Ok, so dh and I have been having a few tricky problems, but today he landed me with this bombshell.....

[Rhubarb]

that he might want another baby! WTF!!!!!!!!!!

We are 4 weeks away from a move I am dreading back to the UK. We have no house there and no jobs as of yet. We will be staying with his parents until we find somewhere which is far from ideal. We are both under enormous pressure both financially and emotionally. Our marriage has not been smooth of late, our sex life is more or less a celibate one. It has always been agreed that when we get back to the UK he will have the snip and he's been quite determined that he does not want another child.

So today I casually mention that I have started my period, to which he replies "Yippee! You're not pregnant!"

"Fat chance!" I say "Not unless I've been subject to an immaculate conception or an entity"
I then tease him about his lack of libido and say that it's probably a fear of having another baby that's to blame for this. To which he replies "Yes but if we were trying for one I'd probably be more keen"

"You'd be more keen once you have the snip" I say.
"I might not want the snip" he says
"Yes you do, you don't want another baby"
"I might do!"
"No, you don't"
"But ds might want another brother or sister might you ds! And I might want another daughter or son"
"You're lying"
"I have't thought about it much, but I might want another baby"

I was too stunned to continue and he's gone off to do his work on the black. I do not want another baby and I really thought he felt the same way! This is either a wind-up or his way of testing me out. Tbh, I think he was half serious, just seeing what my reaction would be!

In the midst of everything that is going on - can someone please tell me what on earth he is thinking? I'm going to have to do to emotional switchoff I think. Box it all up, file it with the others and mark 'To be Dealt With at a Later Date' on it!

I think I prefer the pre-snip idea, but I suppose she could have a point.

Yes I am, I'm afraid.
I'm not suggesting that R's dh is considering ending his marriage.

But apparently nearly all blokes imagine that, if they were 'on the market' again, they could attract a younger model. But of course, younger women often look for potential fathers.

It only takes one of his mates at work or in the pub to put the idea in his head, as in "What if something happened to your missus ....."

We have spoken of splitting up so I suppose it's more likely to be that.

Pre-snip jitters are pre-snip jitters, regardless of the state of your relationship.

Every one of my male friends who has had the snip had similiar worries and made those sort of comments to their partners. DH was the same.

Anyone see the Desperate Housewives episode when Linette's kids had mumps and Tom refused to go near them - he was terrified it would kill off his chances of more kids? Same thing.

dont you fucking dare!

i mean it

its a trap.

trap you into a life of shittyness for another 5 fucking years.

dont do it

I think they do see being able to father a child as being part of their maleness, and like to think that they could, even if they don't want to.

Does that make sense?

I was dying for you to see this!

I'm not going to mate! He can have another with someone else if he wants, I don't give a shit, I've got mine and I'm happy with that.

No-one'd 'ave him anyway!

I bet it is definitely pre-snip jitters. Imagine if it was you having a hysterectomy through choice and having the possibility of having children taken away from you. Not that you want another but not having that choice would, imo, def be hard to come to terms with. Sounds like he is also probably trying to get a reaction out of you too, maybe to make sure you are both definitely prepared for the op?

I agree that it's pre-snip jitters. Dh didn't say he wanted another baby but I do remember him saying it felt very final, it was strange to know that after it he would never have a little girl blah blah. I know, and he knew, that he didn't want another one any more than I did - it's just the finality of it.

That and the fact that they are great big bloody weeds who are scared of a tiny bit of surgery. Sheesh.

Reading this thread, it doesn't suprise me that a GP said those things. I think they are getting really annoyed with men having the snip thinking that it can be reversed easily, and even if it can be reversed the reversals are costing the NHS money. The is the only way i can excuse my GP at the 6 week check conversation about conception, trying to talk me into talking my dh out of a proposed snip with the following I might die (well I wouldn't know anything about it then!) or children might die, did I know that children up to the age of five have the highest mortality rate, that my dh might want kids with another partner. As if I care!
All this to my request of the pill, I told her that I wanted the pill not the coil as dh planned to have the snip in a years time if we still didn't want anymore. We have three already

maybe if you had said from the beginning " as soon as we get bak to england your having the op" he may have settled

I have said that Custy! Maybe that's why he's been changing his mind about it all!

I've talked some sense into him now, I got out the lovely carving knife he bought for me and started sharpening it slowly, then I went to work on a cucumber. He'll not mention it again!