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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ok, so dh and I have been having a few tricky problems, but today he landed me with this bombshell.....

38 replies

Rhubarb · 14/06/2006 13:47

that he might want another baby! WTF!!!!!!!!!!

We are 4 weeks away from a move I am dreading back to the UK. We have no house there and no jobs as of yet. We will be staying with his parents until we find somewhere which is far from ideal. We are both under enormous pressure both financially and emotionally. Our marriage has not been smooth of late, our sex life is more or less a celibate one. It has always been agreed that when we get back to the UK he will have the snip and he's been quite determined that he does not want another child.

So today I casually mention that I have started my period, to which he replies "Yippee! You're not pregnant!"

"Fat chance!" I say "Not unless I've been subject to an immaculate conception or an entity"
I then tease him about his lack of libido and say that it's probably a fear of having another baby that's to blame for this. To which he replies "Yes but if we were trying for one I'd probably be more keen"

"You'd be more keen once you have the snip" I say.
"I might not want the snip" he says
"Yes you do, you don't want another baby"
"I might do!"
"No, you don't"
"But ds might want another brother or sister might you ds! And I might want another daughter or son"
"You're lying"
"I have't thought about it much, but I might want another baby"

I was too stunned to continue and he's gone off to do his work on the black. I do not want another baby and I really thought he felt the same way! This is either a wind-up or his way of testing me out. Tbh, I think he was half serious, just seeing what my reaction would be!

In the midst of everything that is going on - can someone please tell me what on earth he is thinking? I'm going to have to do to emotional switchoff I think. Box it all up, file it with the others and mark 'To be Dealt With at a Later Date' on it!

OP posts:
bundle · 14/06/2006 13:47
Tinker · 14/06/2006 13:48

Shock Shock Shock

Tinker · 14/06/2006 13:48

Only read first line, will now read rest

bundle · 14/06/2006 13:48

in fact

Tinker · 14/06/2006 13:49

How old is he? Mid-life crisis?

SaintGeorge · 14/06/2006 13:51

Typical male pre-snip talk.

Panic that his choices will be taken away from him.

IGNORE

Esmummy · 14/06/2006 13:51

Oh dear Rhuby, how confusing

Marina · 14/06/2006 13:53
Shock I don't think he can be serious though Rhubarb. Cussed, more like. And agree totally that this is pre-snip panic/possible mid-life crisis talking here.
Rhubarb · 14/06/2006 13:54

He's 40 and has always said that he would never be a new dad after 40 as he feels it is too old.

He's never shown the remotest intrest in having other kids and has been pretty vocal in saying NO when people ask. I have no idea where this sudden change of heart has come from - he's not been anywhere near any babies recently!

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 14/06/2006 13:55

Shall I get him pissed and to the operation myself? I've seen it done on dogs so it can't be that different can it?

OP posts:
SaintGeorge · 14/06/2006 13:56

Sod getting him drunk - you've had two kids, let him share the pain.

Two bricks slapped together really hard will do the job Grin

Rhubarb · 14/06/2006 13:57

Can't I put a spell on him?

OP posts:
SaintGeorge · 14/06/2006 13:59

Yeah, one with lots of newts involved would be good.

Pamina3 · 14/06/2006 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhubarb · 14/06/2006 14:06

It is all a bit final I suppose. But we've got 2 of the little blighters now! Why would we want to spoil such an even number?

It's not like him to change his mind though, not on this topic anyway. I thought it was supposed to be the women who got broody!

OP posts:
AllieBongo · 14/06/2006 14:08

more kids

Pamina3 · 14/06/2006 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhubarb · 14/06/2006 14:10

I'm gonna be paranoid if he wants sex now! This could be the longest period I've ever had! Grin

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 14/06/2006 14:11

OMG the GP asked him that??? What a stupid thing to say!
They don't offer counselling beforehand do they? I'll have to make sure we get a lady GP!

OP posts:
Pamina3 · 14/06/2006 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eowyn · 14/06/2006 14:20

Mine wasn't questioned by GP at all, & we only have one child. still waiting tho, must be about 9 months so far.
Maybe yours thought a baby would take your mind off everything else. men are simple creatures after all.

Rhubarb · 14/06/2006 14:24

I can hear a newborn baby wailing in the distance and it fills me with horror and dread! The worst bit for me is the 9 months of being up the bloody duff! I do envy those who don't find out until they're like 7 months preggers!

Ds's arrival has put me off having any more, ever! He might need muliple exorcisms for life poor chap! Sad

OP posts:
clumsymum · 14/06/2006 14:34

Rhubarb,

I know you won't like this suggestion but ... If you have been having a rough time lately, may he be vaguely thinking

"If I've had the snip, it might spoil my chances of starting a new relationship if I needed to in the future" ?

Just a thought, apparently it does cross the mind of lots of men.

Rhubarb · 14/06/2006 14:35
Shock (gulp!)
OP posts:
Norah · 14/06/2006 14:37

Oh surely you're not serious clumsymum !