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Original poster

What makes you "drop" people as friends after a while?

44 replies

Salbertina · 13/08/2013 18:17

Just reflecting. Have moved a huge amount inc overseas as currently so lots of people have come into and out of my life. I seem to be good at the initial stages, less so at maintaining of friendships into the medium term apart from with a few v longstanding friends I've know for years back "home". Thoughts please?

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 13/08/2013 18:18

Nothing personal, I just can't be bothered. This does not stand me in good stead though as of course it means that people in turn cannot be bothered to keep in contact with me.

Bowlersarm · 13/08/2013 18:30

Ooh this is quite interesting. I was thinking over the last few days, that I have been close to a friend for about 10 years but I can see our friendship grinding to a halt. It feels very odd. I can't quite pinpoint why. I shall be waiting to hear what people say as it could apply to me.

Most friendships ebb and flow a bit, I think. Sometimes you see a lot of people and then you don't for a while, and sometimes one person keeps the friendship going and then the other one puts more into it at a different time.

I think I would do well in an expat lifestyle; I love meeting new people and am quite good at making a good first impression. I would love hopping to different areas and doing that all the time, keeping in touch with some people you have met along the way and really wanting to keep in touch with.

PAsSweetOrangeLurve · 13/08/2013 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badguider · 13/08/2013 18:36

Do you mean 'drop' as in lose contact with after they've moved away? Or do you mean 'drop' people who are still geographically close and I could see if I wanted to?

In the first category for me it's people's method's of communication. I am quite 'close' to some people I am in touch with on facebook but haven't seen in years - we share the same online interests, comment on the same sort of things, read the same sort of articles etc.
On the other hand, I'm pretty rubbish at telephone calls so people who are more phone people I lose touch with.

In terms of actually seeing people who live in the same city... I think it's also about whether we enjoy doing the same things... I will make an effort to see people to catch up but if we also have an interest in common or I think 'x would love to see that show' or something then there's even more chance we'll spend time together.

Original poster
Salbertina · 13/08/2013 18:37

Bowlers- am similar but even as an expat need to build on initial friendships.. And i seem not to be so good at that.. Or put people off somehow, dunno. Maybe am too oddball for many they get to know me better

Goosey, intrigued by your comment. I guess you do bother with those you like and not with those you don't?

OP posts:
Original poster
Salbertina · 13/08/2013 18:38

Guess i mean could see if you wanted to, yes.

OP posts:
Celadorandherwaveequation · 13/08/2013 18:56

If someone is bitchy, cliquey or off and on i'll drop them.

If you aren't i'll be your friend for life!

Selks · 13/08/2013 18:57

What Goosey said.

worsestershiresauce · 13/08/2013 19:07

A good friend of 15 years started sending me flame emails basically trashing everything about me. Really vicious stuff. Odd, made me a bit paranoid in case I really was an awful person. Other friends have assured me I'm ok, so I'm hoping I am! That friendship waned pretty fast.

Friendships with others have ended for reasons like : no longer studying or working together, moved to different part of the country, post marriage most of my male friends dropped away (make of that what you will), and growing up = growing apart.

Friends you keep for life are few and far between.

BettyandDon · 13/08/2013 19:14

It's usually because they have upset me and rather than confront I just get rid. Probably not entirely healthy. Recent examples are a very good friend dissing my wedding a few days before as basically she couldn't be arsed coming.

I had a great aunt who used to say "never make time for people that hurt you" and I tend to remember that.

I also think its hard to maintain friendships with a young family in tow as your priorities and lets face it sleep and sanity go out the window, regardless of how much you would like to see 'friends'.

MadameLeBean · 13/08/2013 19:18

People who are disloyal, two faced or can't keep a secret (gossips).

So (1) trust and (2) reliability - I have dropped people who always cancel or are always late because I am too busy for that shit. I have very limited time for socialising so flaky people are out.

llittleyello · 13/08/2013 19:22

When people are tight wads.

When I realise I am always visiting them or going to their side of town.

Weird but when I realise there is a repeatedly really strong or odd transference e.g I come away from an evening feeling really stupid or messy or something weird which I don't generally feel.

MexicanHat · 13/08/2013 19:32

I've dropped friends who don't make an effort text/phonecall wise. My new years resolution was to not text any friend (didn't include longterm friends in this) after my Happy New Year text. I've not heard from two of my friends since Smile

Also friends who constantly cancel when something better comes along. I've made some lovely friends via toddler groups/pre-school etc. and further down the llne they have come out with a racist/bigoted comment so dropped.

I've known my 3 best friends for between 20 -35 years so very lucky.

rootypig · 13/08/2013 19:37

People who repeatedly cancel plans. It is absolutely rife these days and I can't stand it.

Politics can be an issue too.

Original poster
Salbertina · 13/08/2013 19:39

Betty- what a wise great aunt!

OP posts:
CinnamonAddict · 13/08/2013 19:40

I have moved around a lot and have kept friends from every stage in my life. Some have had hard times to cope with and I have supported them, and they all have helped me cope with crap in my life.

I would drop a friend if there is no support in times of need. Friends are for helping each other. I would never turn my back on a friend in need.

I have dropped a friend in the past because I could not cope with her and her dh's attitude. Both think the world owes them a living. When they boasted about cheating a relative out of her inheritance I stopped all contact.

Original poster
Salbertina · 13/08/2013 19:40

Interesting to see people's wide range of reasons, all valid in my book.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 13/08/2013 19:41

I've dropped one friend who lets her child destroy my home every time they walk in. She just sits there while he throws things and if I try comment she says he's just spiritedConfused

jojoanna · 13/08/2013 19:42

Agree with Betty if they upset me I get rid

Chubfuddler · 13/08/2013 19:45

I'm bad at every day inane chatter on the phone or frequent texts. I love FB so any friend who requires routine maintenance calls/texts/meet ups is not going to last. Despite this I am a very good friend - but only to people who like to communicate in the same way. People who feel unloved without lots of calls/texts - it doesn't work out between us.

Dam58 · 13/08/2013 20:13

Im an expat and have travelled most of my adult life.
I could fill my home tommorow with people and have fun. But i dont think ive had a true best friend ever.
I see new people arrive and some of them click with someone and they'll be inseperable from then until one of them leaves...i've never had a friend on my team enough that i would confide the real stuff i need help with.

On the other hand ive lost count of the amount of times people have said "how together" i am. I seem to give off an aura of independance and control.... Maybe you do too?

Sometimes i just want to get pissed and complain about what a twat my husband is and how annoyed my kids make me;)

Samnella · 13/08/2013 22:27

"never make time for people that hurt you"

What a brilliant saying and it really summarises my thoughts about a particular friend who's company I enjoy but there is just something I can't quite put my finger on but relates to how she treats me sometimes. She's recently become very friendly with someone else and I have been Blush to admit but feeling left out. It's odd as this person is not a good friend and has on occasions gone out of her way to make me feel uncomfortable or to get a reaction (being vague but it's one of those things you need to be on the receiving end to 'get').That saying puts all that into perspective.

As for the question OP. I rarely drop people. Thinking back over the last decade I have dropped friends because of them being racist, a snob, living too far away and always expecting me to visit, my or their life moving in different directions, them being bitchy or in one case she was just utterly vile Shock.

I have been living in the same area and mixing in the same circles for quite a few years and probably will for years to come. There are people in that group that I would drop if they or I moved away, but as it is we see each other around alot or have something in common (DCs at same school) so I consider them a friends but not a close friend which means I don't confide in them. These people are generally those who are competitive in some way, or bitchy or make snide remarks.

I have a few close friends, two of which I would call any time if an emergency arose and in who I would confide most things and would do anything to help them.

edam · 13/08/2013 22:33

I don't think I have actively dropped friends very often. There have been friends that I've drifted apart from, or lost touch with, but actively deciding to end a friendship? Only once or twice.

something2say · 13/08/2013 23:21

Dam58 I like your style!!!!

DelayedActionMouseMaker · 13/08/2013 23:47

Weird but when I realise there is a repeatedly really strong or odd transference e.g I come away from an evening feeling really stupid or messy or something weird which I don't generally feel.

this most emphatically. I have recently stepped away from a LOT of friends/ acquaintances because of this...and that process in itself has taught me loads about who were true friends and who not, because the true friends contacted me and said 'hey, where have you been?' The rest haven't bothered, which just shows how shallow those friendships were. It's been pretty liberating actually. :o