone to take up a bit of the slack....was that your question?

I've kind of got the best of both worlds. Newly single (divorced), but with an ex that helps loads with stuff that needs doing around the house/ with the kids.

I have been a lone parent for over 13 years and not had a proper date for over 7. I too am, on the whole, fine alone but I am having a melt down right now as I can't cope anymore.

It is so hard sometimes being alone, and being a lone parent even harder. It would be lovely to she my woes with people who could give me a kick up the arse and tell me to stop moaning; reading threads here make me glad to be single to be honest.

I find not being wanted hard too.

Don't feel bad for moaning. We all need to

Honestly, thank you all for replying.
Krunk I do live somewhere very picturesque so walking is very doable and I should do more. Actually, the previous tenants of my house left a ladies bicycle here...that would take a bit of courage though, I haven't been on a bike for years!
DENMAN That's precisely it with having nobody to share chores with! Funnily enough, my neighbour has just pooped over for a tea. She's in her 50's but a great laugh and SO funny to chat to. So that was really nice. Apart from her I only really have 2 friends and they're not very close. They are wonderful though and both understand singledom.
MyChild That sounds quite useful! And yes, that's basically my moan!
Shiney Are you ok? I can't even contemplate feeling like this but with a child. It must take a hell of a lot of energy. And YES to the not being wanted. I feel that quite acutely at the moment.

Thanks all, I feel a bit of an arse for moaning, but I really appreciate the lovely responses. Off to kick myself up the arse now!

I go from feeling completely alone and despairing to feeling fine and pretty happy- especially reading what some poor posters on here go through with arsehole partners.

I think spending long stretches alone can affect mood and no money must be a nightmare. Can you sell anything on eBay or amazon?

Your neighbour sounds lovely! Just keep talking to them all and you may find a really good friend network right on your doorstep. It can be hard to make new friends but if you make the effort it does work. :)

Hi get stuffed.....why don't you make your friends closer? They may not be able to do all of your chores for you but they can at least share more of the day to day stuff. I move around a lot too and when I moved here, I made friends with a neighbour and she quickly became the one who sat with me on random evenings catching up about the trivia and we helped eah other work out what to do. Sadly she had some issues so it didnt last but if I ever found that again with a woman I'd def hang onto it for it really solved that feeling you describe. Just having someone to care about the minutiae and share it. Man or no man a girl needs a few friends like that on my book, also if you are only just approaching your thirties then you have YEARS yet. I am approaching my forties!!! Only just met a decent man!! Xx

joblot absolutely, reading on here sometimes makes my problems seem very trivial in comparison! I have virtually nothing left to sell, I did that to raise cash for moving. I am just going to have to nag on at my mum, which is hard to do without getting angry.

somethingtosay I actually mean they're not close in proximity!
One is about 20 miles away so we do have a good catch up most weekends, but the other is 250 miles away and I really miss her. My neighbour is good fun though and I think she's been quite lonely out here in the sticks, as she is alone too. Thanks for posting, you're right about friends. I think I need to find some new friends instead of thinking it has to be a man. Glad you found someone!

"Have tried OD and discovered I'm a pervert-magnet."

I wonder if the perverts in online dating get sent perverted pics and emails too. Perhaps they would see the error of their ways if this was the case and start sending bunny rabbit e-cards to everyone.

On topic though, being single can help you to sort out what you really want from your life, without the distractions of other people getting in the way.

I have some friends whose children are coming to the age of leaving home and they're now starting to worry about what they're going to do with the rest of their lives once it's just the two of them again.

Everyone has occasional doubts in their lives.

I've been single most of my life, and while I do appreciate being able to do what I want mostly when I want, there are times when it would be nice for someone else to do the washing up, mow the lawn and take the bins out. And for sex. But then I'm also aware that there are people living in families who can think just the same, and at least I don't have anyone else here that I can be resentful about for not doing their share.

Most of my friends are not local (I'll be catching up with a couple at the weekend, which I'm getting all excited about!) and I've not been very successful in making other friends locally.

But I do wish there was someone here to give me a hug after a crap day at work, or just to bounce ideas off for what else can I do for work, things like that. I completely get where you're coming from, and I did have a major dip earlier in the year when two of my oldest friends forgot my birthday, which on top of work rubbishness and a couple of other things was just too much, and I know other times I'd just shrug my shoulders.

Haven't got any ideas, but I do understand and have sympathy.

I know what you mean about feeling completely fine but just CBA to do all the bloody jobs on your own.

I decided that I was going to hire a handy man. So for a day or 2 a month depending on what needs doing, said eager man comes round while I am at work and does all the jobs that I hate doing - e.g he fixed a wobbly tap recently, an oven door, a shelf and a lock.

I cannot tell you the joy I have got from this

The best £50 I spend in the month.

I have been single 2.5 years and find the maintenance of the house difficult, and I just don't know how to do most of the stuff - I know I could learn but I have other priorities - there is just so much to do.

And I refuse for DIY to become a motivating factor in getting a man although thinking about it....

Much sympathy here too.

I do have DC but have been single most of my life. I don't have any family other than the DC, who are now young men. I have lots of friends, I am rarely stuck for things to do, but sometimes it all seems so bloody relentless, and everything, everyone, depends on me. And that is bloody tiring.

I miss having someone on my side. I was thinking today about my former best male friend. Some years ago, when we were still close, and worked together, I realised on Xmas Eve I had (possibly) fucked something up at work. Kept me awake worrying all night - he text me to say Happy Xmas, and I replied telling him about it. His immediate reply was don't worry I'll take the blame and say it was my fault. Don't let it spoil your Xmas.

I wouldn't have let him (as it turned out it was only a tiny fuck-up which I sorted myself) but I remember feeling so touched someone would put themselves out for me, or even offer to. That kind of thing almost never happens to me, I just have to manage everything.

And it is hard.

Just to add, I have shit luck at OD too. Took me nearly 4 years to find anyone who wanted more than 1 date. Then after a few months, he dumped me by silence. Can't face another 4 years without success so am giving it a swerve for now.

I felt exactly like this for years... while living with my partner! Have started separation process ...

And I refuse for DIY to become a motivating factor in getting a man although thinking about it....

Yeah, I basically want a housework slave, I sometimes think...

Yes, house slave = utopia

much like many men have in marriages

I live in a ramshackle, half-finished house. I'd love to have some help to finish it, I just can't manage it on my own.

Would be nice to meet a man who was keen on DIY. But as men generally aren't interested in me, guess I'll have to keep saving my money for a builder!

Oh that's tough op. I'm sorry. If you're in west yorks you're welcome to join me for a free and healthy dog walk.

Oh christ Im dreading xmas already.

Another one dreading Christmas, but double dreading New Year, and then hot on the heels of that God-awful day, is Valentine's Day, and then my birthday...I hate them all.

No one to go to Xmas, and New Year parties with, or exchange presents with, Valentine's make me want to heave, and my birthday is just shit as the last time I had a proper celebration was 17 years ago; I even got dumped on my 40th!

I definitely feel like that from time to time. Most of the time I love that my life is fairly free and easy and I'm answerable to no-one. But I've moved many times and almost every time I've had to do it on my own. I envy my friends who have partners/spouses and someone to share the hard work with. I miss having someone to snuggle up with in the evenings, someone to cook for from time to time.

Most of my friends aren't far from me, but far enough to make any visits need advance planning. I recently left a bunch of good friends when I moved for work, and I miss them and their easy company. I'll hopefully be seeing them for NY.

I could definitely cope with taking a lover for the winter, as it were, but I'm not sure about anything more than that. Would depend on the person - perhaps someone as independent as me.

So shiney do you have a plan? I had a shocker last year, really want to get this one nailed. Am rather idea-free at the moment.

And yes birthdays are bobbins. It's mine next week, and I'm not feeling it. Friends are asking what I want and what I'm doing but I've turned into scrooge. What a miserable git I am.

Posted too soon. Being dumped on your 40th that is just so shitty, given all the emotion around that milestone. Very sorry that happened to you