Any other singletons feel like this sometimes?

[GetStuffezd]

I've been single for about six years, barring a few 4-6month relationships which were, without exception, very ill-judged. Plenty of "flings" overnthe years though, which has stopped me going completely crackers! I have no dc and have never wanted to, so that's not an issue.

I genuinely love being single and have a great job, nice home and a couple of beautiful cats (just to add to the teacher/spinster stereotype!) And even better ive reached that place where I wouldn't even consider dating someone who set off my spidey senses or didn't treat me respectfully.

But sometimes I just feel so frustrated and tired, trying to do everything all on my own. When things go wrong there's no helping hand to work together with and sort stuff out. Nobody to talk things through and to bounce ideas off.

Maybe I just sound lonely. I dont have may friends due to moving around the country frequently. and as i approach my 30's im now finding more and more people i do get on with are settling down amd having families. (i dont begrudge them that, obviously!) I would like to date someone but in my job meeting men is almost impossible. Have tried OD and discovered I'm a pervert-magnet. I don't know. I'm sorry for the rant. I just have so much to do and sort out. Everything seems such a battle sometimes and i just wish sometimes there was someone to share the load with.

"Another one dreading Christmas, but double dreading New Year, and then hot on the heels of that God-awful day, is Valentine's Day, and then my birthday...I hate them all."

This is another reason why bears have it so much easier than us humans; they can hibernate through all these events.

joblot, at least people are asking what you want. Mine just forgot about mine this year, which really hurt.

MMan wouldn't it be great to hibernate. The cold and dark makes being alone worse I think.

Not read the full thread yet, but GetStuffezd are you me?? Seriously. I'm not a teacher and I do want children, but everything else from your post is the same as me!

Off to read the rest of the thread...

Caught up. There's so many of us in the same position.

I've been feeling really grumpy these last few weeks, I'm 30 in a couple of weeks and just feel flat. My life is good, in general, but I do have times (and they seem to be happening more often) where I just feel sad. Feel like I should be more grateful about my life but I'm surrounded by people who I know want the best for me, but asking me whether I've met anyone yet makes me feel like there's a void in my life. When in reality there isn't, I don't think.

I recently met a nice guy (not OD - gave up on that) went on a few dates, had a nice time, we got on well and i enjoyed spending time with him and it seemed, so did he. but he's gone silent. For no reason, just puff! And he's gone. It's exhausting. So I've got all these negative thoughts that its something I did and there is something wrong with me :( and it doesn't help when well meaning friends ask, so I tell them and you can see in their eyes the disappointment that I've failed. Ugh.

Sorry to put a downer on your thread GetStuffezd, but I do think I understand how you feel.

Sorry, haven't abandoned the thread, just been reading responses and lurking a bit. I definitely agree about the Christmas/Valentines bollocks. I usually do the 220 mile trek home, but this year I'm very tempted not to... I have a lovely open fire here and my neighbour is a single woman too, so might see if she wants to come for a gin-fest dinner.

I looked into finding a Slimmers World group near me this week, thinking that would give dual benefit of getting me to meet people and help me lost weight, but it's at 9:30 on a weekday - helpful!

EBearhug that's shit.

Venus I feel exactly the same. Online dating just wasn't for me - plenty of weirdos and, as you say, sometimes the nice ones you'd talk to would suddenly vanish. Happened to me. He probably found someone else he liked, but hey.
And YES to people asking whether you've met anyone yet. Luckily, my family are quite restrained with that question, and most of them just think I'm some prematurely eccentric crazy cat spinster, which suits me. I think my mum might actually think I'm gay.

My best mate recommends taking a book to the local pub and eventually conversation will flow. I've done that in my old town, but it feels a bit sad now...

GetStuffezed I'm in a similar situation. Late 20s, single for a good while. I moved for work recently and live alone in a completely new place full of young families/couples/elderly couples. Also tried online dating and kept attracting perverts My new colleagues live out of the area and are all in ltr. They're keen to share their helpful advice

That's exactly it for me, Bookfairy!! But what to actually DO about it? My nearest big city has several Meetup groups, including a singles one. But I just don't relish the idea of driving 30 miles, sipping coke and feeling uncomfortable and driving home again. Maybe I'm being defeatist.

I'm GOING to meet people here, I'm determined. The town near me is a total craphole but there have got to be some people in the same boat....?!

I joined a gym so I'd have something to do on a Sunday when there are hardly any trains . This part of the SE is a bit of an enigma to me. There doesn't seem to be anybody over 18/under 45 who isn't in a couple. It's v 1952.

It's same here in the rural NE. Although interestingly we do have a number of attractive young women dating or married to MUCH older rich farmers... I might try that tactic!
Gym is an excellent idea. My colleague goes to one at the MetroCentre but quite frankly the idea of driving through Gateshead in rush hour makes me want to run myself over. I wonder if there's one in town...

The much older rich farmer is always a good standby option! Go for the local gym option - I can walk to mine as I'm far more likely to go than if I had to get in the car At least people are friendly in the NE :) I'm in a small town 20 ish miles outside of London and people will do ANYTHING to avoid small talk with a stranger!

GetStuffezd - yes, it was shit - but I've spent this weekend with one of my friends, whom I've not actually met for 5 years, as she now lives a few hundred miles away, and we stayed up chatting till about 06:10 this morning (tomorrow is so going to hurt...) and it was really, really great (we covered the birthday thing in between a ton of other stuff.)

Do see where you're coming from OP, the sharing part (sharing joys, sharing troubles).

But honestly, you can find people you can do this in other relationships i.e. friendships if you put your heart into them. And lets not forget other interests and joys, of which it sounds you have many. Quite a few women in relationships have a rather dull time of it, or worse.

You are much more likely to meet men too, when you are living a fuller life of your own.

(As an aside, I am much older than you, and when I meet a lot of men I feel grateful to be single ).

I was single for 30 years (ancient) and then I met DH at work.
Christmas was made to be such a big deal, with adverts on TV and everything, but in my experience I found spending a surreal afternoon with kind friends (after spending a fortune on taxi fares) squashed on a sofa with an empty glass of wine on the floor at my side whilst Grandparents coo over the GC too much to contend with. I felt so left out.
I accepted an invitation twice, to spend Christmas like that.
I preferred watching my new box set and cuddling my cats.
Now I am married, is life better ? In a way, no, because DH is retired and wants to know my every move-he hasn't any hobbies apart from monitering me and that ticks me off.There are other reasons that I wont mention here.
The best thing, for better or for worse is knowing that he will be there when I come home. Someone will wonder where I am if I dont come home.
OP You are very young.
PS being married doesnt mean sex-on-tap, well not in my experience.
But that is another thread.

I think we are told that coupledom is the norm, so if you are single, you are abnormal. But the amount of us on this thread (and others I've seen) suggest not. Despite this rational thinking, I still feel that I've failed as i approach 30, im pretty sure this makes me a spinster!!

Two of my close friends both got engaged within the last month. I am so happy for them, but it does make me think that the whole marriage and baby thing will never happen for me.

I'm not sure I know what I want, but I know it's not to just be in a relationship as I've been in crap relationships before and I'd rather be single than be with someone who makes me miserable.

EBearhug I'm glad you had a night like that, it's brilliant to find someone you can be so open with, isn't it? So many people simply don't know what a two way conversation is!

So many interesting perspectives from people, I am so grateful. emmeline it sounds a tricky place for you at the moment and I really hope you can find some kind of resolution. I absolutely know what you mean about that forced Christmas setting, wishing you were just at home with the cats. That's exactly it.

Venus yes, I really don't hate singledom - it's more frustration that I'm not meeting new people, therefore not even allowing myself the chance to potentially find a partner.

I actually met a really nice man today - a bit older than me, attractive, lovely accent. He was doing decorating work in my school. In his spare time he sings with a really successful gospel choir and he plays in a band, etc. Seemed very intelligent, loves being on his own but would like to meet new people. Had a really, really nice conversation with him about HOW HE'S MOVING 300 MILES AWAY LATER THIS YEAR!!!! Isn't it just the way?!

emmeline yes I've had some grim Christmases with other couples. I find the lead up hard to swallow too, puts pressure on everyone, not just singletons. But being single is just not part of the big happy family xmas. Horrible.

No idea what I'll do this year. Am trying to work it out already.

get well you could still get to know the decorator, some long distance relationships work. I'd go for it

I'm single with 2 DCs. I had pretty much given up on OD until last week when I met someone really amazing. In fact, he contacted me and despite hours of browsing I hadn't come across him before. Early days of course....

However, what I do as a single woman is to make the effort to find stuff to do and ask people to do it with me. I am pretty shameless about heading down to the local pub and wandering around chatting to people. I know a lot of people well enough to chat to for 5 minutes or so and usually end up being invited to stay with them. But it took a while to get up that kind of confidence and sometimes I see no one and head on home to the box sets. I have plenty of married friends that can occasionally be coerced out :-) but I do ask them and not wait to be asked.

As for household maintenance, well, ho hum. I have lots of weeds in the garden and I occasionally get a man in to sort it.

I am single and have posted on several "heres why its brilliant to be single threads" and meant it

I have just had two weeks leave with my teen DC away with their Dad and todays is the last day and maybe as well. I seem to have had too much time to tie myself in knots about what I would like.

On one hand after spending almost my entire life in a long term relationship/marriage I have loved this time of self discovery and discovering the many merits of living alone

On the other hand I am starting to question if this even keel /easy life is a bit sterile. The thought of never having sex again is weird (dont do ONS stuff). Lawns being mown are at the forefront of my mind as my mower broke earlier and I know XH would have had it fixed in a jiffy and I would now be looking at stripes !!

I suppose there will be benefits to and drawbacks to being single or in a relationship. I wont do OD or go looking for a man BUT if I met someone in the course of normal life I liked I am certain I would go for it which doesnt add up. Also I know it shouldnt matter at all but XH left with his OW and is still with her all this time later and that annoys me and sometimes I feel lesser because of it which I know is stupid !

Anyway OP I admire you and all the young posters on here who eschew being in a relationship for the sake of it and refuse to settle for any old thing

"My best mate recommends taking a book to the local pub and eventually conversation will flow..."

Oh it'll get the conversations flowing alright, flowing between the regulars standing at the bar. "OooOOoo! Get her, with her clever book, thinks she's too good for all of us old soaks!"

Some of you are brave; I'm a nice friendly person but cannot imagine just walking up to people in pubs and talking to them - don't they get annoyed? To be honest if I was in a pub with my friends and someone just walked up to us I would find it strange, sorry.

Ha! In my old town I did the book trick and it was quite productive. I got talking to people and made some good mates. Drinking buddies more than mates, but it was still nicer than sitting in on my own. mademan you're right though - they definitely did think I was a bit like that at first!
Llareggub you're braver than me! The only time I've dared go up and talk to people is when I've frankly had far too much to drink! I blot those memories out now...
Coming That's it - I don't ever want to contemplate never having sex again. That is mostly why I do the ONS stuff. Or have done it. I'm not sure I want it any more.

Aha! You are in the country. If you're serious about wanting to meet someone (are you though?), get thee onto Muddy Matches - it's the country dating site. Lots of blokes who work in industries where they never meet any women.

Is moving an option? Is where you are living contributing to how you feel? Would you be happier in a more lively place? Maybe part of the problem is needing more friends?

Ooooooh Ooooh! I was going to ask about that site. I joined then wussed out and deleted my profile. Some really nice guys on it who I felt I'd really enjoy talking to...but then I kind of wondered if they'd be wanting skinny, blonde, tousle-haired, gilet-wearing, estate-inheriting, horse-loving-type women. Which I am not. (Yes I'm being ridiculous, I know. I have NO confidence.)

Moving not an option. Just moved here a month ago and I love living rurally, but I know there are certain sacrifices compared to living in the city. Hmm. Muddy Matches might be worth another look.