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Original poster

would u buy a house with other half if u weren't sure its going to last

42 replies

mrspicklepants · 09/08/2013 00:43

We've been together 6years. Very up and down we have 2yr old twins both admit we wouldn't still be together if wasn't for them and only moved in together recently as we co parented separately till then. But now it's a case of logics we r at the age to buy so buyin together makes sense. But what if we're not right for each other? I just hate wastin money renting and we might be together foreva....but what if not?? Anyone been in this set up?

OP posts:
minkembernard · 09/08/2013 00:45

How has it been since you moved in together?

ThePost · 09/08/2013 00:45

Don't do it. It's a nightmare to sort out when it goes tits up.

NatashaBee · 09/08/2013 01:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhiteandGreen · 09/08/2013 01:55

Nope.

LittlePeaPod · 09/08/2013 02:48

No I would not..

Original poster
mrspicklepants · 09/08/2013 04:39

Things been v up and down since living together,nearly split a few times but I've been in and out of hospital with an old neck injury so that's been an added strain. I'd say generally better since living together and he is a hands on dad to our twin's.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/08/2013 07:19

Staying together as well purely and solely for the sake of the children is a bad idea. They should not be the glue that binds you both together, you have both admitted that you would not be together if it was not for them. You can continue to co-parent apart, why on earth buy a house together?.

Roshbegosh · 09/08/2013 07:23

I would do it if I could manage the mortgage alone, not if I would have to sell if we split up. If you are under one roof it makes everything more convenient. You both sound like you don't want to even try to make a go of it though so maybe better to cut your losses now.

Anormalfamily · 09/08/2013 07:26

Don't do it!
Been together 4 years ("blended" family circumstances) and I'm pretty sure I'd have left him on many an occasion were it not for the shared house (sometimes think dh pushed for this to make sure leaving him would be hard...).

Gingerandcocoa · 09/08/2013 07:27

No

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 09/08/2013 08:50

No. But then by the same token I wouldn't have had children with someone if I didn't think it was going to last. Or with someone I wasn't living with at the time either of conception or birth.

Original poster
mrspicklepants · 09/08/2013 11:11

No we've done everything a bit back to front I can see that but the situation was complicated for reasons I can't really go into right now but now I don't know if it will be made that much worse by purchasing a house together. Obviously harder stil to leave if things do go wrong but equally culdapt betta if we do go the distance together. Stil not sure really have to see how it goes!

OP posts:
lucidlady · 09/08/2013 11:13

I did this. As suspected it didn't last and it was horrendous to get out of. Don't do it.

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 09/08/2013 11:22

You're not being sensible here. You've implied that you don't get on as a couple, only as co-parents. Why do you think that buying a house together is going to make the relationship side of things sudden improve Hmm?

It is mad to go with the ' have to see how it goes!' approach, you'll regret it.

I would go back to separate living and accept that I may not be able to purchase my own home, you can't have everything.

Perhaps look into shared ownership...

Mabelface · 09/08/2013 11:23

I think it'd be ridiculous to buy a house with someone you're not sure about. Renting has its advantages.

Fairenuff · 09/08/2013 11:25

What if you buy the house then one of you meets someone else and wants to live with them? How will you separate the joint finances. Would you sell the house? They can takes years to sell sometimes.

Up to you but there is no way I would do it.

HopeClearwater · 09/08/2013 11:27

Rent!

runningforthebusinheels · 09/08/2013 11:34

No, I would never do this. My dh still owned a house with his ex-gf when he met me - it was a financial nightmare that he was still trying to extricate himself from a year later. They had to get solicitors in the end.

newbiefrugalgal · 09/08/2013 11:35

No

Viviennemary · 09/08/2013 11:36

If it makes financial sense and you would have an asset especially if you would save money buying instead of renting and house prices rise. If you don't trust him financially to give you a fair share when it came to selling then that's a different matter.

VelvetSpoon · 09/08/2013 11:43

With the benefit of hindsight, no.

I had my own house, small mortgage, sold it to buy a house with then DP. Within weeks I knew it was a mistake. It took me 7 more years to extricate myself from the relationship because of not being able to afford the mortgage or to finish the house (building project) before that. Another 5 years on, I am still trying to agree a financial settlement with him to buy him out.

If I'd stayed in my own home, I could have kicked him out 12 years ago at the first sign of trouble. So really, don't do it, you can end up wasting a lot of time (and money!)

WhiteandGreen · 09/08/2013 11:56

Oh god Velvet, that sounds terrible!

Naebother · 09/08/2013 12:08

I wouldnt

georgedawes · 09/08/2013 12:10

No way. What if prices go down and you're in negative equity?

VelvetSpoon · 09/08/2013 12:15

White on the plus side I have a lovely house (although still not quite finished!) in a much better area than my old one. And a good job, and great local friends, neither of which I'd have had if I'd stayed where I was so its not all bad :)

However it does mean I have no intention of buying a house with someone ever again!